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Old 08-31-2009, 12:21 PM
OneSoul OneSoul is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Default New to Poly Amory - Experiences, Thoughts, Feelings and Questions

New to Poly Amory - Experiences, Thoughts, Feelings and Questions

New to this space... Male, Young, Athletic, Well Traveled, Well Read, Spiritual.

HISTORY:

I have never been in a Poly-Amor relationship... or maybe I have.

I've been cheated on, I've been the guy who someone cheated with on someone else,

I've been in an open thing out of chance / accident / some choice - To shed more light.

THIS IS HOW THE THOUGHTS FIRST CAME ABOUT:

I was not committed to anyone person and was openly dating people. Met this girl at a club, we danced close (like a body wrap) and we flirted and talked about getting together (naughty, flirty conversations)..

Fast forward 1 month and a few short phone calls & flirting and logistical time / sched issues... We finally meet.

Dinner at her place, watching a DVD, and so on.. 3 am we are naked in bed. As we lie in each other arms.. We find out we're both casually dating several other people as well (at different levels / stages).

Given that I did not want to be tied down or committed at the time I was up only for a Casual Thing. She was doing the same (dating few people) but that night mentioned that she would rather just be with me... if at all I would indulge, based on how I was... Funny thing is THAT night itself she said she'd love to just be with me and not date other people if I chose so.

We kept in touch, met on & off.. Busy schedules, travel, etc. Over the time we dated I developed 'feelings' for her, but I did not like the clinginess and drama and SET expectations, schedules & drama that comes with a committed relationship.

Note: I HATE the DRAMA that a lot of committed relationships bring.

She would tell me "She loves me" several times.. I felt something but did not want to commit and/ or say those words. Once, it came out from within.. I said it.. I meant it. But I still did not want to be tied down, and more so.. Our time schedule & my travel logistics would not be ideal for a monogamous committed relationship.

The thing I realized about myself was I could hardly ever just be CASUAL. I CARE. I BEGIN TO CARE & LOVE. Poly-dating became amory at some level. I moved cities, but we talk once in a blue moon.

EXPERIENCE: LOVE, CARE & COMPASSION FOR MORE THAN ONE:

Whats funny is that I began to feel similar LOVE & CARE feelings for all the few women I was dating (as yet non sexual with some but flirty / romantic etc.). My dating multiple women & maybe just wanting casual relations and / or casual fuck buddies was not really want I wanted. I was just trying to not fall in love with one person (too much singular attachment & drama).

DEVELOPMENT: BRINGING IN THE NOTION OF BEING TOGETHER BUT STILL FREE:

Now, bringing up OTHER PEOPLE would have been wierd for me as well as her... at the get go. We were barely establishing our OWN chemistry. NO LIES WERE TOLD! by HER or by ME. No Commitments were made by her or me.

As I said, it might not have happened - we might not have made such good friends & lovers if we had "pre-diverted" into "other people chemistry" v/s "our chemistry".

I know, its kinda of on the edge, but i'm simply sharing a real life experience.

The thing is most people would probably love & accept Poly-A as long as they are assured & be secure of themselves & others .. Its the introduction BIT that can just cause RUFFLES... the anxiety & the fears of no CONTRACT of 100% Monogamy

Its the same place where a man & woman would choose to be Fuck Buddies / or Booty Calls but they would not have talked about THAT from the GET GO.. in EXPLICIT statements..

They build their chemistry as it comes... FBs, FwBs, Casual Dating / Short term Relationships, Open Dating / Open Relationships, Amorous / PolyAmorous, Exclusive Committed Monogamours ... Wherever it goes...

YOUR THOUGHTS?

SELF AWARENESS, SPIRITUALITY, PHILOSOPHY & SELF-FREEDOM & SELF-LOVE, UNIVERSAL LOVE:

I feel LOVE is FREEDOM. Being in LOVE is like FEELING FREE, FEELING UNAFRAID, FEELING NAKED - Mind, Body, Soul.

LOVE is not about TIED YOURSELF or SOMEONE ELSE DOWN.. to LIMITS, EXPECTATIONS & CONDITIONS .. YOU SET.

I know both because my experiences on the Spirtual Side with the DIVINE have no limits, expectations or CONDITIONS.. It is UNCONDITIONAL.. and ALL ACCEPTING.

The opposite is where some gets upset, nasty, angry & even devious for no reason in a so called monogamous love relationship when small trivial elements / mistakes / misunderstandings happen.

That is the whole point of LOVE.. To LOVE & ACCEPT someone AS THEY ARE.. ALL THEIR POSITIVES & NEGATIVES... Not just at the beginning of a relationship.. during a HIGH.. but throughout.. later.. when the Highs dont exist.. and a certain stability sets in.. (hopefully its not monotony).

ITS NOT ABOUT LOVING SOMEONE ELSE, BUT IN "INVOKING" INSIDE OF YOU.. A FEELING OF LOVE.

YOUR TRUE NATURE is LOVE, PEACE & JOY.

Why not be it? Why set limits, fears, conditions & expectations?

ANYWAYS... Thats me & my thoughts.

I AM CURIOUS HOW SOMEONE GOES ABOUT SETTING UP A POLY AMOR / LOVE thing from the GET GO without having to CONVINCE SOMEONE.. or DEAL with the DRAMA.. or...

CRITICAL QUESTION: At what stage in the DEVELOPMENT of that INTERACTION do you go DEEPER... into Poly & Related thoughts without hampering the progress of the initial chemistry build up.

MORE SO... FIND SOMEONE who ... WOULD ACCEPT OR ALREADY LOVES THIS MINDSET.

Last edited by OneSoul; 08-31-2009 at 12:25 PM.
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