thank you again for your reply. Yes, I have read (and am reading again) those threads. All the comments and doubts I read in response to my posts are all very valid and I feel most of them too. And all the good advice has not been wasted on me, either. But I'll have to find a way to make sure she sees how she has behaving. Thankfully I get a lot of support from a few friends and parents (both mine and hers) but that also makes it even harder on her: she has become the black sheep that is endangering our marriage (which she is, if you'd ask me) but everyone telling her so isn't helping her to turn around. It might even be forcing her even more into the self-righteous viewpoint that she has the right to do this and that I should not control her by setting boundaries.
Ah well, we'll see how it works out.