Positive Role Models for Monos

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by FlameKat

just attempting to deal makes you all positive role models

Exactly!

I often find myself learning things from others who maybe don't excel at X as much as I do, but do much better at Y than me.

So let's all pat each other on the back.

[redpepper]

Okay. I know who GnR is, but when you open a door and someone is singing an inch from your face, and then talking a mile a minute, its hard to distinguish what song is being sung, know what I mean?

Agreed that any mono attempting a mono/poly relationship is to be commended. For that matter, any poly attempting a mono/poly relationship is to be commended. I know many poly folk who have worked just as hard. Its not easy for anyone. If you can make it work that's amazing. If you can make it work and be happy? That's a miracle I think... Very rare. As rare as unicorns.

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by redpepper

very rare. As rare as unicorns.

Monocorns!

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by sage

I spent it largely trying to convince my son-in-law that I'm not a victim in a relationship with a guy who is "getting to have his cake and eat it too" (hate that saying).
...
But how?

I suspect that, after a couple too many refusals on his part to accept that I were fine and not being taken advantage of, I'd just offer up something along the lines of "Pardon me, your ignorance is showing." At that point, it would cease to be a topic of conversation available to him.

[Andy4700]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

I would like to point out that Indy thinks he could go either way; he's just had yet to practice poly on his end. He's more of an outstanding role model for "men who want to be poly, but gals our age are looking for THE ONE." (Andy4700, I'm talking to you.)

I don't know that I could go either way. I crave another close relationship deeply and poly really feels natural to me, but I do like what Indy posted...

Originally Posted by Indigomontoya

I have accepted that until I find someone willing to be in the role of an OSO that this is my life as I choose. I love TP and because of that I will continue to search and if I don't find, I am perfectly happy just being her husband

I need to learn to work on this. I need to learn to be glad the door for a 3rd is open in my life, and to be happy as a "mono by default" until someone perfect walks through it.

Maybe a new years resolution for me?

I do like this place. I can't tell you how much I have learned about myself through the thoughts, feeling and experiences you all choose to take the time to share.

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by Andy4700

I don't know that I could go either way. I crave another close relationship deeply and poly really feels natural to me, but I do like what Indy posted...

Oh, sorry, I meant that he's having difficulty finding someone else, just as you've lamented. I didn't mean to imply you should be happy not being poly.

[Andy4700]

Originally Posted by TruckerPete

Oh, sorry, I meant that he's having difficulty finding someone else, just as you've lamented. I didn't mean to imply you should be happy not being poly.

No, I understand TP. I Just mean I can't honestly say I can go either way by choice. I am really craving other close relationships in my life at the moment and struggle with feeling depressed at the lack of prospects.

I am glad to know I am not alone in the 20 something and searching boat.

Now back to the regularly scheduled topic.

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by truckerpete

monocorns!

:d:d:d:d:d:d

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by vodkafan

:d:d:d:d:d:d

You made my day for noticing.

[monolicious]

I think what I've learned about people's reactions to my mono/poly marriage is that it always comes out of "how they would feel" rather than my actual circumstance or how I feel. Projection is almost always the default response because people tend to try to put themselves in your shoes.

For example- People who have been cheated on assume I'm being cheated on.
People who have endured emotional abuse think I'm being emotionally abused.
My best friend's response (a nurse and a christian) was to give me an STDs AND a Bible lesson.

I have come to terms with the initial response almost always being negative and out of projection. Sometimes I address it briefly. Sometimes I ignore it. And in the end many people get their heads out of their own *space* and are finally able to ask you how you feel in your unique circumstance.

My best friend finally came around and even apologized for her initial response.

So, I don't take the initial response as "the response" anymore- just a hurdle to get over for true understanding.