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Old 08-29-2009, 07:30 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

This thread, along with attending our monthly poly meeting, got me to thinking about my requirements to be healthy in my relationship and in the agreed upon boundaries Redpepper and I have.

I was explaining polyfidelity to one of the group members and the look I got in return made me pause and reflect. It wasn't disapproval or judgement but it was genuine disbelief I think. It had a lot to do with my total compersion for what Redpepper and her husband when I can't even fathom the idea of another man coming into her life above the depth of a close friend...i.e sexual intimacy of many forms.

I had a chat with her about how I felt things were maturing in our group as well as in other areas socially where she is finding community that she so badly wants. I told her I was feeling selfish and that my requirements were unfair to her in light of her just finding all of these interesting, open minded and poly friends.

I was not saying anything had changed for me as far as how much I loved her and in wanting to continue building our future. Nor am I any more able to or even want to alter my boundaries. I wanted her to know that regardless of what happens to us, I will always love her and be a part of her life in as positive a way as I can be forever. It kind of felt like giving her the option to be set free for lack of a better description and letting her know there could never be anything other than love in my heart for her.

If things were to change for us we will find a way to be in each others lives...we both feel it is meant to be no other way.

I asked her to always be true to herself and she re-affirmed that she has what she wants and is fulfilled. Neither of us can look way into the future and see what will transpire. We will continue to work towards or goals and see where the journey takes us.

I guess the purpose of this comment is simply a reminder to check in with your boundaries even if it may change things or they seem to be working fine. Being true to each other and ourselves is the first priority in building a long and happy life with those you love...In my humble opinion

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 08-29-2009 at 03:39 PM.
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boundaries, boundary negotiation, boundary pushing, boundary setting, broken agreements, dating, guidelines, jealousy, managing relationships, negotiation, poly, primary, rules, rules vs boundaries, secondary, trust issues, veto

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