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Old 01-13-2011, 11:18 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Default How long between meeting & dating....

Maca and I were having an intriguing conversation about dating/breakups etc.


We're wondering-for all of you who are bored.


How long between meeting someone, establishing a friendship and then establishing a "more than just friends" relationship with a partner?

How long did the "more than just friends" relationship last?


We are wondering because its my opinion that establishing a long term friendship first makes for a higher probability that the "more than friends" relationship will last...

It's his opinion that when people are interested in finding someone for a "more than friends" relationship-they aren't interested in building a "just friends" relationship for extended period of time first.
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:27 PM
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Your question reminds me of one I answered on OKCupid. Here it is:

Which of the following relationship timelines would you most prefer?
  1. Attraction > lovers > love > friends
  2. Friends > love > attraction > lovers
  3. Attraction > friends > love > lovers
  4. Attraction > friends > lovers > love

My usual modus operandi with romantic partners is #1. Very rarely am I "friends first" with someone. If that happens, it usually never goes beyond friendship. But I have remained good friends with men who started as lovers.
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:34 PM
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In both of my current LDRs, we had sex on the first or 2nd date. I just *knew* it felt right with those 2 special people. And I've been with both of them for about 2 years now.


My gf was the first person to get in my pants in 33 years, besides my ex. I was eager and curious and in no mood to beat around the bush. Er, actually I was eager to beat around the bush...


I'm sure it could happen the other way around, tho. We all have different styles and levels of comfort around intimacy. There's no right or wrong way.
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
In both of my current LDRs . . .
Don't you mean LTRs? They're long-term, not long-distance, right?
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:42 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Excluding my most recent meteor relationship, all of mine had started at a bar...I wasn't looking for anything beyond that night.

My first 7 year relationship, I met her...I think...at a house party. ummm...I was 17 and she was coming after me badly. She was 23. I was hooking up with another girl at the time. It was fun times, but I ended up with the second girl. 7 years later, it ended. I wasn't looking for anything but sex. Ironically it didn't really work out for me haha

My second "relationship" I picked her up at a party too. I was not looking for a relationship. Was a fireball of a relationship. She changed me in many ways. In fact, I am who I am today, because she catalyzed me.

Pengrah - picked her up in a bar. Planned on a short term fling. 10 years later.

I am not in a place to talk about sourgirl...not yet......She was the only one I had a friendship with first...

Ari
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Don't you mean LTRs? They're long-term, not long-distance, right?
Oh yes, I meant LTRs. Got my acronyms messed up. Altho they both do live about 20 miles away from me, in different directions. So, not as close by as I would like.
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:04 AM
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I have to agree with Maca, interesting answers.

I'm curious-have any of you read about the chemistry that goes on in your brain when you meet a new "potential"?

I ask-because with that information in my head, which I've known for sometime,
there is no way I could consider someone as a potential long term relationship until I'd known them for at least a year.

Mind you-I also had my first child at 16. When things ended with her dad, my whole attitude changed, because each "potential" was also a "potential risk" to my daughter.....

So-I'm just curious about how other people see things.


I knew who Maca was for 10 years. I knew his father VERY well. I still think our "truly getting to know each other to in a committed relationship" went WAY WAY WAY too fast.


I was friends with GG for 2 years, had sex once.
Non-sexual friends for another 5+ years before we become lovers.... .

I've now known Maca for 22 years, together for almost 13.
Known GG for almost 18 years.... "together" for 6 or so...
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
  1. Attraction > lovers > love > friends
  2. Friends > love > attraction > lovers
  3. Attraction > friends > love > lovers
  4. Attraction > friends > lovers > love
There's a few combinations missing

As I watch the singles around me opperate, this is what I personally see

Under 25:
Friends > Attraction > Love > Lovers
Friends > Attraction > Lovers > Love
Attraction > Friends > Lovers > Love

Over 30:
Attraction > Lovers > Friends > Love
Attraction > Lovers > Love > Friends

With my husband, I fell under the Friends> Attraction > Love > Lovers category. Today, would probably be a much different story.

Last edited by SNeacail; 01-14-2011 at 12:39 AM.
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Old 01-14-2011, 01:06 AM
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It's so random for me. PN was a gradual thing, with an instant attraction for more, Mono was instant for lover/friendship, Derby was friendship first and then it has blossomed. When I think back it has been a matter of who and circumstance. I can't think of anyone that I would not consider a friend now, and they me. It didn't matter how it started, it ended up the same... friends. I have warm fussy feelings about all of them and I think they do about me. I think some are confused and don't get what the heck I am doing now, but they still love and care about me and cherish our memories like old friends do.
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Old 01-14-2011, 02:30 AM
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Me to RP,
they are all friends now.

I am always saying to people, that I am a "once you're in, you're in for life" kind of person.
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