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Old 01-04-2011, 06:07 PM
Sourel Sourel is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Lyon, France
Posts: 5
Default Moving from adultery to polyamory - help!

I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice... and sorry if it's a little long. This is the abridged version!
I have accepted to change my monogamous marriage into a polyamorous one to honour my partner's desire for a new way of love. I'm hoping to see some benefits for myself too!... though at the moment, at home with a six-month old baby I'm not exactly sure when that's going to get started for me . The sticking point for me though is my husband's insistence on maintaining the three adulterous relationships he started in the September/October 2009 and just renaming them polyamorous. I have accepted to change our marriage and would like this to start out on a healthy footing not dragging out the pain that this adultery caused. For the record, we were married after 11 years in the summer of 2009 and I got pregnant after a honeymoon accident - joint responsibility. He freaked and by the end of September when I miscarried he already had one new relationship going, the two others followed in October when I was lost in grief. I got pregnant again at the end of October and spent three miserable months in a relationship desert not knowing that he was cheating on me. The night before my amniocentesis, I asked on an intuition if he was in love with someone else... and the truth came out.
For Vincent and his three girlfriends they were all in a polyamorous constellation. From my point since my consent was not given this was adultery. Whatever you call it, there was a total lack of respect, honesty, trust etc. The road to accepting polyamory has been long for me, hampered all the way by Vincent repeatedly reminding me of how vital and important the other three are and while telling me I'm his primary relationship, being ready to split up with me if I put my foot down on this issue.
For me, this adultery caused me so much pain on an emotional level. My pregnancy got very fucked up, I think from the stress and the baby arrived 7 weeks early and almost didn't make it, spending months in the hospital. I would like to leave all of that behind and move into a relationship where trust is central. How am I to trust these three women to respect any rules? Or my husband who will already have three other relationships going before our polyamorous life even gets going. I'm asking for advice because I am totally lost on this one. Presumably because a part of my head is still in mono land :-) I'm trying to be open to all of this!
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cheating, marriage vs. polyamory

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