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  #101  
Old 12-21-2010, 06:27 PM
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Sounds to me like you guys experienced a challenge, learned a bit more about each other and your boundaries, and are ready to move on. Frankly I think you all handled this with maturity and good communication

Nice!
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  #102  
Old 12-24-2010, 03:23 AM
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I really hate depression...I SHOULD be extremely happy right now...but I'm not. I SHOULD be jumpiong in the streets...but I'm not......

L and V had a long heart to heart today. They got some issues worked out between them. I am still not quite sure if I want to continue on this path. L has some extreme jealousy issues....justifyably so...but it's just so difficult to deal with on a regular basis, that I'm seriously not sure I'm willing to keep the relationship going. V and I get along good.....L and V get along good...L and I are MARRIED....and get along VERY good. (Expecially considering we've been married for 20 years) So why aren't I happy? Why can't I make myself happy? Why am I in such terrible times? I am litterally depressed further than I can remember being. And it sucks. No idea why...I just am.

Found out today, that V thinks I touch and try to hold her hand too much....Weird...I thought she liked it. I guess she was just being polite though. *shrug*

MAYBE, my being so tired, is playing hard on my emotions right now...and I should just shut the hell up and go to sleep......It's probably the best thing to do right now. LOL ?Have a nice evening...and I probably won't get on again until after christmas.



p.s. V is scheduled to spend the night on Christmas, and again on New Years. Not sure about that yet...but maybe when I'm not so tired and depressed, it'll sound like a good thing again. I only know that I'm NOT going to sleep in the middle this time! Gonna be at the edge of the bed so I keep outta trouble.
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  #103  
Old 12-25-2010, 03:01 AM
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Updates....

Ok...After some soul searching, and LOTS of talking with L....I have decided to forge ahead and try to make this relationship work. I want to have V fall in love with both L and myself and us for her.


Why am I even typing this? Because....Even though I am open to the poly ideals and ways....I had guarded my own heart. After being hurt by close friends and past lovers....and scoured through the salt fields after being ripped apart.....I was very apprehensive to allow myself to love another woman again.

However, with my wife's approval, I am going to try to move this forward.

My wife says that she WANTS me to love V...As long as I don't forget my marriage (of 20 years) or my love for my wife. Now this may seem like a weird request, but...I see it as a viable request by her. So it works for us. I have assured her that I would NEVER forget about my love for her, and our marriage.

Now, will I be able to make this relationship continue and work? I hope so....I could really use the extra love.
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  #104  
Old 12-25-2010, 06:53 AM
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We could all use some extra love. Sometimes giving the extra can hurt, twinge. You have to make allowances for differences in personality, levels of desire. You have to be patient. Cuz sometimes, when it seems like things are working against you, you're just reading in. And sometimes, when things are truly working against you, you have to fight. It can be hard when you're an overthinker, to realize what's what.
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  #105  
Old 12-26-2010, 05:06 PM
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Ok....Yesterday...was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

V had to work until 6pm. That kinda sucked. But the time we all spent together when she got to our house...was so nice. She came over, and we had dinner as a family. L and I's two kids, L, V, and myself. All together at the table felt natural. My kids are accepting her as a family member. L and I had ZERO issues last night.....except for me feeling as though I was pushed to the edge of the bed. But meah...That was so minor, it was almost not worth mentioning.

After dinner, V, L myself and my 13 y/o son sat at the dinner table and played poker, then blackjack. Eventually, my son migrated to the computer, leaving me, L, and V playing blackjack. That was fun. No real "bets", but just the satisfaction of a winning hand or two....Then, L, V, and myself migrated to the bedroom to give V a nice massage before bed. She had a long hard day at work, so we wanted to help her to relax a bit.

My wife L is the one in school to become a licensed massage therapist, so she was the one giving out the massage. It was so relaxing and calming.

Then, we all got ready for bed...........

We slept well.....when we slept. (Come on...did you REALLY think I would give a break down of the ENTIRE night?)

I will say that it was some of the best sex L and I have had in a VERY long time. A true gentleman doesn't tell. While not a true gentleman, I am respectful of V and L.

Anyway, This morning, was just as awesome. V woke up first. Then L went to the from room, followed by myself. L made omeletts, while I helped. It was so great this morning. We all three reflected a bit.

