Originally Posted by StrangerinKS
. . . all through this, her words said one thing but her actions said another.
Trust what she DOES. People can say anything, but ACTIONS reveal the heart.
If you choose to continue your romantic involvement with your ex, be forewarned. She has already demonstrated the capacity to hurt you badly, in a disrespectful and cavalier manner. And you have allowed that hurtful behavior. Neither of you is showing YOU much love or respect. No wonder your wife is protective and angry.
If you do decide to reconcile with your ex, have a plan in place to respect and love yourself enough to see that she does not hurt you again. If you can't do that for yourself, do it to protect your wife from having to watch you suffer.
Good luck to you, wherever this leads.