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  #41  
Old 12-09-2010, 07:13 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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I don't think you are a coward. I think you just have to break through the feeling of needing to be 'accepted' which is a concept that affects the lives, lifestyles, and openness of Many people. As a person who broke free of those conditions a long time ago ... I still can understand. It's a process and something else you can continue working on overcoming so that you can live your lovely poly life openly and freely. *hugs*
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  #42  
Old 12-23-2010, 05:42 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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So happy poly moments for TP and I. Concert was phenomenal..if you've never seen Trans Siberian Orchestra, you must, most of the time I don't like live bands, I always think I could hear the same stuff on the album and not deal with people, and extra noise and expense...but they need to be experienced...ok unrelated tangential plug aside, it was a great night, most time I've spent with Mr. A ever...so she wouldn't feel awkward TP sat in back, so Mr. A and I chatted most of the way up and most of the way back..Geeked out pretty hard over Quarrens, Star Wars EU Novels, and punching the clock at a call centre...I can truly call him a friend.

I was thinking during a quiet moment on the drive home that I was genuinely concerned for Mr. A's possibility of moving away for work because I know what it would do to TP....My issues still abound: women don't want to share, rejection is exponentially worse...etc. etc. and it does get me down, and wear me down the search but I imagine I would have it worse without TP, she's my soft place to fall when need be...and I appreciate that more now, I also appreciate Mr. A and that he relieves some of TPs burden when it comes to me.
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  #43  
Old 12-23-2010, 05:57 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigomontoya View Post
I was thinking during a quiet moment on the drive home that I was genuinely concerned for Mr. A's possibility of moving away for work because I know what it would do to TP....My issues still abound: women don't want to share, rejection is exponentially worse...etc. etc. and it does get me down, and wear me down the search but I imagine I would have it worse without TP, she's my soft place to fall when need be...and I appreciate that more now, I also appreciate Mr. A and that he relieves some of TPs burden when it comes to me.
Aw sweetie, you're no more a burden than Mr. A or I! We've all got our problems, but we're making a good team, the three of us, dissipating the sorrows and amplifying the joys.

It was really nice to have someone else to help with navigation. I felt so happy to see how well you worked together.

And yes, when he moves it will break me a little, but I've been broken before and mended and I plan on getting enough positive out of this now, to make up for the possible negatives later.
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  #44  
Old 12-28-2010, 08:30 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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So I was deep in conversation about Mr. A and TP today (she's happily napping on the couch surrounded by dogs) because she is meeting his parents tonight (incidentally if anyone knows a good way to remove a ring mark from a finger PM TP) and they are hyper-Christian so she's his girlfriend tonight... and as such she's not wearing her ring (duh) and my friend wanted to know how I feel about it...because it's a big step for their relationship and because she's not wearing my ring (not really caring about that but hey the rest of society does)... I am happy for them, minus the hyper-Christian side of thing, and hiding away a part of their relationship...but anyhoo I was asked how I ended up being friends with Mr. A...now my friend is accepting, and pretty bright, and a consummate scientist so it was a genuine question...

I thought about it and we have common interests and personalities (too common sometimes for TP) and really it just came down to the fact that since TP found me attractive and someone worth spending time with, and still does...that her taste in men hasn't changed so naturally her boyfriend would be similar...

not really a point to this one I guess...other than I am becoming more active in searching for an OSO which in and of itself at times seems counter intuitive as I have fallen ass-backwards into any relationship I've ever been in...no really I have...I checked my memory.
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  #45  
Old 12-28-2010, 10:18 PM
rabbit rabbit is offline
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As far as the rings, maybe she could wear a couple of rings on various fingers and a non-wedding ring on that finger. From what I can tell it is pretty normal for people that like rings, to occasionally wear them on the "ring" finger. Either that or wear a band-aid and say she cut herself chopping potatoes

Good luck to all of you for the parent-meeting!
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  #46  
Old 12-28-2010, 10:30 PM
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Mohegan Mohegan is offline
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Ice and lotion is about all I can think of. I've not taken my rings off in 5 years though, so I have perm. marks.
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  #47  
Old 12-29-2010, 02:44 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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It ended up not being that noticeable, so I was okay. But we know now that about 24 hours notice is needed.

I'll have to watch out for tan lines when we go to Cuba in February!! :S
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  #48  
Old 01-02-2011, 05:59 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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lol@indigo and checking your memory. I wish you well in your search. I am glad you and Mr. A did some bonding and even more happy that you truly consider him a friend. Sometimes, that is hard to come by. I don't consider my partner's wife a friend and it has caused some strain in the relationship overall.

Good the ring line wasn't noticeable. I'm glad you guys are moving right along. *hugs*
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  #49  
Old 01-10-2011, 02:50 PM
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Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
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Default Another one bites the dust....

So I was actually having a really great chat over the weekend with one woman, I had told her about poly and TP and she had said "cool" which probably should have been the first flag up that she'd not considered what that meant fully...because this morning I was text rejected....apparently she doesn't believe in Poly relationships (we are all imaginary like leprechauns, unicorns...both kinds...an honest politician etc.) but also that people can't have more than one fulfilling romantic relationship...I had started to argue the validity of poly but stopped since I realized she couldn't be convinced...I know TP ALWAYS tells me I'm not being rejected, she is but I can't help feel like it's me...I guess I just keep pushing on...

I am still in quandary as to when to drop the P-Bomb but both in my profile online and after have had their drawbacks...where's that magic bullet when I need one?

EDIT: Oh and apparently I must have low self confidence to want a poly relationship.
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Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.

Last edited by Indigomontoya; 01-10-2011 at 03:27 PM.
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  #50  
Old 01-10-2011, 04:46 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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I am so happy to read about your date to the orchestra together.

My husband and my OSO are friends but we have never all 3 been together since we became a V. We talk about going somewhere together to have dinner, about an hour away so we can be discreet. We had the idea the the guys wold ride up front and I'd be in the back, but I could stretch my legs out and into the space between them periodically (of course wearing fishnets, haha!) and reach over to rub their backs, and chat flirtatiously... We have yet to arrange the evening but hopefully it will happen soon, as I think it could help with the "walking on eggshells" feeling. We began our V arrangement on 10-10-10 (isn't that cool? We say it was three "10"s coming together ) so it's still pretty new to all of us and we are still in awe of ourselves for being so mature, creative, and respectful of one another's needs/feelings. Not only awe, but it still feels TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. How can I really be having my cake and eating it too?!

My OSO just got a new apartment and my husband does not want me going there. He feels I will want to "play house," and eventually I will want to leave and go live there instead. No matter how I reassure him, he says it is a very real possibility and he is adamantly opposed. So I agreed I will not violate his wishes. But it is difficult to meet at my house, since my OSO is a former neighbor, and we don't have any discreet way for him to enter the home.

My husband does say that if we BOTH go to his apartment together, that will be ok. So hopefully that will happen soon. Because I would really like to spend more time with my OSO -- but if I can include husband, all the merrier! Then no one has to be left out, sitting home alone and lonely.

Husband has gone online, looking for a potential gf, but is running into similar problems I see other primaries here on the forum encountering. I think he really is just monogamous, and is not especially interested in finding a gf; he's happy as a clam being married to me but this new arrangement is throwing him for a real loop. I don't want him to be lonely

I am so glad to come hear and read others having similar joys and struggles. Thank you all so much for all you share.
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