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  #141  
Old 01-15-2011, 02:08 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

No less than 2 minutes of my last post, V sends me a response via text! HOLY CRAP!

I think that she must be feeling what I am emmitting. In japanese, this is called Shin Pa Tan. Or "Short Mind Waves". Very similar to short wave radio. The feelings can be felt over long distances, so the parties involved can often know when the other is hurting, or about to call them, or feelings of lonliness, or loss. I will, from time to time, pull out my cell to check text messages. I OFTEN do so right as a text from V comes in, or shortly before. (Like a couple seconds) This happens too much and too often to be sheer coincidence.

To state my feelings right now; relieved and better.
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  #142  
Old 01-15-2011, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Magdlyn,
I can understand. However, our relationship with V is not simply a sexual one. We have no desire to make it simply a sexual relationship.
Yeah, you're not listening to me. I said I love my boy, and our relationship is primarily sexual, not simply sexual.


Quote:
In fact, since knowing her, we've all only gotten together that way twice. It was devine to be sure, but not the be all end all of the relationship. I, personally, enjoy simply being around her. Holding hands with her, holding her, etc. All the same things I enjoy with my wife. There is a different feel to her though.

...She is older and more mature than I am. Maybe not more mature than my wife, but definatly more mature than me! LOL
Interesting. I hope you can learn from her, as my younger lovers learn from me and my more extensive experiences.

Quote:

She has a great sexual desire, and touts that fact. I often wonder if she is simply not getting enough sex from us, and may be seeking it out elsewhere. If so, this is kinda a deal breaker. The reason is that we all....as in her, my wife, and myself.....went into this relationship knowing that we were all poly-fi, and not just looking for fuck buddies or toys. So....IF (note the large letters) that's all she wants, she needs to let us know, so we can move on. If NOT, then again, she needs to let us know so we can move FORWARD. But without being able to even TALK to her, it makes it WAY more difficult to know what she wants.
Yes, poly takes open and honest communication. Sorry it's so hard for you to communicate openly with her. If she is super horny, and so are you, why aren't you having tons of hot sex?
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  #143  
Old 01-15-2011, 02:56 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Yeah, you're not listening to me. I said I love my boy, and our relationship is primarily sexual, not simply sexual.
And again, we have no desire for a "primarily sexual" relationship.




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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Interesting. I hope you can learn from her, as my younger lovers learn from me and my more extensive experiences.
I'm trying....I really am.



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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Yes, poly takes open and honest communication. Sorry it's so hard for you to communicate openly with her.
It isn't "hard". It's impossible. Here, try this experiment. Have your boy toy change his phone number (which we have NOT done, but would equivilate the same). Then, send him texts to the old number telling him how you feel. Wait. wait some more. Then, try sending him more texts.....Oh yeah...He's still not responding? Hmmm...Makes it difficult to "communicate"....doesn't it? We're not willing to simply drop in on her un-announced. We did that once, and it felt weird, and I think she felt like we were stalking her. LOL Which we weren't. So communication is a two way street.......We talk, she talks, we communicate. Until today, it has been just US (my wife and I) talking....and her not responding. That is not communication. It is us TRYING to communicate to her, but her not responding for whatever reason. This is unusual for her.

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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
If she is super horny, and so are you, why aren't you having tons of hot sex?
Because that isn't the type of relationship we want. It has been my wife and I's experience, as well as V's, that if the relationship revolves around the sex, then it falters quicker and disapates. So, in an effort to change the way we (my wife and I) do things, we deliberatly held off on sex, and have held back on trying to "get sum". Focusing more on the mental and emotional aspects of the relationship.
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  #144  
Old 01-15-2011, 08:34 PM
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TL, you very often perceive things as slights against you when it's likely not the case. You seem to focus on your relationships instead of YOU. You want things to go a certain way, and when they go differently, your world is shaken. When she responds or does something you like, you post here that you're happy. So happy! When she doesn't get back to you for two or three days (not very long, actually), or confuses you in some way, you're all doom and gloom and everything's "over" for you. And it changes several times a day, LOL! Your emotional well-being is so wrapped up in another person's actions and behaviors toward you, that you come off as a bit ungrounded, maybe even flighty. That's why some of us say you've been "hot and cold." Build a strong foundation of security within yourself and you won't be so strongly affected by others. You still feel it but not be so overwhelmed and will recover more quickly.
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  #145  
Old 01-15-2011, 09:06 PM
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Cindie, please try to understand that I am bi-polar, and often flip my moods several times per day. If you think it's rough for you in a forum, try living it! I'm trying to keep my doom and gloom thoughts to myself generally, and usually only post them here. It's my outlet so to speak. Please bear with me. Anyway....That's me....and I don't TRY to hide it from V. If I tried to hide it from her, it would only surface later and REALLY scare the hell out of her then. But I DO try ot keep it as low key as possible. This forum/thread, is my venting room. I take everyone's advice and try to see it through a good light and try to remember that everyone is simply trying to help.

