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  #1  
Old 08-28-2009, 03:30 PM
LadyMacbeth LadyMacbeth is offline
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Default What a week! NRE and pNRE

Macbeth and I have had a wonderful, emotionally intense week that sets my head spinning to think about it, and the ground we've covered. In our reading, we have seen it stated again and again that opening the conversation about poly provides opportunities for candor that had never existed before. Because of our closeness and increased intimacy, I felt able to share some shameful behaviors in my past that I had kept from him. This was painful and emotional, but powerful and has brought us closer. I also felt able to share some of the patterns in our relationship that had been hurtful to me.

I have been dating a good friend, although physical has not progressed beyond kissing. I considered halting that relationship completely until Macbeth and I had the opportunity to work through the uncovered potential issues in our own relationship. I also didn't want to miss out on a wonderful opportunity with the bf, who is truly mono...

Then...Macbeth started to have some pNRE (pre new relationship energy) as he identified a couple of prospects, and this led us to both feel more comfortable in my building attachment with the bf, although I decided for myself to make no physical progression until all three of us felt comfortable. The bf has expressed fears that his friendly caring will turn into love and that he wouldn't be able to handle that within the current arrangement. So we've all three decided to slow things down and just absolutely enjoy our time. The bf and I are enjoying long conversations, jogging, holding hands, and kissing which has been wonderful. The first time Macbeth called him my "boyfriend" I had a surge of joy.

Can I say, this is all very fun and wonderful, and also emotionally intense and exhausting? However, I've never felt more alive.
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Old 08-28-2009, 03:39 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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This is great to hear!!

I love your ability to impose a healthy pace in the growth of your relationship although it is so easy to get caught up in NRE.
Keep your boyfriend talking and sharing every thought..if he is truly mono, he will probably go through phases similar to me as he becomes closer to you. Keep him talking and enjoy your love!
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Old 08-28-2009, 03:40 PM
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How wonderful!

Enjoy it all!
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Old 08-28-2009, 05:56 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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"...pNRE...." I love it!
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Old 08-28-2009, 09:39 PM
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Sounds as if things are going well!
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Old 08-28-2009, 10:33 PM
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Macbeth Macbeth is offline
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Yes, things are indeed going well. We've both increased our level of comfort, both with where things are, and where they are going, and in expressing our feelings and needs about that.

Since we're practicing a hierarchical form of poly, there have been a lot of things to work through, and we're doing that. We understand that we may be in different places, and that's okay. I'll be pursuing some personal growth opportunities to help, specifically getting into therapy. Better understanding my own needs, and working on issues with both attachment and individuation will only make things better.

I was having some serious issues with the NRE, as LM stated, and making some proactive interactions really helped me to understand what she was experience. She described it at the pre-NRE, which I think is a great way to think about it. I've kind of been thinking about it in a geekier scientific way, as NRpE, or New Relationship potential Energy. Potential new relationships, but also the concept of potential energy. It hasn't been realized, but it's there and I can see how it could play out in action. It's when one or the other of us gets into Kinetic energy that the next stage of feelings will kick in . . .

Truly though, we've never been closer or more connected at any point in nearly 17 years together. I've been embracing those counter-intuitive notions that seem to be part and parcel to this way of thinking. You have to let go to get closer. It's pretty powerful, and I've definitely gone through periods of euphoric giddiness . . . I've also cried more in the last two weeks than I have in my 37 years on this planet. And that's good.

I could go on and on and on, but I'll stop for now. I'm excited for the connections that LM is building, and excited for the connections that may work for me. We'll definitely keep you posted!
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Old 08-29-2009, 02:18 PM
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Wow! you guys are great!

This totally harks of my beginnings with Mono. The crying, the joy, the feeling I got when I could call him my boyfriend. Most of all the immense shift that continues to occur. My relationship with my husband has never been better, although we had some trying moments where I thought that we were done. All that garbage that doesn't get dealt with in a long marriage sometimes came out and was on the table, now it's been recycled into goodness! I am so glad you are taking the time and space as I really feel/think there is no other way to get to a place of comfort and stability without that. As much as the excitement makes us think it's a good idea to jump right in.

I'm very happy for you.
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  #8  
Old 08-30-2009, 04:25 PM
LadyMacbeth LadyMacbeth is offline
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Default New pNRE

All excited for Macbeth! He's shy about dating sites, but last night joined OkCupid and has had a great response. Of course, I think he is hot and sexy in all ways, physically and personality. He has a little less self-confidence, so seeing him get winks and messages within the hour of joining has me very excited for him and for us.

We had an interesting conversation yesterday about jealousy. He has been experiencing some jealousy and envy related to my bf, even though we have not progressed past the kissing phase. Because of my desire to take things slowly and not have the "green monster" create too many difficulties, I have felt confident in enjoying the added intimacy with the bf without adding much in the way of sexual expression. Macbeth expressed some concerns that I am NOT having jealousy related to his prospects, as if my lack of jealousy meant something problematic...I don't feel so but it has provided plenty of open conversation. I expressed that his concern regarding this sometimes led to me wanting to SAY I was jealous when I am not. Of course, because of our commitment to 100% open communication, I told him I would not speak of jealousy that doesn't exist.

The wonderful thing is that now the Macbeth is enjoying his pNRE, I am feeling so much more free to enjoy my NRE although still want to take it slow. Having others find Macbeth sexy and alluring makes me find him even more sexy and alluring.
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Old 08-30-2009, 07:44 PM
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Macbeth Macbeth is offline
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Everything she said. Actually had a great chat with someone on OKCupid today, and I think I may be able to say I'm actually experiencing the NRE without the p.

That doesn't sound quite right . . .
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