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Old 01-10-2011, 07:17 AM
lovinhimloviner lovinhimloviner is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 104
Question Husband's girlfriend uncomfortable

I am a 33 yo wife and mother. I have been in an open marriage for over 7 years. I can't imagine a monogamous relationship after having such a wonderful open relationship. Now don't get me wrong like all marriages there will always be ups and downs. The one part of our relationship that has never been a problem is the fact that we are open and honest about how we are feeling and who we are feeling it for. My husband and I have been through about every stage of an open marriage. Just like most people in "open marriages" we realized that life is nothing with out love. We trust and love each other so much that we allow ourselves to truly live. Although it wasn't expected he started to fall for a very wonderful woman. They hadn't even had sex yet and he came to me and told me how he was feeling. It was hard for him to tell me he was having feelings for her. We talked about it and as much as I surprised my self, I realized that it would be wrong for me or anyone else to tell them the feelings they were having were wrong. It isn't. It is a natural part of life. We discussed the "what ifs" of the situation. His girlfriend understands that no matter what happens he will not leave me for her. She wouldn't want him to do that anyway. It is hard for her coming into a situation like this. One of the questions we asked our selves were, what if my husband and his girlfriend fall completely in love and can't live without each other? Well in that case we thought if she was comfortable with it she could live with us as a family. They would have to have a separate bedroom. She wants to have kids one day....then what? Just like love if it was meant to be then it was meant to be. We would raise the baby just like millions of parents do everyday and we would do it together.

The problem i am having now is I keep bending over backwards to make sure she is comfortable. She has said she feels like the OW. They have been seeing each other for a few months now and had only meet up 2 times before this weekend. She had been uncomfortable with the idea of coming to our house. I was trying to make life simpler for her so I made arrangements for the kids to go to friends house and my moms. I had decided to go to a friends house and have a girls night. She came over right as we started cooking. She stood in the kitchen with us and we exchanged small talk. We have been on cam chat almost nightly but it did have a different vibe. We had discussed her fears about my reaction to seeing them holding hands and snuggling. I calmed her fears before hand because i knew she was worried about it.
When I got home the next morning she was gone. When I woke my husband up he seemed a little sad when he told me she left at 1am. He said it feels like she just wants sex even though she also claims to love him. He worries because she never wants to just hang out and only wants to have sex. She left because she was afraid of how the two younger kids would act since they ended up not going to grandmas. The too love her and we had told them she would be staying with daddy. This is all new to her since she was raised in a monogamous life style. I'm I over thinking this? Do I just need to give her more time?
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boundaries, compromise, secondaries, vee

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