So please, try to remember, I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. But I usually level out
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  #146  
Old 01-15-2011, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. But I usually level out
Good to know. I did not know you are bipolar, and am glad that you found this outlet to vent. I am not judging, only trying to be helpful. I think the best thing to do when if you are hyperfocused on the relationship, is to occupy yourself with something else that gives you peace and/or satisfaction. And not to try not to take things too personally. Easier said than done, I know!
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  #147  
Old 01-15-2011, 11:19 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Sorry I'm late to the party, TL. It's been a hectic week. Though I can see where everyone is coming from, to me, I perceive most of V'a actions in the same light that you do, especially, since I've endured much of the same over the the last few months. We can always try to project our thoughts about why someone is doing certain things but the bottom line is, when you decide to be in a relationship with someone, you don't continue to do things 'your' way as if you are only dealing with yourself. Everyone does communicate differently; however, you find common ground in those differences when you decide you want to involve yourself with someone so not acknowledging texts, calls, or not responding to statements from someone you supposedly care for and are trying to build with is unacceptable. If you are only capable or willing to communicate in a particular way then you need to blatantly communicate that and give your partner(s) the choice of whether or not they can accept that and have a relationship with someone who is inflexible in that area.

You are right. People who are serious about associations do show consistent interest and acknowledgement to those people they are involved with. My thing is ... if you are more of a detached person or someone who needs a lot of space and does not practice reciprocity in the same ways I am displaying, then you need to clearly state that. Forget how you operate. There is an 'us', a 'we' now and this person needs to decide if they have what it takes to maintain that. Irregular or stoic (not the word I'm looking for) behavior without communication is not going to result in a successful experience in the long run.

I do believe that V is having some thoughts about her involvement with you and your wife. My partners began doing the same thing to me when they were distancing themselves prior to our recent break-up. There was always a reason why they had to decline opportunities to hang out and, even I, have done it to them in the last couple of months when I did not want to be involved with both of them but didn't want to upset either of them by being frank about it. Now, those thoughts of V's could include so many things. It may not be about the two of you at all. It could be about her or other aspects of her life but still affects her involvement or desire to be involved with you two.

From what I've read, I would continue to give her space. Though, it is nerve-wrecking, I would wait for her to contact you more often (in my experience with my last partners, it could take longer than you want) and I would make a conscious effort not to contact her daily (once every two days is good during this time) but continue to let her know that you guys are interested and care for her. Send her a free ecard just for added support.

I hope your weekend has been brighter.
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  #148  
Old 01-15-2011, 11:50 PM
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Thanks Eklctc. My weekend is going good so far. V actually responded to us today. AND....This weekend is my wife and I's 20th anniversary. So we are leaving town to go to Naples for a couple days. Plus, I got some new tools today. (My wife's anniversary present to me.) She also just gave me a massage....Which TOTALLY relaxed me. I didn't even have to ask for "happy endings". LOL
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  #149  
Old 01-17-2011, 09:12 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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WEEELLLLLLLL......This weekend was bittersweet.

L and I went to Naples and spent our anniversary there in a BEAUTIFUL hotel called "Bellasera". It was AWESOME!

That was the "sweet" part..........

The "bitter" part, helped Monday live up to it's name.

Today, V sent me a text saying things just weren't working out, and she was breaking up with me. With ME? I thought it was an "us". As in my wife and I....Not just "me". Weird. Either way, she broke up with us. (Because if you're not dating one, you're not dating either of us)

Insert sad face here --->


Now I'm really glad I disconnected myself a couple weeks ago. Had I kept going the way I was, I would have been REALLY hurt by this. As it is, yes, it hurts. Am I "devastated" by it? Not even. Hurt? Definatly. Gonna get over it? Absolutely. End of the world? Not even CLOSE!

Could I have done some things differently? Yes. Could she? Yes. Could my wife? Yes. We ALL could have. However, we didn't.

I think that from the beginning, she wanted to date just me, or just my wife....But not both. Whatever. She said she felt like she couldn't "express herself" when we were together. As in, she couldn't have "private" conversations or spend "alone" time with me. She also said that she was only alolowed to do what L was "ok with", and how could she be "sponatneous" or express her feelings" like that. She said it "dismisses her feelings". I told her that trying to rush my wife's comfort levels, dismissed HER feelings. Then I told her I was sorry that we didn't go "fast enough" for her, and I was sorry it didn't work out.

So yeah...Kinda sad....but ready to...... move on.
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  #150  
Old 01-19-2011, 01:43 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Yea...scenario sounds familiar on various levels. The signs were definitely there, though, so I'm glad you went with your first instinct and began the disconnection. Glad you have acknowledged the disappointment but, ultimately, have taken it in stride. That's where I am...already on my next prospect. *hugs*
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