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  #21  
Old 01-17-2011, 06:45 AM
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I don't think this situation is ever going to make a good triad. Triads are possibly the hardest thing to accomplish in poly dynamics as usually one person is not compatible with another. It doesn't sound like she is interested in a triad, it sounds like you are forcing yourself to just be okay with it and it doesn't sound like he is all that keen either. So why bother.

I think that you are warranted in telling them you don't want a triad with them and then asking her to either get her own room or move out. I think if I were you I would deal with my jealousy about him being with her and allow them to have a relationship without you. This means that they will have to go at your pace and will have to do as you request and move her out... the pay off will be that they get to be together without you freaking out about it. It sounds like you need to be shown some respect if they are to be together... so tell them that.

I suggest along with your reading that you do some on jealousy... it is also tagged and searchable on here. There are some really good comments of why people get jealous and what to do about it... also it might be worth reading the lessons learned thread to read more about jealousy.

Most of all I think that introducing communication skills is the first place to start. Without that you have nothing and it sounds like no one is communicating with each other or either communicates so differently that no one is being heard... there is also tags on that and a sticky.
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  #22  
Old 01-18-2011, 04:37 AM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
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What's hard is now its been a few days since all this has come to light, she acts like nothin has happened. She says that she don't want to be in this relationship, and she loves john and she would never take him from me. But non of us have yet to sit down and talk as a group to lay it all out on the table. I don't want to just ignore this and go about my day. If you don't want to be with us, then have a plan to move out, cause I want to move on. I want to have a gf, that wants to be with me and thinks I'm beautiful no matter how fat or skinny I am. Who knows my true value and excepts me and my flaws. I want someone open and honest, not afraid to put her opinion out there. I didn't find that in lenore. She is way to na´ve and child like in mind. The kicker is that she is over weight too! Wtf. I thought that was so hypocritical of her when she basically said I'm to fat to have sex with. That hurts. I'm at the point where I do want her to go now. I want to start reconnecting with my finance and talkin to some real women
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  #23  
Old 01-18-2011, 05:24 AM
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you tell it like it is girl! That's awesome... now find some tact and tell her this...
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  #24  
Old 01-18-2011, 05:30 AM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
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O I will. But like always I won't get feedback and if I do its going to be negative. And john is going to get pissed cause I want to have a plan in place for her to leave. If not soon at some point...
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  #25  
Old 01-18-2011, 05:56 AM
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She is sending mixed messages it seems... does he not see that? Or is he just hopeful?
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  #26  
Old 01-18-2011, 06:11 AM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
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I don't know to be honest. I have no idea. That's y I want to have everyone talk and be open. Every thing is being done so separately, he'll talk to her and I won't know what was said, or just bits and pieces. I don't want him to talk her into staying. She just does things for him so he won't get mad at her or she feels like if she don't he won't be happy with her. I just want to be done with this I'm sick of doing this relationship this way , its too fricken stressful

Last edited by thesavageprincess; 01-18-2011 at 06:21 AM.
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  #27  
Old 01-18-2011, 06:21 AM
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Can you not ask them to sit down and talk about making a plan? Could you bribe them with home made cake, or a glass of wine, or crack cocaine? I mean geesh, whats the deal... maybe you could get up and turn the tv off or something and stand in front of it and say, "we have to talk!"

Sorry, I am just not used to people that avoid communicating, it is just beyond me. I don't mean to offend, I'm just getting as frustrated as you are now.
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  #28  
Old 01-18-2011, 06:38 AM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
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I'm really annoyed and frustrated. When ever we are all together it seems to inconvenient and I get blamed for starting issues. Cause he works days and at times we don't see him til 8-9 pm. And we work 11-7 shift at an assisted living home. We rarely have days off together so I'm reduced to unhashing all this stuff before work. And at times it ends up in an argument. And at that point I get blamed for starting an argument. I carry a lot of blame and burden from this relationship. I feel like we are a walking contradiction
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  #29  
Old 01-18-2011, 06:45 AM
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blame for what? Because you have the foresight to plan ahead and communicate?

What about writing them an on going email, one that starts out saying that you would like to know a date that she is moving out and asking them to stop pretending they are together when it has been indicated that it is over. Also stating what your feelings are without using any "you" statements and only speaking in terms of "I" statements. Maybe start with that.
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  #30  
Old 01-18-2011, 06:51 AM
thesavageprincess thesavageprincess is offline
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I could try and see where it goes. I hate how awkward everything is now. I can't live like this
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break up, break-ups, communication skills, hurt, living together, mistakes, moving, moving in, moving in together, sex, triad, unicorn

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