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Old 01-04-2011, 06:20 PM
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Polymonial Polymonial is offline
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Default Am I turning into a slut or a pig?

It's now day 31 since we started our first poly relationship: a vee with me, my wife (the "fulcrum"... my wife likes that word, says it's a lot sexier than "pivot" lol), and her wife. Over that short time, I felt extreme jealousy, love, fear, compersion, hurt, excitement, betrayal, and commitment. But as I reflected internally and confronted my emotions, the jealousy disappeared and was replaced with compersion, and I'm having poly feelings myself as well!

Ok, jealousies gone... good. Compersion... good. Extreme re-kindled NRE with my wife... WOW! ;-)

The only problem now is that I'm getting such a "glow" from all this love and NRE that I'm starting to project it on others around me. I want to be close to everyone... not the sexual sense, but emotionally and personally intimate. I'm a relatively introverted guy that wants to break free, meet lots of new people, and share this glow with everyone. Eeps!

In other words, before all this, my mono defenses would raise whenever I'm feeling love for someone, and all my attentions/affections/emotions would be focused on that one person. But now that I'm not feeling so mono anymore, that defense isn't coming up and all of this NRE love that I'm feeling for my wife is spilling over to those around me, and I'm (artificially) feeling NRE for them as well. It's a bit scary, like I'm a vulnerable to artificially falling for someone else as well during this time.

It feels like being a teenager all over again, before I had relationships figured out and everyone was experimenting with their emotions. I guess I'm basically a teen all over again now.

My question: Has this happened to anyone else in this forum group, specifically, feeling WAY more romantic and emotionally intimate with others when going through NRE with someone else? And if so, what do you do to manage this feeling... cold showers, just tough it out (it happens to all of us), I'm just feeling this way 'cause I'm so new to poly relationships, ...? Am I turning into a slut or a pig? ;-)

I've had so many emotions recently, I feel like I need a vacation from them for a week or so. Do something boring or analytical for awhile. Then again, it's hard to think about anything but the NRE! LOL

Last edited by Polymonial; 01-04-2011 at 06:29 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-04-2011, 06:55 PM
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I don't see any reason why you can't enjoy the NRE while it lasts. All relationships (not just poly) are going to go through good times and bad ones. If we don't enjoy the good times when we get them, we'd never have the strength to get through the bad times.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Polymonial View Post
The only problem now is that I'm getting such a "glow" from all this love and NRE that I'm starting to project it on others around me. I want to be close to everyone... not the sexual sense, but emotionally and personally intimate. I'm a relatively introverted guy that wants to break free, meet lots of new people, and share this glow with everyone. Eeps!

In other words, before all this, my mono defenses would raise whenever I'm feeling love for someone, and all my attentions/affections/emotions would be focused on that one person. But now that I'm not feeling so mono anymore, that defense isn't coming up and all of this NRE love that I'm feeling for my wife is spilling over to those around me, and I'm (artificially) feeling NRE for them as well. It's a bit scary, like I'm a vulnerable to artificially falling for someone else as well during this time.
I totally understand. My situation is a bit different, but since I have changed my outlook on life, marriage, love, etc. and been able to open myself up to seeing poly as an acceptable and doable lifestyle option, I have been able to feel a deeper love for my husband. I think alot of it is that while I'm not really a jealous person, I thought I should feel jealous of certain things. I made an effort to learn how to discuss the real issues with him.

We have spent alot of time trying to figure out where are problems lie and what be BOTH need to do to fix them. This has brought us closer and it has also opened my eyes up to some things about myself. It is overwhelming to all of a sudden realize that the reasons for some of our walls and distance from others is now gone and probably shouldn't have been there in the first place.
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Old 01-05-2011, 12:26 AM
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Am I turning into a slut or a pig? ;-)
Let's hear it for the sluts and the greedy little piggies! You can't overdose on love, honey.

Men are taught from birth, by our patriarchal society, to repress and hide their emotions, get them out perhaps by fighting, or hooting and hollering at a sports game once in a while. *Maybe* you're allowed to show some emotions when drunk, and blame it on the booze.

