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  #41  
Old 01-12-2011, 12:39 AM
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I've been feeling a bit like that too. I decided to chalk it up to post Christmas blues, nothing major to look forward to and the blah routine same old that is going on day after day. I'm so looking forward to our date Thursday. That makes such a difference to me; dinner, drinks and some good conversation. As well as some smooching
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  #42  
Old 01-12-2011, 12:45 AM
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I often wonder what attention I would get if I were single and poly. If I were available for more than just a heart connection. Unfortunately the no sex thing isn't that appealing and I won't find out who is attracted sexually/romantically because of that. Then again, if they are only attracted because it could go there, then I don't want them anyways. Really there aren't many that are thrilled just at the thought of hanging out with me. Ah well, its not that I complain, just that I notice.

You are an absolute joy to me derby, sex or no sex (sex is infrequent for us, in case you hadn't noticed...and I still want to hang out with you .
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  #43  
Old 01-12-2011, 01:18 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
You are an absolute joy to me derby, sex or no sex (sex is infrequent for us, in case you hadn't noticed...and I still want to hang out with you .
Thank you Mrs RP...you've put a smile on my face (which isn't an unusual occurance btw).
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  #44  
Old 01-12-2011, 06:34 PM
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seriously?

I haven't a clue why sex is such a big deal.

I've never had an issue "making friends" and having people who WANT to spend time with me, and I'm quite vocal about the fact that I'm simply not available for sex....

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  #45  
Old 01-12-2011, 07:45 PM
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hi derby, i really think that poly lifestyle is good for children to be a part of. they can become more openminded and accepting of lifestyles other than the traditional man and wife only married till death do they part.

and i'm glad that i know now that there are others who live this way.
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  #46  
Old 01-12-2011, 08:18 PM
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hi derby, i really think that poly lifestyle is good for children to be a part of. they can become more openminded and accepting of lifestyles other than the traditional man and wife only married till death do they part.

and i'm glad that i know now that there are others who live this way.
There's a number of us who live this way.
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  #47  
Old 01-12-2011, 08:38 PM
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thanks loving radiance. since we are not very open about our situation, i'm not around others who are in this lifestyle, which is why it's nice tobe on forums like this. hv a good night.
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  #48  
Old 01-15-2011, 01:18 AM
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sounds like the same basic struggle that Maca is dealing with.
He has this real issue with wanting to "have someone too". Ironically-he's got girls chasing him around corners, but he doesn't see that as being comparable to me not having guys chasing me around the corners (I don't go anywhere TO get chased). He figures if I went somewhere, they'd be chasing so it's the same.
But-it bothers him that I have GG and he has "no one".

At the same time, everytime "someone" comes along who MIGHT be able to become "another one" over time..... he rushes into sex and then gets rid of them because "they only want me for sex."........

I keep tilting my head in curiosity. I can't understand why he can't just enjoy meeting people, getting to know them as people and then see what happens OVER TIME.

I met GG April 9th, 1993.
We spent 3-5 days a week together outside of work, and we worked together 5 days a week....

It was summer of 1995 before things took a turn towards sex.
That was a one time moment.

We continued to be friends and remain in close contact for years. It was 2001 or 2002 before our relationship turned romantic/sexual.

Seriously, that time of building a friendship IS the reason we're in love with each other (and not in lust).... because we fell in love with the deeper parts of who we are.


Ok-that wasn't meant to be a rant Derby.

On a side note-I'd be happy to tell you how beautiful you are while I'm visiting-and even though I'm bi-I don't want sex, so you can enjoy the attention without the concern that I want you for your body.


I worry about this my self. Seeing my husband with with his GF makes me feel wonderful but I often think about having someone else too. I don't really have anyone in mind and I am not actively looking. I worry about my husband and who he will deal with it. Up until he met his GF we had been swingers. This is really new to both of us but we are doing our research and readying other people's stories. We both feel like not only does this life make sense to us but we think it would be a great fit for our life. I worry that just because his head tells him it is ok I don't know if his feelings will agree.
I don't want to rush into anything I don't even do that when it is just sex. I defiantly can't rush into something when our feelings are involved. I see how happy H and his GF are and how happy H and I are and I want to share that with someone else.

Sorry it is so long and random. Just been thinking about this lately.
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  #49  
Old 01-19-2011, 10:04 PM
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I was having a bit of a panic earlier this week. I have a little book that I have been writing stuff in that I really don't want falling into the wrong hands. I had put it somewhere safe and it was so safe that I couldn't find it either. I found it yesterday so my fears that it might have walked off at the new years party were put to rest. I think in the future I'll just keep it in the same spot so that I know where it is.

On top of that my daughter asked me the other day why her dad has a girlfriend. The only answer I could come up with is "why not". I don't know how she is understanding gilrfriend. She is only 4. Neither set of parents know that we are poly and I figure eventually it's going to be the kids who out us since we don't live in secret around them.

So it's been a week of examining what it means to me if my secrets become public. I don't know how ready I am to face it head on. I don't know if I'm brave enough. On the other side of it I wonder if it would just be easier to be out to everyone and get it over with and know where who I really am stands with people. I know that once I do come out that I can't take it back so I'm still weighing the pros and cons. I'm not ready for the potential drama yet and I'm not sure if I ever will be 100%. All I know is that I'm ready to be honest if confronted with questions.
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  #50  
Old 01-19-2011, 11:22 PM
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The only answer I could come up with is "why not". I don't know how she is understanding gilrfriend.
I love that answer Derby.
Kids are so.... basic and simple.
They tend to accept that if there isn't a reason NOT then it's no big deal, in MUCH of their lives.

I think that was an awesome answer.

I understand that still brings some work up for you with considerations of how to deal with the issues that will arise when it "all comes out", because kids do accept, and then they don't see the big deal about sharing what they know/feel. So, it will come up.

But-that's ok, it was still a WONDERFUL answer and I think that when the time comes, you will find that you have another wonderful answer too.

I can't wait to meet you!
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