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Old 12-30-2010, 10:35 PM
FlashyAshley FlashyAshley is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Default Is there a name for this arrangement?

Hi, I am new to this whole thing, and the arrangement that my hubby and I have come to does not seem to fit in the bounds of polyamory. I'm curious if it is common, and if there is a name for it.

I have a much higher sex drive than hubby. He is ok with maybe twice a year. Me, more like twice a day if I could get it, lol. After 11 years of marriage spent ignoring my own needs, I told him I wanted a divorce. I did not want to have an affair, but I did not want to be near-celibate at age 33 either. We separated very briefly, and ended up getting back together. The rest of the marriage is great, except this one issue, and I could not see starting over with everything I have invested in my marriage.

Soon after reconciling, we had a long, serious talk about sex, needs and being fulfilled. I mentioned a couple I know who have an arrangement. The woman has the higher drive in that couple as well. She is allowed to go and be with other men, with certain ground rules (protection, no one they know as a couple, discrete, etc.). But the kicker is that the husband does not want to know about it. Not at all. No permission, no details, nothing. It is more like, "honey, I'm going shopping" and she goes and meets her boyfriend. They have a very strict don't ask, don't tell policy on it. Hubby was agreeable to this and maintains that "what I don't know won't hurt me". Of course, deep down he knows that I am having sex with other men, but I guess since it is not shoved in his face he just chooses not to think about it. He assurred me that it is not an issue for him as long as he doesn't find out any details.

Is this common? Is there a name for it? Anyone forsee any pitfalls with this relationship? Thanks!
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