You may not feel this intensely after a while, but I'm sure honoring your wife's bisexual nature is really great for her, and your marriage. You may find yourself "falling in love" with one or several other people while on this high. Be forewarned, not all people are appropriate partners for you... some will disappoint you.
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Old 01-05-2011, 12:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Polymonial View Post
Has this happened to anyone else in this forum group, specifically, feeling WAY more romantic and emotionally intimate with others when going through NRE with someone else?
Back in November, I was head-over-heels for someone and he occupied my thoughts most of the day. One day, while home alone, I ordered some food. When it arrived, I caught myself about to reach out and stroke the delivery boy's cheek when I took the bag from him. It just seemed like the natural thing to do (in a way, I wish it was!), but good thing I snapped out of it before that happened. Would've made ordering from that place again rather awkward!
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-05-2011 at 02:32 AM.
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Old 01-05-2011, 02:48 AM
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Originally Posted by RfromRMC View Post
...enjoy the NRE while it lasts.
Will do! You don't have to tell me twice on that one!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
It is overwhelming to all of a sudden realize that the reasons for some of our walls and distance from others is now gone and probably shouldn't have been there in the first place.
I agree. Since going poly, my wife and I have been able to talk about things we never would have before, such as the fact that I still have feelings for one of my old high school crushes (who is also one of my best friends). I never would have shared that before because: (1) it doesn't lessen how much I love my wife (very poly concept, huh?), (2) I didn't want my wife feeling hurt/jealous/self-conscious, and (3) I never would have acted on it, so instead I repressed it. It is wonderful that both of us can now discuss this kind of stuff without fear or jealousy... feels so much more open and intimate with each other. Plus, my wife was even saying how nice it would be if I could spark up my old love interest. LOL!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I'm sure honoring your wife's bisexual nature is really great for her, and your marriage.
Oh yes, that has been wonderful for her in many ways: feeling accepted for her sexuality, loved, then loved again, over and over, by both of her lovers. LOL It's been great to our marriage, and I'm also extremely happy for all the love she's receiving from both of us!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Back in November, I was head-over-heels for someone and he occupied my thoughts most of the day. One day, while home alone, I ordered some food. When it arrived, I caught myself about to stroke the delivery boy's cheek when I took the bag from him. It just seemed like the natural thing to do (in a way, I wish it was!), but good thing I snapped out of it before that happened. Would've made ordering from that place again rather awkward!
My wife keeps accidentally saying "I love you!" to random people on the phone! Kind of embarrassing on business calls. LOL
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Old 01-05-2011, 03:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Polymonial View Post
My question: Has this happened to anyone else in this forum group, specifically, feeling WAY more romantic and emotionally intimate with others when going through NRE with someone else? And if so, what do you do to manage this feeling... cold showers, just tough it out (it happens to all of us), I'm just feeling this way 'cause I'm so new to poly relationships, ...? Am I turning into a slut or a pig? ;-)
indeed indeed and we have talked about it before. Do a tag search for "nre" and see... there is a lot there and it might help (no you aren't a pig, you are spreading the love... no cold showers! use it!)
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-05-2011 at 03:56 AM.
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  #8  
Old 01-05-2011, 03:46 AM
Charlie Charlie is offline
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Default How big is your heart?

How big is your heart?
Does it threaten
to thump through the walls
you have so long hid it behind?

15 hugs a day is scientifically proven
to lengthen your life.

Yes, dear reader, your cup will flow over
and there is nothing for it
but to let it spill out
and wash over
everyone

Hug responsibly.
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  #9  
Old 01-05-2011, 04:21 AM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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It sounds like the joy of the spirit coming through. In the spirit world orgasms are had with common introductions and the shake of a hand. Love abounds.
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  #10  
Old 01-05-2011, 03:08 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Back in November, I was head-over-heels for someone and he occupied my thoughts most of the day. One day, while home alone, I ordered some food. When it arrived, I caught myself about to reach out and stroke the delivery boy's cheek when I took the bag from him. It just seemed like the natural thing to do (in a way, I wish it was!), but good thing I snapped out of it before that happened. Would've made ordering from that place again rather awkward!
Oh jeez, I've found myself in this kind of situation often ... See someone bent over, think of a love, and then snap back at the last second to NOT tap that bent over person on their butt.

*shakes head*
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