Managing the Magic and the Mundane
I will begin, as I am fond of doing, by saying that at anytime, I could be full of shit...
but I'm not.
If you are looking for advice about how to live your life with many loves, go look in the mirror, right now. This is not new advice, a bit cliche' even, but it is nonetheless true. In truth, I can offer you no advice on how to live YOUR life; that is for each of us to figure out for ourselves. That being said, here is what I know to be true for me, and if it becomes or is true for you also, so much the better...
I love many people, but for the purposes of this forum, you should know that I love Rarechild, she loves her husband Catfish and he loves her, and, gosh ol' fish hooks, Catfish and I think very highly of each other. That is to say, we hug each other the way only two secure heterosexual men can do. (Love ya, brother.)
For now, I'm setting aside the parts of our story before right now, save this one vital thing that the three of share: We've all fucked up, we've all suffered heartbreak, and we've all grown immensely.
Trust, honesty, respect, kindness, communication, patience, empathy, generosity, pragmatism, strength, thankfulness, and consistency...write these down and look up the definitions for the ones that don't ring a bell, as I will refer to them later on...
What I have learned about Love in thirty-one years is that people aren't always so good at loving themselves. When we fall short of loving ourselves, we don't shine so bright, and end up looking for someone or some thing to light us up. Afterwords, when that someone or some thing is not there to glow for us, we're right back to being dim.
Rinse, and repeat.
While I may be new to "polyamory", I am well seasoned at being a human being who loves other human beings. By well seasoned, I mean like a good cast iron frying pan: Even distribution of heat, and the shit don't stick no more.
Catfish, Rarechild, and I have a friendship based on all those words that I mentioned earlier. I will tell you that I have grown to seek these things in every relationship I have, in family, friends, and work. To say this more precisely, I don't suffer fools. With six and a half billion people (not to mention dogs) on the planet, I get to choose my giving and receiving of caring and sharing. That is called "The-world-has-teeth" or "I-don't-give-out-change-at-the-ghetto-grocery-store-anymore".
As the three of us continue working, and, I might add, I have never known something that was so wonderful to work so hard for, we've dug into rich, black soil that is perfect for growing. We've also hit hard rock at times and we haven't gone deep enough to plant anything permanent yet. So, we are learning to take turns with the pick and shovel...
Jealousy. Show me one single relationship, family, friend, or otherwise, that does not have it and I will show you the meaning of the word "apathy".
In it's worst manifestation, jealousy is possessive, controlling, abusive, egotistical, hollow and completely useless. In it's highest evolution, which is still called jealousy, it is the most raw, honest, flattering human expression of wanting from someone whatever desirable thing it is that they are sharing with someone else: time, space, intimacy, fun, sex, silence, food, conversation...
Funny how we rarely get jealous when our loved one's are spending quality time getting a root canal...just sayin'.
Do this: Call your Grandma, your brother, your old English instructor, the boss you liked so well, and your best friend and tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them for being in your life. Light 'em up cuz ya love 'em.
That's a polyamorous life and there's plenty to go around...