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  #1  
Old 12-22-2010, 07:02 PM
jns4ever jns4ever is offline
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Default Hi

I am a bi female with a live in bf. We are looking for a bi woman to add to our "family" (3 cats are our children for now). We live in the DC area.

One question: As I look around the forums I am seeing mostly what I would consider "open" relationships. My thinking of a Poly relationship was it was no different than a monogamous couple except there were more people. What type of relationship is more prevelant here, the "open" kind or what we are looking for---I guess you would call it a traid? My question is because if I am looking for advice, those two types of relationships are so very different, will people really understand and be able to help?

I am not judging but for me, the thought of my BF being with another woman, unless I am there with them and fully involved, is upsetting. I would never want to be with anyone, female or male, without him sharing in it.

So is what we are looking for unusual? We think we could have an incredible relationship if we can find the right woman.

I'd really appreciate any feedback. I am a little more confused now than when I found this forum and started reading posts than I was before.

Again, I am not judging, I am just wondering if I am so weird that it will be hard to find people who have been through this or know what I am talking about.
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  #2  
Old 12-22-2010, 07:28 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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LOL - we are a confusing bunch to be sure...

try doing a tag search on the terms 'triad' and 'v' or 'vee'... just to have a look through the differences for a starter.

personally I am not sure I would want to be involved or have both partners involved when being intimate - thats a pretty personal thing and up to each of you within your relationships...

you could also try a tag search on 'unicorn' as that is the most common term for what you seem to be looking for. From what I have read on here it's a pretty rare beast to find
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  #3  
Old 12-22-2010, 07:28 PM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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All you seem to be describing are a relationship where everyone lives together and one where they don't. That isn't a relationship difference, you just don't happen to live in the same place or don't want to. To me, I couldn't care less where my partners were living. It wouldn't change my relationship with them. I wouldn't love them more or less.

So in short, both are polyamorous relationships. Polyamory itself translates as "many loves" and describes nothing about geographical locations.

A good phrase I see over and over - "There are as many ways to practise polyamory as people practising it."

there is nothing weird about your wanting a triad. Many people are in one. I would personally suggest not actively looking for your "ideal" relationship though. Just letting things flow into where they want to be can be a good thing. Though if that is all you wanted and there's no way you would have it any other way then fair enough.

I hope you find what you're looking for and welcome to the forum.
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  #4  
Old 12-22-2010, 07:31 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
LOL - we are a confusing bunch to be sure...

try doing a tag search on the terms 'triad' and 'v' or 'vee'... just to have a look through the differences for a starter.

personally I am not sure I would want to be involved or have both partners involved when being intimate - thats a pretty personal thing and up to each of you within your relationships...

you could also try a tag search on 'unicorn' as that is the most common term for what you seem to be looking for. From what I have read on here it's a pretty rare beast to find
Also tag-search "third partner".
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  #5  
Old 12-23-2010, 12:46 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Welcome to the forum.
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  #6  
Old 12-25-2010, 12:48 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Somegeezer pretty much summed it up in the statement, 'There are as many ways ...'. There are so many variations available so you can customize your relationship to your needs. What I can tell you as a former poly triad to triad vee partner, one of the most difficult components to this relationship is finding one person that you both want to develop more with. It seems to me that you are seeking a female partner who is involved with both you and your boyfriend sexually (but only as a couple) and, moreso, you emotionally? Speaking as a unicorn, adding a single female to the 'family' but only allowing interactions as a 'package deal' may be a bit difficult, but not impossible, to organize for a satisfying, closed poly triad for all parties involved.

I look forward to watching your journey.
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