long distance and poly??

[kala83]

as much as I myself would like to think that things hold a chance of working I am starting to have my doubts, the girlfriend in the relationship has expressed that she does not want to try at this relationship anymore and as much as it pains me I must give the bf and the gf now ex's space and let them make their decisions.

they had issues within their relationship before I came into the picture and even though I served as a lovely distraction for them for a time, they thought they could repair their issues with me added to the picture but it seems that this not going all wrong.

its very hard cause I really did end up falling for both him and for her and I wish that I could have the happy feelings that I felt with the both of them just last me for my life time but I can't make people feel for me what I feel for them.

and maybe if I give them space I can have a second chance but I am not sure at this point. I need to try and re focus on myself and my life right now as hard as that might be for me to do.

[Somegeezer]

Originally Posted by kala83

as much as I myself would like to think that things hold a chance of working I am starting to have my doubts, the girlfriend in the relationship has expressed that she does not want to try at this relationship anymore and as much as it pains me I must give the bf and the gf now ex's space and let them make their decisions.

they had issues within their relationship before I came into the picture and even though I served as a lovely distraction for them for a time, they thought they could repair their issues with me added to the picture but it seems that this not going all wrong.

its very hard cause I really did end up falling for both him and for her and I wish that I could have the happy feelings that I felt with the both of them just last me for my life time but I can't make people feel for me what I feel for them.

and maybe if I give them space I can have a second chance but I am not sure at this point. I need to try and re focus on myself and my life right now as hard as that might be for me to do.

Good idea to focus on yourself and your own happiness. That was pretty selfish of them to bring you into a relationship which already had problems.

[kala83]

yeah I do admit the bf at the time totally admited that what he was doing was purly being selfish in the fact that he wanted to try and keep his relationship with her and also with me.

and I truly do in retro spec feel a little foolish for letting myself fall for him like I did. I can't believe that they are the ones telling me I am acting childish because I kept texting them today trying to talk to them about the situation and have a discussion about it.
but its obvious that the damage they have cause is done and there is very little to do but just try and push through the hurt and try to get on with my life...I just wish that when I really meet people that do truly care and love me as they do.....that they could try consider others around them.

but I am not really one to talk my issue is the exact opposite in that I think of everyone else that is involved in the relationships first rather then myself at all, until everything with everyone else has been resolved.

I am really un sure if this will be the last time I hear from them just cause they have a tenancy of saying one thing but then really ending up doing another.
but if I do end up hearing something back I will most certainly try to be cautious in how I go about with anything.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by SourGirl

Where it changes with YOU,..redpepper,..is you come across as quite dismissive of other peoples relationships, if it isn`t your particular style.
2 things everyone knows from reading redpeppers threads. #1-hates casual sex. #2-has no respect for LDR`s.

Ok,...we got it.

I don`t know if thats just how you type, or my perception is off,..but its chronic, whichever it is. You mention that you don`t know how anyone could think you have a negative take on it. I can answer this. I think back to the frustrations I read in your posts when your husband was dating that woman who was moving away. That would be when I first noticed a dismissive air to the posts. Most others all begin with you speaking of your negative experience.

This post of yours, that I am quoting today, is the first time I have read in you, the ability to seperate your personal style, from what works for others. I quite liked this post of yours actually, I am glad you edited it. This sounds really fair to me.

Thanks for this input sourgirl. Unfortunately you have me wrong. I go through a process like anyone else. I just chose to be very open about it. I don't hate casual sex and don't hate LDR's. I hate them for me... if that is negative then so be it. I have a dismissive air when I am emotional and need help understanding so that I can accept. I have had negative experiences. I talk of them on here also by way of processing them. I am no different than others that write on here looking for answers.

The rest of your post was an interesting perspective. Communication is indeed number one. I guess I took that as a given in my relationships... the touch and smell part only happens when I am with someone and isn't a given. I can see how communication would sustain a relationship for a long time if it were long distant... that seems to work for people, and that is awesome. As I said, finding love in whatever way it comes to us is what its all about.

[preciselove]

Originally Posted by Somegeezer

I don't understand 4 and 2 for the life of me...

It just means there is a lot of difference between 1 3 and 5.