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  #21  
Old 01-02-2011, 05:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
I would, but I don't know HOW or WHY anyone would misconstrue or be offended by the statement.

I can speculate that perhaps because I am from a different generation there is a communication gap going on. (I am 61 years old.) Am I too old to be in this forum?

I do speak from experience and I have observed that more women than men give a lot of importance to being "understood." Its a generality of course, but I certainly did not think or intend to offend anyone.

If being offended easily is not being "fragile" emotionally, I don't know what else you would call it. I have learned to be a little more "thick skinned" than I was when I was in my 20's. I forget that younger people are sometimes very sensitive and fragile and it is hard to talk to them frankly.
Ah, there you go... you are not too old to be here... age is irrelevant to what we talk about here. There is wisdom in every age. What is relevant is the way in which things are said... I hope my previous post helps with that... if there is still confusion then please feel free to PM me. That way we can get on with the topic at hand.
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-02-2011 at 05:51 AM.
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  #22  
Old 01-02-2011, 06:21 AM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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Yes I think you've got the gist of it. Tact has never been one of my strong suites. LOL. Just please try not to be offended by my tone. I am not the kind of person who walks on eggs around people. I just say what I think. That is just my style. I Don't take life too seriously.

And I am sure there is no one on this earth who could understand me "completely." We are each of us very unique and complicated creatures and we should not expect miracles from each other.
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  #23  
Old 01-02-2011, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
Yes I think you've got the gist of it. Tact has never been one of my strong suites. LOL. Just please try not to be offended by my tone. I am not the kind of person who walks on eggs around people. I just say what I think. That is just my style. I Don't take life too seriously.
Heh, this forum tends to attract people that talk straight up

I think the only person I expect miracles from is myself... sometimes to a fault.
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  #24  
Old 01-02-2011, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
Seriously???

If you find "great offence" in that, then I am wondering if you could handle my honest conversation or any of my kind of real truth.

(I seriously thought you were joking.)

Is everyone else in this forum is that delicate and fragile?

People are so quick to jump to conclusions about me on this forum without taking the time to get to know me.

You misunderstand my words, and my intentions and you judge me and take offense at very little.

When you lose the opportunity to know someone you lose a lot.

There is no way I can be "all knowing" and know what any given person is going to take offense of.

I will speak my mind and my truth anyway. You are responsible for your reactions and I am responsible for mine.

I have found no love on this polyamory "love' forum.
Perhaps it would help not to attack a statement made by someone else - based on your own perception. I found the comment to be offensive... I wasn't hurt by it, nor am I 'delicate and fragile'... If you knew me at all you would understand I am very very strong.

Just as you would not walk on eggs around people - neither do I. I found a number of your comments offensive, or disrespectful or simply off-topic.

I feel no anger towards you, I do not know you and realise my perception of what you have said is unlikely to be the way it was meant - however, just as you would like to be understood better in your phrasing/tone, I, for one, would like to have my posts and feelings/opinions treated with a little more regard.

I do realise this is probably largely due to different communication styles. But personally - if someone tells me that I have offended them, even when done unintentionally - I will apologise, and try to help them understand what I meant, I will not laugh and then ridicule, or demean by saying they must be 'delicate and fragile'.

If I was misunderstood it is my responsibility to correct that.
If I don't know how or why I offended it is also my responsibility to find out.

So, if I have misunderstood you any further in this post - please message me privately and I will be happy to iron out our difference of opinion. same if I have offended you at all...

Otherwise I am genuinely curious to understand how you feel about my original question... Especially as you do have the benefit of age and experience. If you feel you have already answered that question... would you mind rephrasing it as I seem to have missed your opinion on that topic.
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  #25  
Old 01-02-2011, 01:17 PM
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Quote:
Otherwise I am genuinely curious to understand how you feel about my original question... Especially as you do have the benefit of age and experience. If you feel you have already answered that question... would you mind rephrasing it as I seem to have missed your opinion on that topic.
On your original question, I would have to say that honesty is always the only way I would personally go, what ever the price, but only because I value the truth, The rest of my response to this post will be sent privately.

Next time, if you want a private response, please send me a private message.
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  #26  
Old 01-02-2011, 05:48 PM
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My gf and I have been together for 2 years. We tell each other everything. We share til it hurts (and it does hurt bad sometimes) and always come out closer and stronger each time! We do try and be tactful and use "I statements." I've been trained as a counselor and practice that kind of communication in my volunteer work, and used it with my kids and everyone I know, as much as possible. Sometimes I slip.

I hid a lot of things from my ex (30 yr marriage) b/c I knew it hurt him, but he always suspected things, even imagined worse things going on (like i was cheating, wanted to leave him) than was really happening (crushes and mild flirtations occasionally).

I determined never to hide anything real about myself from a partner ever again. I get compliments from men all the time on ok cupid for my candidness (the info on my profile and how I talk in chat). Partners who want a lasting relationship will accept all of you, good and bad, and love you more in the end, I am finding.

No one will ever know you completely. If you are living and growing, you're a work in progress and are a slightly different person each day. But it's great to keep you lover informed of your progress, as you come to understand it and be able to express it, so they know who they are dealing with as much as possible.
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  #27  
Old 01-02-2011, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I determined never to hide anything real about myself from a partner ever again. I get compliments from men all the time on ok cupid for my candidness (the info on my profile and how I talk in chat). Partners who want a lasting relationship will accept all of you, good and bad, and love you more in the end, I am finding.

No one will ever know you completely. If you are living and growing, you're a work in progress and are a slightly different person each day. But it's great to keep you lover informed of your progress, as you come to understand it and be able to express it, so they know who they are dealing with as much as possible.
well said Magdlyn, my philosophy also... there is nothing more bonding and real than being who you are as honestly as possible, that includes the not so nice stuff too.
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  #28  
Old 01-02-2011, 06:47 PM
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Even the smallest, seemingly inconsequential secrets can damage a relationship. Honesty isn't always easy, but it is very freeing.
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