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Old 01-15-2011, 07:26 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I understand.

But-it's not my intention.

See, I've had "fuck buddies", one night stands, people who were lovers strictly for hte purpose of being lovers etc. That's all cool.

My question only pertains to those who were INTENDING to find a long term, permanent relationship.

See, the quandry is that Maca and I see it differently and he thinks I may just be totally unique (maybe so).

For me personally-if a person is a fuck buddy-they are a fuck buddy. PERIOD.

Where as, if I find someone attractive and the sparks fly-they could go EITHER WAY-if I choose them to be a fuck-buddy, they will NEVER be a part of the family.

On the other hand, if they seem to be potentially a good fit for the family, I will take hte time to build a friendship before taking them as a lover.

Maca says that most people who are looking for long term relaionships will never consider waiting to get to know each other like that if they can't have sex. Which may be true (lucky me I haven't had that problem).

But, for me, I know perfectly well that while I (and they) are in NRE, there is a chemical nightmare going on in our heads that has nothing at all to do with whether or not we're intellectually, lifestyle, future-goal compatible. Great we're sexually compatible-SO WHAT?

IF I'm looking for someone to fill in the entertainment in my sex life THATS PERFECT.
But in terms of someone to be a part of my family (with 5 kids in it)-that's simply not reasonable. ....

Make sense?
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think there is absolutely people who would put relationship over sex. The connection over gratification. That's been the entire journey I went through with casual sex (and I here I thought I was annoying people with talking about it so much). My journey with Mono has really driven that message home that it is possible. He told me early on that he thought I was being used for sex and not valued for who I am as a person and I have proved that it was true. I took him to task on that statement and he was right.I was used for sex. I have also proven that people can wait or not have sex at all and have a perfectly connected and wonderful relationship. Leo and I are proof of that.
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think the question here is more about what order it happens for people, not whether we prefer one over the other.
nycindie... et al.... I just wanted to clarify what I was responding to....
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