Communication on date nights?

[Magdlyn]

8 months into our relationship, my gf got her first bf since we'd met. We don't live together. I knew she was going to his place for their 2nd date, and she knew I'd be coming to her place the following morning.

Her date was on Halloween night, and she had to walk or take public transportation to his place. She lives in Boston, a college town full of drunken frat boys.

I got to her place the next morning around 11am. She wasn't there! She got home a half hr later and I was ripshit. She'd missed the last bus and had spent the night. But here I'd been worrying she'd been jumped by some drunks, possibly raped or worse. She had a crappy phone at the time, but didnt bother to use her bf's phone or computer to tell me what happened.

Since then, we've firmly held to letting each other know our whereabouts when out with other people, lovers or platonic friends. We text, "I'm leaving now," then, "Home safe."

[NeonKaos]

My husband loses track of time a lot and he isn't even out on "dates"! I usually say to him before he leaves the house "Don't forget to come home", and I have no compunctions about calling him on his cell phone and asking him if everything is OK. Maybe if he were on a date, I'd text instead of calling voice, but I wouldn't hesitate to do that because all I want to know is that he's OK.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

My husband loses track of time a lot and he isn't even out on "dates"! I usually say to him before he leaves the house "Don't forget to come home", and I have no compunctions about calling him on his cell phone and asking him if everything is OK. Maybe if he were on a date, I'd text instead of calling voice, but I wouldn't hesitate to do that because all I want to know is that he's OK.

LOL!!! This happens to me all the time. The most upsetting was when he was out til 4am and was not answering his phone. Turns out he was in the attic of the new police station running anntena wires. If he was out on a date, I would probably have a better chance of getting a hold of him (even if I have to call g/f number).

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by SNeacail

LOL!!! This happens to me all the time. The most upsetting was when he was out til 4am and was not answering his phone. Turns out he was in the attic of the new police station running anntena wires. If he was out on a date, I would probably have a better chance of getting a hold of him (even if I have to call g/f number).

yes, so far when he doesn't answer the phone at 3 am, there has been a good reason (usually because he didn't hear it ringing in the diner). I hope that the "good reason" never turns out to be that he's dead.

[Fidelia]

When I'm going out, for whatever reason, Fidelio knows where I'm going (or at least a general idea) and when I'm expecting to be home. He does the same for me when he leaves the house.

We do this out of respect, love and consideration for one another, not out of a desire to control one another.

There are also solid practical reasons to know where one's partner is. Several times in the years we've been together, he's found me in a broken down vehicle because he knew where to start looking. (Cell service is spotty where we live, and cars never seem to break down where the signal is strong.)

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by Fidelia

cars never seem to break down where the signal is strong.

Isn't that the truth.

[clairegoad]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

My husband loses track of time a lot and he isn't even out on "dates"! I usually say to him before he leaves the house "Don't forget to come home", and I have no compunctions about calling him on his cell phone and asking him if everything is OK. Maybe if he were on a date, I'd text instead of calling voice, but I wouldn't hesitate to do that because all I want to know is that he's OK.

I avoid saying negatives... Many brains fail to hear the n't and hear it as "forget to come home."

The better example is "Remember to bring home some milk." rather than don't forget to bring home milk.

Seems like a little thing.. but it helped me for years with my teenager and my non-communicative roommate.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by clairegoad

I avoid saying negatives... Many brains fail to hear the n't and hear it as "forget to come home."

The better example is "Remember to bring home some milk." rather than don't forget to bring home milk.

Seems like a little thing.. but it helped me for years with my teenager and my non-communicative roommate.

I'm not that heavy about it. It's somewhat of a private joke with us.

However, I AM a pessimist so I'm going to continue to say "Don't forget" instead of "Remember". "Remember to come home" just doesn't have teh pop. Besides, I don't have teenagers or non-communicative roommates.

[clairegoad]

When I go out with my bf or gf, they text each other. At first I didn't realize that was going on... He'd look distracted, flip open his phone, then shut it.. She generally would get a big smile before she put her phone away. Eventually someone texted something sooo good it had to be shared..

I find it cute that they keep in touch... Generally about twice in the evening... although it might be more often.

So the "no communication" problem isn't universal... Although they've been poly for almost two decades...

[Ariakas]

If I am on a date, I don't like to be bugged. I am a flow kind of guy. If sourgirl tells me she is having time with hubby. I don't interupt, period. She does the same thing for pengrah and I.

That said, I take time to text pengrah. If we are on a date, we will keep in touch politely. I think its fair.

We all need that time and space apart. Well at least I do. I need time to decompress with those I love.