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  #21  
Old 01-03-2011, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
Now there's a generalization.

How about this one...

...men just don't want to share....

Such hostility and ill mannered a reply is not necessary. As TP stated I was speaking from personal experience and a quite literal quotation of what I have been told.
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  #22  
Old 01-03-2011, 08:48 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
Such hostility and ill mannered a reply is not necessary. As TP stated I was speaking from personal experience and a quite literal quotation of what I have been told.
Besides, I think there is a sexist argument going on in another thread. Or, there was a while ago. I think it was in the men vs.women and poly thread. Now they're talking about sex as a form of communication. But the posts with the wank could always be resurrected if desired.
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  #23  
Old 01-03-2011, 09:14 PM
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I don't think most people want to, or even are capable of "sharing" in a relationship. I think thats sort of what poly is all about... thats ability to not get jealous or to work though jealousy if it comes up.

I would completely understand if I approached a single 20 some year old woman at a bar and she turned me down because I was not single. Pretty normal thing to do if you're of a mono mindset. But if you already are okay with open relationships, getting hung on Married vs. Living together seems like small peanuts. :/ I think I may have some things to discover on other reasons people would get into an open relationship... less wholesome reasons..... some things have crossed my mind in the last few days.

All is not lost for me. She still seems friendly but she is on vacation at the moment and we have not had much more then a half hour or so to chat. She also said she's up for anything, so a new friend is a possible outcome as well if she can't get over the married thing.

The more I have debated the issue in my head, I need to stay honest and open about being married. If I don't I am lying and compromising my honesty, hiding something from someone I want to love and have a relationship with and leaving the potential open for disaster if she finds out. Plus if I am going to let myself get emotionally close to someone I want be able to just be me and talk about my life openly and not worry. I would want her to do the same. I don't want her to go on and on and on about her primary, but heck, he's a huge part of her life and its her I am in this for, so hes gonna be a part of it and honestly, I want that.

Last edited by Andy4700; 01-03-2011 at 09:18 PM.
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  #24  
Old 01-03-2011, 09:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigomontoya
....women just don't want to share...
Now there's a generalization.

How about this one...

...men just don't want to share....
Olderwoman, I would suggest you read these forums a little more extensively. Your comment was reactionary and judgmental. The sentiment that "women don't want to share" is a commonly found one in poly circles, I have learned. I'm a feminist, but don't see the value in jumping on someone for making a generalization about women that also happens to be predominantly true within a certain culture. Keep reading, and may I also suggest that you examine how your anger is infecting every post you have made in every thread thus far.
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  #25  
Old 01-03-2011, 09:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy4700 View Post
I don't think most people want to, or even are capable of "sharing" in a relationship. I think thats sort of what poly is all about... thats ability to not get jealous or to work though jealousy if it comes up.

I would completely understand if I approached a single 20 some year old woman at a bar and she turned me down because I was not single. Pretty normal thing to do if you're of a mono mindset. But if you already are okay with open relationships, getting hung on Married vs. Living together seems like small peanuts. :/ I think I may have some things to discover on other reasons people would get into an open relationship... less wholesome reasons..... some things have crossed my mind in the last few days.

All is not lost for me. She still seems friendly but she is on vacation at the moment and we have not had much more then a half hour or so to chat. She also said she's up for anything, so a new friend is a possible outcome as well if she can't get over the married thing.

The more I have debated the issue in my head, I need to stay honest and open about being married. If I don't I am lying and compromising my honesty, hiding something from someone I want to love and have a relationship with and leaving the potential open for disaster if she finds out. Plus if I am going to let myself get emotionally close to someone I want be able to just be me and talk about my life openly and not worry. I would want her to do the same. I don't want her to go on and on and on about her primary, but heck, he's a huge part of her life and its her I am in this for, so hes gonna be a part of it and honestly, I want that.
Sounds like a healthy perspective to take.
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  #26  
Old 01-03-2011, 09:47 PM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
Such hostility and ill mannered a reply is not necessary. As TP stated I was speaking from personal experience and a quite literal quotation of what I have been told.
No hostility here. It's just an observation of a very general statement. I only noticed it today because yesterday I was scolded and accused of being "offensive" for a much lesser generalized statement in another thread. Other than that, I may not have even noticed it or said one thing.

geeeze everyone. Lighten up.
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  #27  
Old 01-03-2011, 10:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
No hostility here. It's just an observation of a very general statement. I only noticed it today because yesterday I was scolded and accused of being "offensive" for a much lesser generalized statement in another thread. Other than that, I may not have even noticed it or said one thing.

geeeze everyone. Lighten up.
I think she's on it folks... look at the dates and times and the whole picture first... I think its all good now... thanks.
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  #28  
Old 01-03-2011, 11:21 PM
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Oh Pepper you make everything better...

Back to the topic Andy I think you've got to be forthcoming with anyone you approach. I usually strike up a conversation (online predominantly) and before we get too deep into conversing I let them know I'm married and see where it goes.
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  #29  
Old 01-04-2011, 01:13 AM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Olderwoman, I would suggest you read these forums a little more extensively. Your comment was reactionary and judgmental. The sentiment that "women don't want to share" is a commonly found one in poly circles, I have learned. I'm a feminist, but don't see the value in jumping on someone for making a generalization about women that also happens to be predominantly true within a certain culture. Keep reading, and may I also suggest that you examine how your anger is infecting every post you have made in every thread thus far.
I have responded to this post in another thread so as not to be off topic.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4621
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