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Old 01-19-2011, 05:13 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
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hi Crystal,
Is your boyfriend willing to wait on the sex thing? If so I think you have a good one there. He's being honest with you that he isn't in love with you yet but that he feels that those feelings might be developing. Sometimes feelings develop more slowly in one person than in the other. I wouldn't write off something that seems to be going well after 6 weeks just because you aren't in love yet. Give it some time.

I'm glad that you aren't actively pursuing your professor. At the very least it could seriously effect your academic career. I would hold off on that one until the conflict of interest is over and then if you still feel the same way you can look at exploring it then.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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Old 01-19-2011, 05:25 PM
Crystal Crystal is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 6

No he can not possibly wait. When I explained the situation to him, he said that maybe I don't like him enough and etc. If he is not in a position of understanding how I feel right now, then I think it will be better to stay friends.

As for my professor, I can not possibly do something right now. I dont want neither mine, nor his academic carrier to be ruined. I just show him how I feel in different ways, such as helping him out with projects, caring when he is not well and etc but not directly.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:10 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 478

My dad left when I was 5 and I have always had a void in my life. I've done a lot of thinking about how that relates to polyamory, but that's probably blog material

I've had lots of crushes and loves, many of them more like those of a 12-year old, where I was more interested in the affection and the interaction with men than a sexual relationship. I tend to be attracted to men who are safe and kind and, well, "fatherly" (I don't necessarily mean older, but they just seem mature and grounded). Even my husband has learned that sometimes I just need a lap to sit in, a "soft place to land," and my lack of sexual interest at times is just a need for a different kind of nurturing for awhile. It always passes, and he tries to remember that!

Professors are usually advised not to enter into romantic relationships with their young students. If he rejects you, try not to take it personally -- he may actually be showing you the love and respect you deserve. It sounds to me like you are very vulnerable right now, and I hope he does not take advantage of that.

The other thing I am sensing is that you have a very, very big heart and a huge capacity to love. Whatever path you choose, that is cool.
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Old 01-19-2011, 06:40 PM
Crystal Crystal is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 6


Even if I still have a father, I hate to admit that in my childhood, when I was having serious problems only my mother was always there for me,talking to me, caring and helped me develop the personality I have now. Even my father WAS there physically, he was "absent". I think you know what I mean. When I was still little, I used to blame him for not being there for me when I had problems. But now I dont keep a grudge. No one is born to be a good parent, and he has other great qualities. So, yes ,maybe I seek the paternal figure I lacked in my childhood to my future relationships. Also, I don't intent to divulge my feelings for my professor. Never! So I dont wait for that kind of response from him ever. If later on, when I graduate, he responds to my feelings in a way that a polyamory realtionship can be formed, that's ok. If someone better shows up, even better. My feelings for him will be the same anyway. I will never approve cheating. He has a beautiful family and I dont want me to be the cause of ruining it.
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