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  #31  
Old 01-02-2011, 01:54 AM
OneUncagedBird OneUncagedBird is offline
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Default Very Interesting

wow, I find all these varying situations and choices to be extremely interesting and thought provoking here. I have a lover now and we use condoms, but that is because we have not been tested and there is no way in hell I am going to either catch something or get pregnant. I know he is not with someone else besides me but he has been with someone who has cheated on him. Even though he is younger than me, early 20s, he never used condoms but a couple of times before and this has been a learning curve. But, because he cares so much about me and we integrate the condom as part of the process he doesn't care. I have however thought in the future if we were both tested and clean I would consider birth control and go bareback with him, though I think him only. I have gone without condoms with my ex in the past, but did not find it to be some mindblowing experience that so many here seem to think it is. I just find the intimacy of being with someone and touching and the sweat and all is amazing enough. This makes me curious.....
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  #32  
Old 01-02-2011, 07:39 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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I've used a female "condom". I found them greatly "distracting" and lacking in a sense of intimacy.....even though we integrated them into our lovemaking. He preferred them to male condoms. I didn't. The female condom is kind of a "bag" that has a lot of looseness to it....which is why I'm sure he preferred it for movement/sliding purposes. But, I missed a sense of closer contact which a male condom provides. Also, a female condom has a much larger opening at the top than a male condom. Even though it's supposed to stay on the outer edges/rim of your vagina, it can slip and slide and tip when having intercourse or when trying to remove it after intercourse. So....the potential for exposure to sperm/semen seemed much greater to me than with a male condom. (Although the potential for bursting/breaking seems less.)

As noted....female condoms are NOT recommended for oral sex because they don't fully cover the external part of your genital area.

Last edited by dragonflysky; 01-02-2011 at 07:54 AM.
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  #33  
Old 01-03-2011, 05:37 AM
AussieGrrl AussieGrrl is offline
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For me, being fluid bonded is a huge step of trust. I am fluid bonded in the long-term V relationship I am in and am discussing the option of being fluid bonded in a new V I am entering.

I've had many sexual partners and used condoms with all bar about 5 men. For me, being fluid bonded is the ultimate sign of intimacy and desire on my behalf to be in a long-term relationship with the person I'm bonded with.

I always have a full health check before entering a fluid bonded arrangement and ask that my parnter/s do exactly the same.
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  #34  
Old 01-03-2011, 05:47 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieGrrl View Post
I always have a full health check before entering a fluid bonded arrangement and ask that my parnter/s do exactly the same.
If you're in two Vs then you're basically relying upon 4 people to not have unprotected sex with outsiders.... I'd find that difficult. It's easy to see how STDs transfer through open poly communities like a wildfire.
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  #35  
Old 01-03-2011, 05:51 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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GG can't keep it up with a condom on. He didn't have an issue using one if that's what I wanted, but it resulted in very little intercourse. Might as well have agreed to no intercourse-could have done the same thing.

I'm fluid bonded with both GG and Maca.

BUT-I've got almost 14 years with Maca and almost 18 years with GG.

We have a spoken and written boundary rule that anyone new has to be tested for a full range of STD's and use a condom. The condom use stays until they are accepted as a permanent fixture in the family.
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  #36  
Old 01-03-2011, 05:55 AM
AussieGrrl AussieGrrl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
If you're in two Vs then you're basically relying upon 4 people to not have unprotected sex with outsiders.... I'd find that difficult. It's easy to see how STDs transfer through open poly communities like a wildfire.
Well, one V is long-term (9 years) and we've never had an issue there and are all tested regularly.

The other one I am at the 'thinking about' stage, but in that one, everybody has been tested and all are fine. The issue in this relationship is trust. I've only known the guy for about a year and the woman for a shorter period.
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  #37  
Old 01-03-2011, 05:59 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieGrrl View Post
Well, one V is long-term (9 years)

.
Now that is impressive!...back to the original topic
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  #38  
Old 01-03-2011, 06:26 AM
preciselove preciselove is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieGrrl View Post
Well, one V is long-term (9 years) and we've never had an issue there and are all tested regularly.

The other one I am at the 'thinking about' stage, but in that one, everybody has been tested and all are fine. The issue in this relationship is trust. I've only known the guy for about a year and the woman for a shorter period.
Yes but I guess I see it a bit like this. If one of your new V partners gave you a STD then eventually you'd infect your old V partners. Old V trust you to be careful, you in turn trust the new V people to be careful but if they aren't they are breaking more than just your trust (depending upon how you see trust I guess).

I don't know why but it just interests me how the damage can be so magnified in such a setup. Would be devastating if something did happen.
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  #39  
Old 01-03-2011, 04:35 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I'm fluid bonded with my gf. She is tested regularly as part of her medical care as she transitions, but before we met she hadn't had sex in 3 yrs w her ex (long story), and they'd always used condoms for birth control previous to that.

I'd been monogamous for 32 years myself. So I knew I was clean. My ex had a gf for a while, but she was tested before they had sex.

Now, I've got this boytoy, my FWB. We've been together 21 months and he's mostly just been with me all that time (which amazes me sometimes, that I can meet the sexual needs of a horny 22 yr old, lol). He had one short fling last summer, but used condoms. And we always use condoms. I am sure we don't physically need to, as I can't get pregnant, but my gf insists I used condoms with anyone I fuck, to sort of mark her as my primary.

I'd never really used condoms before my ex and I separated. Back when I was single in the 70s, I was on bc pills and got lucky, never caught anything. But then I met my ex when I was 19, lived mono for 35 years, and that was that.

Now, I think condoms are actually kind of kinky! lol Maybe I should surprise the boy with a female condom one of these days...
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  #40  
Old 01-05-2011, 12:48 AM
AussieGrrl AussieGrrl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preciselove View Post
Yes but I guess I see it a bit like this. If one of your new V partners gave you a STD then eventually you'd infect your old V partners. Old V trust you to be careful, you in turn trust the new V people to be careful but if they aren't they are breaking more than just your trust (depending upon how you see trust I guess).

I don't know why but it just interests me how the damage can be so magnified in such a setup. Would be devastating if something did happen.


Agree - hence I'm still at the 'thinking about it stage' with the new V!!
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