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  #31  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:50 AM
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Monocorns!
that is fucking awesome! you seriously need to market your humour sometimes... when are the t-shirts coming out? you would likely not sell many as they are so rare, but between us both we know a few that seriously need one.
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  #32  
Old 01-07-2011, 05:39 AM
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I think what I've learned about people's reactions to my mono/poly marriage is that it always comes out of "how they would feel" rather than my actual circumstance or how I feel. Projection is almost always the default response because people tend to try to put themselves in your shoes.

For example- People who have been cheated on assume I'm being cheated on.
People who have endured emotional abuse think I'm being emotionally abused.
My best friend's response (a nurse and a christian) was to give me an STDs AND a Bible lesson.

I have come to terms with the initial response almost always being negative and out of projection. Sometimes I address it briefly. Sometimes I ignore it. And in the end many people get their heads out of their own *space* and are finally able to ask you how you feel in your unique circumstance.

My best friend finally came around and even apologized for her initial response.

So, I don't take the initial response as "the response" anymore- just a hurdle to get over for true understanding.
Very, very true. I have come to the same conclusion. You have been posting some very cool "monocorn" stuff lately and I would have engaged more but we are currently moving country and my life is currently insane. I just wanted you to know that while I'm not responding I am reading it and it makes immense sense to me and mirrors pretty much my own experiences and discoveries in a poly/mono relationship.

I applaud you for being able to adapt a long term relationship to polydom. I had to adapt a new one which had a different set of issues. We've been apart for a month now in our migration process and it has reinforced the correctness of my choice to stay and work through polyamory rather than run. Life is just not the same without him and I don't really feel like me. Thankfully I have now booked my ticket and so there are only 8 days until we are together again.
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  #33  
Old 01-07-2011, 06:58 AM
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Very, very true. I have come to the same conclusion. You have been posting some very cool "monocorn" stuff lately and I would have engaged more but we are currently moving country and my life is currently insane. I just wanted you to know that while I'm not responding I am reading it and it makes immense sense to me and mirrors pretty much my own experiences and discoveries in a poly/mono relationship.

I applaud you for being able to adapt a long term relationship to polydom. I had to adapt a new one which had a different set of issues. We've been apart for a month now in our migration process and it has reinforced the correctness of my choice to stay and work through polyamory rather than run. Life is just not the same without him and I don't really feel like me. Thankfully I have now booked my ticket and so there are only 8 days until we are together again.
I may have to look you up and say g'day when you get here - I'll be down Brissy way in February
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  #34  
Old 01-07-2011, 07:13 AM
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@ FlameKat: That would be soooo cool. I love this board but feel quite isolated down here at the bottom of the world. I will be a resident of Brisbane as of 16/1/11 so feel free to message me and catch up.
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  #35  
Old 01-07-2011, 03:15 PM
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@ FlameKat: That would be soooo cool. I love this board but feel quite isolated down here at the bottom of the world. I will be a resident of Brisbane as of 16/1/11 so feel free to message me and catch up.
I will be on a flying visit (literally ), coming in for a conference... not sure how long it will go for - last one I flew in at 9am... left that day at 5pm... but I would love to meet up. I'll message you when I have firmer dates and times
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  #36  
Old 01-07-2011, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by monolicious View Post
I think what I've learned about people's reactions to my mono/poly marriage is that it always comes out of "how they would feel" rather than my actual circumstance or how I feel. Projection is almost always the default response because people tend to try to put themselves in your shoes....

I have come to terms with the initial response almost always being negative and out of projection. Sometimes I address it briefly. Sometimes I ignore it. And in the end many people get their heads out of their own *space* and are finally able to ask you how you feel in your unique circumstance.
I think this is pretty poignant, and I had not thought of it in these terms; yes I assumed they were projecting their own values onto the situation but I did not consider as part of the thought process that there would be an attempt to understand through putting themselves in the position.

I cannot say that the predominant response has been negative, there have been some, but for the most part it's either a thanks but no thanks from potential women to date or it's been a curiosity to friends.

I've tried to stop selling Poly to people because ultimately it would be like selling seating on the Titanic to some; people are set enough in their notions that it's much easier to just put it out there and let it be. Ultimately if I worry about how everyone is going to react I'm reliably sure I'd go insane.

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Originally Posted by Andy4700 View Post
I need to...be glad the door for a 3rd is open in my life, and to be happy as a "mono by default" until someone perfect walks through it.
.

This pretty much encapsulates my feelings. I don't think love is a finite resources nor is affection, so I am open to a poly relationship for myself because I have seen how it has benefited TP but if it doesn't happen for me then no big deal.
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  #37  
Old 01-08-2011, 10:14 PM
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Originally Posted by sage View Post
Yeah I thought of him too, pity he has such a hard-to-spell forum name, maybe we could change it to Indy?
This might help you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3W5GDkgf2w
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  #38  
Old 01-09-2011, 03:01 PM
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It's funny, ask Indigo why it's spelled wrong.
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  #39  
Old 01-09-2011, 08:39 PM
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
It's funny, ask Indigo why it's spelled wrong.
Hmm, the first time I visited this forum and saw his handle, I immediately made the connection to Princess Bride but didn't think it was wrong, just an intentional play on the name.
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  #40  
Old 01-09-2011, 11:21 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hmm, the first time I visited this forum and saw his handle, I immediately made the connection to Princess Bride but didn't think it was wrong, just an intentional play on the name.
Nope! He originally signed up on his phone, and it autocorrected Inigo to Indigo.

I like to tease him about it because it's one of his favourite movies.
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