Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

View Poll Results: How do you view sex?
I'm a MAN...and I HAVE TO HAVE SEX to feel love 9 32.14%
I', a WOMAN...and I HAVE TO HAVE SEX to feel love 13 46.43%
I'm a MAN...and I could care less if I have sex or not. 3 10.71%
I'm a WOMAN...and I could care less if I have sex or not. 3 10.71%
Voters: 28. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 12-25-2010, 05:04 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,571
Default

I think the third category, needs to be: If I love, then I have to have sex (or at least REALLY want it).

If I don't love, then I could care less about sex.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 12-25-2010, 05:33 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,376
Default

I think the categories are too black and white. The answers you provides can be summed up as "Sex is essential" and "Sex is irrelevant". But there is a lot of wiggle room between essential and irrelevant!
I don't need sex to be in love. Actually, I've always been in love long before having sex with said person. Never have I first had sex, then fallen in love, if I'm not in love at the time we have sex, I won't be. At least if I am to believe past experiences.

However, it's not true that I couldn't care less about sex. I do care about it a lot. It's just not something I require in order to be in love.

Imagine if you asked that same question about love. If the options were "love is essential: I can't have sex if I'm not in love" and "I couldn't care less about love", you'd be missing a whole lot of people: those who can have sex with or without love, and feel love is very important.

If sex and love are dissociated, then you can find both important but not essential to one another.

Of course the fact it's cut between men and women excludes people as well, but I guess your whole purpose here was to see if people who identify as male and people who identify as female would have different answers, so I guess it kind of makes sense for you to ask it this way.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 12-25-2010, 05:45 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

Tonberry brings up a good point. I have excluded people who identify as gender queer, or bisexual, or are a man who identifies as a woman, or visa versa.

Come on people...Don't be so specific. Sometimes, a question is simply a question. It's not meant to be exculsionary or exclusive. It's not meant to single anyone out. It's simply a question. Sometimes, you can't include EVERYONE. Sometimes, some people will just have to accept that they have been left out....and it's not intentional...it just "is".


SNeacail, Yes, I should have put that one....as it may have included a lot more people from this lifestyle....but I was deliberatly trying to be more black and white. There is a point where people need to not be wishy washy. LOL No offense people.....If you're not sure which to choose, post your view...and I'll let you know where you fall within MY spectrum.....It may not fall in the same place as yours....it is BEST for you to choose for yourself though.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 12-25-2010, 07:34 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,571
Default

While I'm not crazy about your poll, I like this discussion.

Last edited by SNeacail; 12-25-2010 at 08:29 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 12-25-2010, 07:58 PM
pixie pixie is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 11
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Then the appropriate box for you to click, would be the last one, which says "I'm a woman and I could care less if I have sex or not". I mean, you almost quoted it when you stated it above. No idea why the confusion.

Since you agree, then the same would go for you too RP.

Not trying to be offending in any way either ladies. Just stating something which, to me, is obvious.



I also stated at the end that there would obviously be other options, and I apologized for not being smart enough to include everyone's choices. I simply couldn't think of them all. LOL I mean, there are about as many ways of showing romantic love, as there are people. There's only 10 choices possible. I tried to keep it simple and broadly generalized.

So, you either have to have sex in order to complete romantic love, or you don't. I, personally, do.
Nope, I disagree completely, and you completely misunderstand my point. I both agree and disagree with both your options for me so can't tick either, or I could tick both, because for me at least it is not an either/or situation that can be broadly generalised.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 12-26-2010, 12:32 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Then the appropriate box for you to click, would be the last one, which says "I'm a woman and I could care less if I have sex or not". I mean, you almost quoted it when you stated it above. No idea why the confusion.

Since you agree, then the same would go for you too RP.

Not trying to be offending in any way either ladies. Just stating something which, to me, is obvious.
I think what is keeping me from chosing that option is the "couldn't care less" part... I do care and would very much like to have some relationships interactive in that kind of way, it just isn't the best choice for me or them or everyone else. If it said "I'm a woman and don't require sex with with partners" or something along those lines then I would click it no problem. Maybe its semantics, but to me it's a bit of a bruise to think that I am not interested in sex... so not true and quite the opposite. I am practicing NOT going straight to sex in order to connect. I'm trying to see it as a spiritual thing. A connection of spirit rather than fucking... if that makes sense...
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 12-26-2010, 04:18 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907
Default

RP,
It makes sense. To me, I like to build a relationship with the woman first. Then, after I have developed that relationship...Sex somewhat completes the circle so to speak. At least for me. I feel that there can be sex with out love, but there can't be "romantic" love without sex.
__________________
There is a lid for every pot...Sometimes even two or three...
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 12-26-2010, 05:42 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
RP,
It makes sense. To me, I like to build a relationship with the woman first. Then, after I have developed that relationship...Sex somewhat completes the circle so to speak. At least for me. I feel that there can be sex with out love, but there can't be "romantic" love without sex.
*nod* I get that... normally this is the same for me, but I have come across love in my life that doesn't include sex... *shrug* I don't question. I just open my heart and let it out. What else to do really? Besides I have enough sex going on... I don't need more. Seriously, I don't
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 12-26-2010, 06:36 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872
Default

It really depends on the person and the stage of the relationship.

Yes in general sex is important
But no it is not the most important or even required. You can achieve intimacy without sex.
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 12-26-2010, 06:43 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822
Default

For me sex is like breathing, its something I need to do and when I'm not getting it regularly it feels like not being able to catch your breath (I have asthma so the not being able to breathe thing is familiar) and desperately wanting to. I've had relationships start with sex (my husband in particular) and relationships that started with friendship and lead to sex (my bestfriend/ lover/ boyfriend). I can have sex without a relationship (casual sex) but the idea of not having sex with the people I love is just crazy to me.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:39 PM.