Originally Posted by TruckerPete
I will speak to the friendship that is expected to develop between you and the potential metamour.
The relationship you develop (or don't) with new lady is in the control of two people: you and new lady. This means, if she wants to be friends with you, she will need to wait for it to happen. Similarly, if you want to be friends with her, you may need to give of yourself in a new way.
I see this relationship as independent of the relationship NL and Maca share. I think communicating to this lady that you build friendships slowly, so that she doesn't think you're giving her the cold shoulder is a good step.
I don't see how anyone would have a right to demand that you two be best buds and move as quickly as she and Maca may or may not do. As long as your relationship is progressing, and you're both happy with it, then that should be enough for the other parties involved.
I'd have to echo this Poster's brilliance (and beauty
) If TP had said that she expected me to be friend with Mr. A chances are I would not have been so open to meeting him. It's human nature to buck against what we are told we must
do; by that rational if you force it too soon or too quickly you will ultimately end up feeling very awkward about the friendship and the metamour's role in your life. While the relationship you have with the metamour is, as TP said, independent of your relationship with your SO you have to realize on some level you have to have a relationship with the person, even if it is strictly for the logistics of the arrangement. If that is all you want then that's perfectly acceptable and it is something that you will have to put your foot down on. Numerous times during the development of TP and Mr. A's relationship I had to vocalize when I felt things were progressing too quickly, if your SO is not willing to hear you out and push ahead at a pace that is uncomfortable, then you really need to evaluate the value they have placed on you in the relationship.
By the same token I stayed open to the possibility of friendship. Ultimately you have to think that you are the metamour will have some things in common since from my own experience TP's taste in men has not altered drastically from her and I beginning our relationship.