Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 01-06-2011, 06:54 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by monolicious View Post
What have I gained from my husband going poly?

1. Firmer identity and understanding of my own relational needs/style. I'm very much mostly mono.
2. Openness- Notice I now say "mostly mono". That is my preferred, natural, comfortable mode. However, I suddenly find myself feeling more open to all sorts of relationships. I think this is due to two things 1) my husband's role modeling as a poly and the joy he exemplifies 2) lack of fear that other relationships will somehow mess up my marriage.
3. Better communication.
4. Better sex (even when his SO has stolen the bone- we just get more creative
5. More trust- every time my husband honors my boundaries without batting an eye, I trust him more.
6. A Happier Husband
7. Seeing aspects/sides to my husband that come out in his other relationships.
8. Sense of Independence and Personal Strength.
9. Learning to ask more for what I want/need. Standing up for my own relational needs.
10. More experiences to write from
He sounds like a most excellent example of poly! Very pleasing to hear,,, behind every happy mono in a mono/poly dynamic is a poly with good ethics in my book (I'm sure you have done your fair share of kick ass work too!). Very well put... I am moving it to other threads for reference. hope you don't mind.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 01-06-2011, 07:22 AM
monolicious monolicious is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 20
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
He sounds like a most excellent example of poly! Very pleasing to hear,,, behind every happy mono in a mono/poly dynamic is a poly with good ethics in my book (I'm sure you have done your fair share of kick ass work too!). Very well put... I am moving it to other threads for reference. hope you don't mind.
He is an amazing poly man, husband, partner. I sometimes whine a little about how perfectly he has led us into polyland because it doesn't give me any "real" excuse to balk. In other words, I have to kinda make stuff up to be upset about (which of course I can do on occasion).

I'm thrilled that you'd move it to other threads for reference.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 01-07-2011, 12:59 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by monolicious View Post
He is an amazing poly man, husband, partner. I sometimes whine a little about how perfectly he has led us into polyland because it doesn't give me any "real" excuse to balk. In other words, I have to kinda make stuff up to be upset about (which of course I can do on occasion).

I'm thrilled that you'd move it to other threads for reference.
Hey, don't forget that it takes an amazing mono partner to make an amazing poly partner... but I get your point.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 01-08-2011, 07:09 PM
Indigomontoya's Avatar
Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 107
Exclamation

I really have to echo a lot of the initial poster's sentiments. While I cannot say I am 'mostly mono' I am comfortable in my own decisions to search and be confident that if I dont find a Poly partner I will live.

I think I have stated time and time again that Poly has affected me positively; and the initial post encapsulates most of the benefits of being mono, mostly mono, or mono by default with a Poly partner.

I would say though that it does take a great poly partner and OSO to allow for positive change out of this. I know that the deep introspection has not been possible without the questions posed, both by design and by action, by TP.

Oddly enough I dont think I would have addressed my jealousy insecurities without being in a Poly relationship; nor would I have been able to crystalize a clear sense of what my needs are from a partner both in general and day to day. I also think that emotionally I am much stronger and able to recognize the pitfalls I fell into in other relationships.

I think that GS is right in saying that a lot of the things listed dont come from just a mono/poly relationship but I think that because a lot of the posts on the forum are people reaching out to seek help sometimes we lose sight of the fact that all benefits don't have to be an external force; just like all problems and hurdles are not fully internal.
__________________
Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 01-08-2011, 11:11 PM
erithacus's Avatar
erithacus erithacus is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 17
Default

Although our relationship is very fragile at the moment, even when it would end I would have gotten the following things out of it:

- A LOT of personal growth
- Better understanding of my needs and wants, and the ability to state them clearly along with how I want to achieve them
- More insight in how I interact with people, how people interact with me and how that affects them and me
- A clear view of some of the things I have yet to learn and how they influence my everyday life
- Improved communication skills -> nonviolent communication
- Better awareness of my own emotions

No matter how everything turns out, I've become a better person and I'm happy about that.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
mono, mono/poly, monogamy

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:29 AM.