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  #11  
Old 08-28-2009, 09:42 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Mostly what sticks in my craw is the fact that I have shadowboxed with this guy for 8 years, and don't want to have to let it go just when it looked like it was going to go to a new level. Is eight years rushing? I guess it is in the context of this new development, new attitudes, etc., but that's why it doesn't quite feel like I'm being hasty or overly unrealistic- remember- I wasn't expecting J to lay it all out on the table- so I felt like exactly what you are all saying was happening- an unexpected surprise coming my way after a long history of patience and prudence.

However, I do go all in when I am enthused-yes, and tend to get too intense too quickly.

Oh, and D, stop saying booty call.
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  #12  
Old 08-28-2009, 10:37 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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I think about this in the way that - just b/c people are poly or are interested in relationships with people in general, does not mean that every attraction or interest should be made into more than just an attraction or interest!

I like that I can tell Ouroboros of my attractions... It's actually quite fun! BUT I still don't feel the need to pursue them all- although some are realllllyyyy hott.

I like the weird, uncomfortable feelings of the unknown.... And sometimes once I know what is there, all that awesomeness is lost. I guess that is pNRE

There is value in these relationships, even if just food for thought

"just b/c you can, doesn't mean you should" - now, I know that this may not fit your situation, but I wanted to give you some way to put a positive spin on it, regardless.
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  #13  
Old 08-29-2009, 04:02 AM
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gotta say I really feel patronized by how the last few comments, but I'm sure the intentions were good.

But thanks very much, maybe I'm riled because I just don't want to hear it, and if I don't want to hear everyone's honest opinions and advice, I shouldn't post.
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Last edited by Rarechild; 08-29-2009 at 04:04 AM. Reason: snarkiness
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  #14  
Old 08-29-2009, 06:55 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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He could just be processing. Or he could be scared. Of he could be in trouble with his gf.

I've had open and honest and fast paced discussions cut off by other events (in your case the friend's house). It can be really hard to figure out how to start them back up. It can be even harder if you got information back you were not expecting. For instance, the love doesn't HAVE to be unrequieted after all. He may have been expecting "thank you and I feel the same but we're both in happy relationships". It would have allowed him to get his feelings out there and be known, but still have that "safe" zone of knowing nothing could ever happen. And then you blew him away with a whole new possibility.

Let him process if that's what he needs. An let us know if he does get back to you. And, if this doesn't work, at least take away from it the closeness it has brought to you and your husband and that first thrill of being able to openly tell a love interest of your interest and relationship status. I'm sure it was freeing.
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  #15  
Old 08-30-2009, 12:57 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
Oh, and D, stop saying booty call.
Up until a few years ago, I always wanted to be a frequent booty call. Only managed to be an occasional booty call.

Nowadays, being a booty call is a bit of hassle, as those calls tend to come late in the evening when my old codger ass is wanting sleep. If you want the booty, stop by before I turn into a pumpkin...just sayin'....

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.
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  #16  
Old 08-30-2009, 12:59 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
If you want the booty, stop by before I turn into a pumpkin...just sayin'....

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.
That's the story of my life these days, minus the booty!
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  #17  
Old 09-01-2009, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
He could just be processing. Or he could be scared. Of he could be in trouble with his gf.

I've had open and honest and fast paced discussions cut off by other events (in your case the friend's house). It can be really hard to figure out how to start them back up. It can be even harder if you got information back you were not expecting. For instance, the love doesn't HAVE to be unrequieted after all. He may have been expecting "thank you and I feel the same but we're both in happy relationships". It would have allowed him to get his feelings out there and be known, but still have that "safe" zone of knowing nothing could ever happen. And then you blew him away with a whole new possibility.

Let him process if that's what he needs. An let us know if he does get back to you. And, if this doesn't work, at least take away from it the closeness it has brought to you and your husband and that first thrill of being able to openly tell a love interest of your interest and relationship status. I'm sure it was freeing.
Really good thoughts- thanks. Also Crow and JRM, thanks for the goosing. Needed that too.

Update: J called and invited me to a performance of his, and made sure to invite D too, we didn't get to talk about what had happened, but what I got from the conversation was that he wanted to say he still wants to pursue our friendship, and he wanted to make sure and show respect for D, and let me know he heard where I was coming from. I'm completely happy with this development, feeling less intensity about it, and ready to allow the relationship to seek its own level. I am really thankful for being in a place with D where we could go through this together, and I am glad to have J back in my life, because he's a great person. I've let go of my expectations, which is only fair, and feel good about things now. I was in quite a tizzy.
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  #18  
Old 09-01-2009, 02:37 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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YAY!!! I really have nothing else to say.
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  #19  
Old 09-01-2009, 02:47 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Hooray!
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  #20  
Old 09-01-2009, 03:15 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Very cool Rarechild..I'm happy for you
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