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  #111  
Old 12-28-2010, 09:29 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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i don't mind taking a dump in front of my husband, but i don't really want to see HIM taking a dump, and I suspect the feeling is mutual.
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  #112  
Old 12-28-2010, 09:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I thought of a good comparison earlier today: going to the bathroom with the door open. If it's someone you already trust and you do it, it has the result of your feeling "we don't have anything to hide from one another: even that, which is super intimate, we can do in front of one another". If it's a total stranger, it feels like an intrusion of your privacy and you feel less comfortable with them afterwards. If it's a friend, it might still have the same result. You need a high level of trust for the experience to make you closer rather than turn you away from one another or creating awkwardness.

I don't know why it is that way, and I don't see it as a problem that needs to be fixed. So I don't feel a need to work on it. I don't feel that I need to have sex with more people, or without an emotional connection. I don't think it's inherently wrong or anything like that, but I think it doesn't work that way for me, and that's that. Learning to have sex without an emotional connection is, to me, like learning to use the bathroom in public: not something that would take anything from me, but not something I really have any use for either.
^^this.


and Neonkaos ;

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' I don't mind taking a dump in front of my husband, but i don't really want to see HIM taking a dump, and I suspect the feeling is mutual. '

lmao. I had totally ADD`d on this thread, but this pretty much takes the cake.

Thanks ladies. AWESOME.
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  #113  
Old 12-28-2010, 10:47 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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i don't mind taking a dump in front of my husband, but i don't really want to see HIM taking a dump, and I suspect the feeling is mutual.
muhahaha...awesome.
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  #114  
Old 12-29-2010, 06:25 AM
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Thanks ladies. AWESOME.
This thread is full of awesome.
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  #115  
Old 12-29-2010, 04:48 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
.................

I don't know why it is that way, and I don't see it as a problem that needs to be fixed. So I don't feel a need to work on it. I don't feel that I need to have sex with more people, or without an emotional connection. I don't think it's inherently wrong or anything like that, but I think it doesn't work that way for me, and that's that.
Hey Ton,

Sorry if my challenges to beliefs/concepts got you in a defensive position. It's been a great discussion ! It's nothing about any individual - just a call to challenge any assumptions and where they came from and what impact they may have.

I like that - when someone asks me questions like that - because it's enlightening to have to sit back and retrace where some of our beliefs & assumptions got started or anchored. It can be like someone pointing out you are still carrying your umbrella 3 days after the rain stopped It's like..........hmmmmmm, you're right ! Sheeshhhhhhhhhhh

You're happy with where you are and it's working for you. Wonderful ! All that matters.

For those still trying on/out different modes it's good to see as many options as possible. Gotta luv it.

GS

PS: the bathroom analogy.....can't make the connection. But if I had to think that through I'd have to say I'd want to get comfortable with a public dump when appropriate/necessary. Hiking through the flat desert in a group can call in demands that have to be met. Hate to shit my pants out of fear and embarrassment and actually makes things WORSE for the remainder of the trip !
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  #116  
Old 12-29-2010, 05:11 PM
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I think of sex as a form of communication, basically. It's really that simple to me. I don't think of it as forming a bond between the participants. I do feel a sense of connection, if it's good, which is part of communicating. Sometimes there is more of an emotional connection, and other times, it's more physical. I do think it is possible for that connection to be love, even if it's a situation where I know I will never see the person again. But it's a kind of love that I can feel without my mind getting all screwed up about it and what that means. If I feel disconnected from my sexual partner, it's frustrating and dissatisfying, like lousy communication. So, to me, sex is sharing who I am with someone (communication) on a level beyond words. In and of itself, sex doesn't have meaning beyond what I will ascribe to it. So, I prefer to be clear about what I want from the act and from the person with whom I am sexual.
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Last edited by nycindie; 12-29-2010 at 05:15 PM.
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  #117  
Old 12-29-2010, 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think of sex as a form of communication, basically. It's really that simple to me. I don't think of it as forming a bond between the participants. I do feel a sense of connection, if it's good, which is part of communicating. Sometimes there is more of an emotional connection, and other times, it's more physical. I do think it is possible for that connection to be love, even if it's a situation where I know I will never see the person again. But it's a kind of love that I can feel without my mind getting all screwed up about it and what that means. If I feel disconnected from my sexual partner, it's frustrating and dissatisfying, like lousy communication. So, to me, sex is sharing who I am with someone (communication) on a level beyond words. In and of itself, sex doesn't have meaning beyond what I will ascribe to it. So, I prefer to be clear about what I want from the act and from the person with whom I am sexual.
I love the way you expressed that. It is a wonderful expression of how I feel as well.
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  #118  
Old 12-30-2010, 06:39 AM
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agreeing with mindful ... lovely way of putting it....
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  #119  
Old 01-01-2011, 04:53 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Yes - I agree also.

That's a view/mindset that used to be more prevalent but seems to have disappeared.

Sexuality is a wonderful way of sharing ourselves intimately with others, especially when you can let go and let your true self surface.
It shows our passion, our fears, our vulnerability and so much more. And maybe that's too much for many. They aren't prepared to be that 'exposed'.
For myself, I want that in my interaction with people. And want them to coax that out of me !

GS
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  #120  
Old 01-02-2011, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Sexuality is a wonderful way of sharing ourselves intimately with others, especially when you can let go and let your true self surface.
It shows our passion, our fears, our vulnerability and so much more. And maybe that's too much for many. They aren't prepared to be that 'exposed'.
For myself, I want that in my interaction with people. And want them to coax that out of me !
Thanks to all who enjoyed my "definition." GS, I loved what you had to say, as well. I am printing it out and keeping it handy.
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