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  #31  
Old 01-04-2011, 05:38 PM
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Thank you GS. I really do appreciate your perspective. You continue to remind me of my brother and my dad with your very logical and concrete way of breaking things down.
May I quote some of what you just posted in my blog? It gave me a great brainstorm about myself.
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  #32  
Old 01-04-2011, 05:41 PM
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I know there is a link in my signature-but today's post is specifically an update to what this thread is about.
Many of your posts to me impacted me significantly. This has caused me to readdress some of my previous decisions and change them.
If you would like to read about my thoughts more in depth-feel free to click the link to my blog post.

http://lovingradiance.wordpress.com/...-vs-sacrifice/
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  #33  
Old 01-04-2011, 06:04 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Quote:
I really am trying to be as reasonable as possible, because I know it's difficult. But, admittedly I am feeling as though I'm being asked to give her "equal status" without earning it.
This resonates with me. You're being asked to waive certain boundaries/rules that were set in place for a reason - and for someone who has been in HIS life for less than a month.

That would/did/does bother me.

They are in the dating stage - they should be (imho) dating - as in not coming IN, going OUT.

But those are my feelings. I just hope you're not being more than fair and end up compromising yourself or hurting yourself in the process.
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  #34  
Old 01-04-2011, 07:02 PM
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
I just hope you're not being more than fair and end up compromising yourself or hurting yourself in the process.
I think I was being "more than fair" and I think I was compromising myself.
I've done a LOT of thinking and considering as I read everyone's responses.

Just after they met, Maca had asked to re-negotiate our boundaries. He said that he felt he had been too strict in making them (most of them he made, GG and I agreed to them) and that they put unfair restrictions on my relationship with GG and would put unfair restrictions on his relationship with anyone else as well.

So yesterday I did go throught he boundaries on my own and write out what things I thought should/could change. There are very few that I would like to see get more lenient, and there are some things that I feel need more strict clarification.
I sent it to both GG and Maca to consider so that we can all sit down and talk it over. GG read it last night and said he had a few things he felt needed to be added to the boundary list-so he's going to work on that for all of us to sit down and consider together.
Hopefully tonight Maca will get a chance to go over it and consider it, figure out what he'd like to add/change/delete.

I'm hoping that we can do those steps today so that we can iron out an agreement, at LEAST a preliminary "for the moment" agreement before the weekend.

One thing I did decide is that I'm rescinding my agreement to use our room. After much consideration I've concluded that having a personal space of your own is a privilege that is earned through hard work, time and effort. If they need a place of their own (which is perfectly reasonable) then they need to put that hard work, time and effort in together.
I already put my hard work, time and effort in with Maca to earn our personal space and I already put my hard work, time and effort in with GG to earn our personal space as well.

Hopefully that decision doesn't erupt into a war. But even if it isn't taken well-I've decided that it's a hardline boundary for me and therefore non-negotiable.
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  #35  
Old 01-04-2011, 07:38 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I think I was being "more than fair" and I think I was compromising myself.
I've done a LOT of thinking and considering as I read everyone's responses.

One thing I did decide is that I'm rescinding my agreement to use our room. After much consideration I've concluded that having a personal space of your own is a privilege that is earned through hard work, time and effort. If they need a place of their own (which is perfectly reasonable) then they need to put that hard work, time and effort in together.
I already put my hard work, time and effort in with Maca to earn our personal space and I already put my hard work, time and effort in with GG to earn our personal space as well.

Hopefully that decision doesn't erupt into a war. But even if it isn't taken well-I've decided that it's a hardline boundary for me and therefore non-negotiable.
Good for you. I agree that that is important.
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  #36  
Old 01-04-2011, 09:41 PM
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^^^^^^^^ Yep! That! Good for you LR!!!
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  #37  
Old 01-04-2011, 10:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I know there is a link in my signature-but today's post is specifically an update to what this thread is about.
Many of your posts to me impacted me significantly. This has caused me to readdress some of my previous decisions and change them.
If you would like to read about my thoughts more in depth-feel free to click the link to my blog post.

http://lovingradiance.wordpress.com/...-vs-sacrifice/
I read. WOW! That is a HUGE realization! congrats.

Here's hoping that your new way of approaching negotiations pays off in spades!
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  #38  
Old 01-04-2011, 10:05 PM
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Thanks Breathes.

GG is home sick in bed today. So we didn't have the morning to spend together. On top of that I woke at 4:45am and couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up, made a lunch for Maca (which I almost never do) and then got on the computer.

I've been writing and writing all day. It's been a very thought-provoking, eye-opening and enlightening day.
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  #39  
Old 01-04-2011, 10:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
One thing I did decide is that I'm rescinding my agreement to use our room. After much consideration I've concluded that having a personal space of your own is a privilege that is earned through hard work, time and effort. If they need a place of their own (which is perfectly reasonable) then they need to put that hard work, time and effort in together.
I already put my hard work, time and effort in with Maca to earn our personal space and I already put my hard work, time and effort in with GG to earn our personal space as well.

Hopefully that decision doesn't erupt into a war. But even if it isn't taken well-I've decided that it's a hardline boundary for me and therefore non-negotiable.
Anyone who walks into a space changes its energy by their presence, so I am glad to read that you are making this a "hard line" boundary. I view my room as a sanctuary and am very careful of what kind of energy I let into that space. When my husband moved out, I took everything out of the bedroom, emptied the closets completely, washed the floors with lavender and eucalyptus, and the only things I brought back in were items that made me feel good when I saw them in there, stuff that makes me happy. If there is any negative thought I get from something, I take it out of my sanctuary. The people I let into my bedroom should not be a drain on me, nor there for any reason that does not add to and expand its value as a sanctuary for me. This is how I guard and maximize my happiness and good feelings in my space. I don't get it right in other areas of my life, but my room is extremely important because it's where I sleep and recharge/refuel/renew myself for my day, and for my life. And if there is any negativity in the energy of the space where I share sex and intimacy with someone, I feel off and something is out of whack, which isn't good for me. It has become my favorite room in my apartment now. Your reasoning about it is also very sound. You deserve to be selective about who comes into your space. Good for you!
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  #40  
Old 01-04-2011, 10:20 PM
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I didn't sleep well last night either *sigh*.

The usual post menstrual headache which caused me to not sleep well.

The stomach upset seems to be making the rounds lately. Possibility had it Saturday, his wife & kids yesterday, hopefully that's the end of it though.

I was up at that time, lol. That's my usual time when I'm working.

It certainly seems as though you had a very productive day.
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