V left with a smile on her face, while L and I had smiles on ours too. We were a bit sadened by the fact that she had to go....but alas, she had her blood relatives to go see still.
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  #106  
Old 01-01-2011, 06:00 AM
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Time to take a break....We moved to a new house today. Just me and L and our kids. V came over and helped to unload after she got off work. However, she must have had a bad day at work.....tempers flared between all of us. That sucks.

I hate allowing myself to start developing feelings, and then having a disagreement almost immediatly after.

Tonight, I'm pretty sad and upset. I'm just depressed again I think....but then again....maybe not. Maybe now, I'm thinking rationally. ??? Sigh.......I told V, tonight, that L and I were going to give her some space and stop bugging her so much. She said that she didn't think that we were smothering her, but I think we are. I told L that I wasn't going to send any communications to V, until she sent something to us....and even then....my responses would be short and to the point.

Seriously considering breaking up with her. :/

I'm afraid of getting my feelings crushed again.......And I won't allow myself to be in that situation again. Sooo....yeah. I think I'm just gonna go back to being mono. I hate the new year so far........And it's only a few minutes old. This sucks.


The worst part? I started drinking out of frustration and anger tonight. This makes me almost want to cry. I havent done that in like 18 years or so.
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  #107  
Old 01-01-2011, 06:07 AM
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Honey we will get through this. It is just a ripple in the pond. We are both sick and very tired. Our life is going to have ups and downs, this is part of life. Please dont get depressed on me now, we have our 20 th anniversary on the 16th and have big plans alone.

As to the drinking shit, this is why we left our last couple. Please remember that and don't over react. We will all be fine just need our space

Give it a couple of days and see where we are at
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  #108  
Old 01-01-2011, 06:16 AM
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Whatever. I'm giving it a long time....Thats all I know. and my walls....which were donw....Just went right back up again. Protective mechanism I guess. I can't help it. I just can't handle getting hurt like I was before. So I won't allow myself to become that close again. And that sucks.
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  #109  
Old 01-01-2011, 06:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Whatever. I'm giving it a long time....Thats all I know. and my walls....which were donw....Just went right back up again. Protective mechanism I guess. I can't help it. I just can't handle getting hurt like I was before. So I won't allow myself to become that close again. And that sucks.
Backing up and taking things slower can be a good thing. Walls that come down too fast can be in danger of crumbling, where as if they come down bit by bit, there is time to reinforce and stabalize everything first so the entire structure doesn't come down with it.

TL you are not the only one that goes through these wild emotional highs and lows. I used to think I was damaged, I don't know anyone that could relate to how devastating a fight with someone I loved could be and how it just sends me off the deep end of despair. Don't do anything while in this mindset and don't do anything while your sick.

Moves suck on the best of days! We have not had a move where my husband and I did not get into a MAJOR fight (we have also been married 19 years). This last one, I knew our pattern and I really tried to avoid it, but nope, major blow up. At least this last one we waited until our friends and family went home first.
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  #110  
Old 01-01-2011, 01:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Backing up and taking things slower can be a good thing. Walls that come down too fast can be in danger of crumbling, where as if they come down bit by bit, there is time to reinforce and stabalize everything first so the entire structure doesn't come down with it.
Yeah, I'm just stopping for a while. I tried not to say anything which would totally ruin anything....but...meah. Fuck it. I probably did anyway. And at this point..............

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
TL you are not the only one that goes through these wild emotional highs and lows. I used to think I was damaged, I don't know anyone that could relate to how devastating a fight with someone I loved could be and how it just sends me off the deep end of despair. Don't do anything while in this mindset and don't do anything while your sick.
Too late. I already told V that I thought L and I were smothering her, and we would be backing off a bit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
Moves suck on the best of days! We have not had a move where my husband and I did not get into a MAJOR fight (we have also been married 19 years). This last one, I knew our pattern and I really tried to avoid it, but nope, major blow up. At least this last one we waited until our friends and family went home first.
Yeah, I know our pattern of the same thing...and try as I would, it made no difference. I still exploded while V was over. L and V had words also. Not exactly a happy time to say the least.


I keep trying to remember that ALL relationships have their arguments, and pitfalls. I'm TRYING to remember that it's not all going to be sunshine and roses. However, Just as L and I are stuck in our ways....So is V.
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