Showing affection in front of other partners

[redpepper]

Are sectional L shaped couches poly couches or something?! We have one too. I love it. I love feeling like we are all together even if someone is at the other end. I sit smack in the middle with PN on the left... he is the left guy and Mono on the right... he is the right guy. Usually with my feet on PN and Mono snugged up to my shoulder. Sometimes PN sprawls out more, but he likes to sit up right. He isn't as much of a cuddle, so it suits me fine to just be touching him.

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Are sectional L shaped couches poly couches or something?! We have one too. I love it. I love feeling like we are all together even if someone is at the other end. I sit smack in the middle with PN on the left... he is the left guy and Mono on the right... he is the right guy. Usually with my feet on PN and Mono snugged up to my shoulder. Sometimes PN sprawls out more, but he likes to sit up right. He isn't as much of a cuddle, so it suits me fine to just be touching him.

*snort* Poly couches. I love it!

[Tonberry]

When you think about it, L couches are really... V couches

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Tonberry

When you think about it, L couches are really... V couches

Well from now on I think we might just call it that.

[BrigidsDaughter]

I'm so looking forward to getting new furniture in February/ March - we're prolly gonna get a sectional with either a sofa bed or a chaise lounge. All I know is that I'll finally be able to cuddle both my boys at the same time. Oh the mischief I'll be able to get up to then.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by Somegeezer

Why does the idea of a cuddle pile make you want to "jet from the room"? I could understand not wanting to participate, but that sounds like a serious phobia or something. Are your husband and boyfriend separate from each other too? Do they also enjoy they get you alone from each other when snuggling? Have you ever snuggled one in front of the other? What was the others reaction if so?

I don`t think it`s a phobia. It`s a preference due to my private nature. I feel the same when lots of family members are hugging 'good-byes' and one makes a point of being extra sappy. I always wish inwardly they would say what they had to say in private. If it was a phobia, I`d probably stop people, instead of just 'wishing' the attention away.
I understand people`s needs for showing affection differently then me, and try to find that balance.

ariakas already chimed in with some of what he feels. My guess, to date, is that they could both take it, or leave it. They are happy for the alone time, and if I don`t want to hold both of their hands, skipping through tulips, that`s fine by them.

I have tried ....( hmmm I think), 3 times doing some form of touch on both of them at the same time. Holding hands once, and 'snuggling' the third time. All of those times I initiated, in the attempt to try something different. All 3 times I felt ok the first minute, and increasingly less so as minutes passed. It`s just not my cup of tea.

Never afraid to try something new, but once tried, I know when something doesn`t work for me.

I have snuggled my husband in front of the bf, but not vice versa. It`s a relationship that believes in heirarchical roles, so I highly doubt it bugged ariakas at all. It certainly doesn`t bug me when he snuggles his wife in front of me. I have also tried to let myself be snuggled in front of ariakas wife, and didnt feel comfortable that way either.

I can do it, but my preference is privacy.

[redpepper]

Might I suggest sourgirl that much of your discomfort could be due to the fact that your relationship with Ari is long distance and you simply haven't had enough long time together, and haven't been together all that long.

I'm much like you in that I don't like much physical interaction. With my men though it took about a year to feel entirely comfortable with showing affection to one, then the other and both at the same time. Most of the time I don't show anyone affection publically.

Derby I feel a bit more comfortable more quickly, but pull away from anything but holding hands. Recently there was a friend taking pictures at a party. She had people go under the mistletoe to get a picture taken. I was very uncomfortable and awkward. A lot of the people there were fine with it, but I wasn't. Its kind of a lack of control thing somehow or its to intimate.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Might I suggest sourgirl that much of your discomfort could be due to the fact that your relationship with Ari is long distance and you simply haven't had enough long time together, and haven't been together all that long.

I wish it were that simple. I am like this in my local relationships as well. I have a male friend I have known since I was 14. From your descriptions I have read in other posts, he would be what you call a non-sexual boyfriend. He even lived with us for awhile. I wouldn`t even prop my feet up on his lap with someone else in the room.

I can think of others as well, but I`ve already blabbed more about myself then I usually care to.

It`s more about hierarchy then anything.

Originally Posted by redpepper

Recently there was a friend taking pictures at a party. She had people go under the mistletoe to get a picture taken. I was very uncomfortable and awkward. A lot of the people there were fine with it, but I wasn't. Its kind of a lack of control thing somehow or its to intimate.

I recognize my lack of enthusiasm for this type of thing, and if people are good natured and just having respectful fun, then I usually suck it up, and go along with it, as long as someone isn`t dictating . In the end,..who does it hurt ? ...no one.

Where it crosses the line for me, is the type of person who likes to grab arms and 'drag' a person into things. Or the peer pressure crap. I will pull back and say something blunt. That person usually ends up feeling silly.

You are right on this, its probably a control feature over intimacy. Some of us are just wired this way.

[redpepper]

Oh my, so much like me... Blah. I say something blunt also and then hurt someones feelings so that I can save face. I usually sick it up to and then go an hide in the bathroom to come down from my anxiety. So silly really.