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Old 01-12-2011, 06:50 AM
littlebear littlebear is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 2
Default needing some advice please

i've never really done a forum or really talked about my poly relationship with anyone really. but i read a ton on poly from websites and books. i'm not even really sure if this is how i go about getting help.
but here i go... so i've been in a poly relationship for almost a year now. i date a man who has another girl friend. the man and i get along really great and i've never loved anyone as much as i love him. but his girlfriend from the beginning is extremely mean to me and degrades me and so much else. i didnt know he had a girlfriend going into the relationship he told me after hanging out and kissing several times. i was taken back but open bc i loved him so much and i believe that polyamory can and does work for people. as me and him get along great him and her don't at all. they fight quite often and when they do its not good. she the last time was hitting him and trying to fight him along with breaking windows and doors. it seems every fight every time escalates. she tells me a lot and tells me all these bad things about him but i don't see them. also when they fight they talk about how there not in love with each other anymore and they hate each other. along with saying the meanest things and calling each others names i just don't get how people can do to the ones they love.she also has cheated on him before me with a married man several times who was also a good friend of theirs and she denied it to his face. they even say they don't want to be together. she continues to have signs of being a sociopath and a lot of their friends warned me about her and their relationship. after this last fight with the violence and me almost calling the police i told him i'm sorry and i couldn't deal with it anymore. but yet i cant stop wanting to be with him bc honestly together we are so perfect. but after all she is doing to him and me i cant physically and emotionally take it. he always takes her back and forgives her. she was living with him but once he needed her to pay rent she moved out. now that she has moved out he asked me to come back to him. saying he can keep the relationship separate. but now i don't know what i can do. he gave me an ultimatum and i have to give him an answer by Thurs. but i don't see how he can keep them separate bc we have a lot of the same friends. and after everything i read i heard that's not a good idea.

i need some advice on what to do. because i fear staying or going back is a bad idea for my safety and also mentally
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