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  #1  
Old 01-18-2011, 05:26 AM
amaSir amaSir is offline
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Default What do You call family members

My partner and i are discussing having a Poly family. Discussing logistics, etc we have been using Polygomay terms and i am not thrilled with those terms.
It would be me, my man. and another woman. Some people use "sister wives", what else do You use? We discussed i would be the Alpha of two women. Is there another term for this?
Thanks!
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  #2  
Old 01-18-2011, 05:54 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I suggest you do some reading here and find out what the terms are that are used first. Then you can create your own. It is very difficult to talk to other poly people if you are using a different language however so some tolerance might be in order if you are hoping to be a part of a larger community.

For instance, "sister wives" is a polygamy term, not a poly term. In poly we have "metamours." This term is used for both males and females who are the other partner of our partner. Also, the term "primary" is given for the partner of someone who is of most importance, rather than "Alpha."

I can appreciate that you don't like the terms. Some don't some do... but they are known and understood... there is a whole section on definitions and terms in the stickies, or you could do a tag search for "primary," "secondary," "metamours," "hierarchy," "prescriptive," "descriptive," anything that takes an interest. Oh, "unicorn" is another as that seems to be what you are looking for.
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  #3  
Old 01-18-2011, 06:08 AM
amaSir amaSir is offline
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Default Definitions

Thanks Redpepper. I am sorry if it came across as judgemental. NEVER meant that. I know it is not polygamy and thats why i wanted this communities terms. i have been reading and listening here on Your site. Any other info or resources you or anyone else has is appreciated!
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:17 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Just so you know, I didn't take it as such, but thanks for saying so just the same. Just as I had to say some stuff just the same,

I call Mono my baby, PN my love, Derby my sweets and Leo, well, just Leo my boy, LB is my bubs. Really there is no need for us to have names other than that...

There is a whole thread on what we call our loves somewhere... can't remember what tag, sorry... if anyone finds it, feel free to tag it.

These discussions come up over and over again. gotta love the predictable poly world... it's the shit that no one can figure out that gets me... like mono/poly relationships! GAUD, if anyone figures that shit out I will personally come over and bow down to you, for you will be my hero!!
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:43 PM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
These discussions come up over and over again. gotta love the predictable poly world... it's the shit that no one can figure out that gets me... like mono/poly relationships! GAUD, if anyone figures that shit out I will personally come over and bow down to you, for you will be my hero!!
Wouldn't it be boring if we didn't have the discussions/disagreements/dissent?

Although dialing it back about 40% would be fine with me...

It's interesting to see how different people learn new information... Some read for hours, and end up with the intellectual understandings. Others jump in and ask questions.. with no research...so the important questions get buried in a stack of trivial questions. A combination of the two is best...

I'll bet we've got people who just watch and read... but never feel confident enough to ask... I wonder what their questions would be.

(okay, I can't tell if I've had too much or not enough coffee... but I'd better head to work.) Have a good day all!!
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  #6  
Old 01-18-2011, 04:24 PM
amaSir amaSir is offline
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Unhappy Perception!

Quote:
Originally Posted by clairegoad View Post
\so the important questions get buried in a stack of trivial questions.
i must respectfully disgree with this a bit. What seems Trivial to you is important knowledge to another. As people explore they start slow. I have been reading, on other sites, books. i did not jump directly into deep philosophical discussions. And many of us are just exploring not even planning on this way of life yet. So ALL information is important. And those who really truly decide to keep studying and learn will find a deeper level of education. And since this is the "newbie" section, yes, you will have repeat questions, and they may bore you and cause old timers eye rolls, but they are NEW and important information to some of us.
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:54 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amaSir View Post
i must respectfully disgree with this a bit. What seems Trivial to you is important knowledge to another. As people explore they start slow. I have been reading, on other sites, books. i did not jump directly into deep philosophical discussions. And many of us are just exploring not even planning on this way of life yet. So ALL information is important. And those who really truly decide to keep studying and learn will find a deeper level of education. And since this is the "newbie" section, yes, you will have repeat questions, and they may bore you and cause old timers eye rolls, but they are NEW and important information to some of us.
I entirely agree and please don't think anyone is bored. We have all been at a beginning and respect that others are too. So please hold off on being frustrated as the intent of posts isn't always what you think.

When I posted last night I had to laugh because I work very hard at tagging and making sure that stickies are available for everyone to find easily. The search engine on here sucks and I am well aware of it. I have been here from the beginning (four months off) and know everything (just about) that has been written on... sometimes I don't bother tagging conversations because they appear to be casual and then they pop up over again a year later, just has yours has and I have to just laugh... not at you, but at the irony...

Anyone can tag thread that they think are important. I suggest tagging them with many words so others can find them and learn also. What I think is important is not what others find important and I want to be as inclusive as possible.

Please carry on... I don't mean to hijack, but just remember to ask if you feel judged as quite often the tone that comes across on posts is not intended as you think.
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  #8  
Old 01-18-2011, 11:23 PM
amaSir amaSir is offline
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Default Poly Family

Thanks redpepper and i know the writer was not trying to be mean in any way. i just used the opportunity to remind others that ALL questions are important. i was a HS teacher for 6 years. i taught History to 5 classes a day. the SAME thing 5 times a day. it could get frustrating answering the same questions over and over. i had to remind myself that to Period 5 it was just as new as to those in Period 1. i was bored as i had already answered it 4 times.
This is not the only forum that has that issue. Most do. i have a hard shell and was not offended i assure you. BUT many others would be scared off, offended or hurt. and this is a very personal touchy subject. no one wants people who really need help to be scared away.
So far this forum has been great and i did use the glossary last night and shared it with my partner. So thanks for that!
we actually discussed discussed using the "rules" as a skeleton and making up our own family patterns. What fits and works best for us. But this site has really brought up wonderful discussions and ideas!
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  #9  
Old 01-19-2011, 07:40 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I've sometimes used "co-husband" or "co-wife" instead of metamour. While people in the poly community are familiar with the concept of a metamour, they can have trouble understanding while you're talking about, even when you explain. I find "co-husband" and "co-wife" more straightforward.
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  #10  
Old 01-20-2011, 03:35 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
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Isn't polygamy covered under polyamory?

"Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved."

Just feels weird when someone says "that's a polygamy term not a poly term".
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