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  #181  
Old 10-09-2010, 04:28 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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GG had no children of his own.
He's beloved by all of ours.

The story can be found in my posts if you want to research it or you can use the link to my blog that is in my signature.

He's been "Nuncle GG" to my now 19 year old since she was almost 2.
He's been "uncle GG" to my 14 year old stepson since he was 2 (when I married his dad).
He's been "uncle GG" to my 10 year old son since he was born.
he's the bio-father of my 3 year old and she calls him "MY GG" (she calls my husband daddy-but all of the kids and the whole family know the whole story and she will-we tell her now-but she doesn't get it yet).

He's an AWESOME uncle, a beloved "3rd parent" and a wonderful part of our family.

It just depends on the person I suppose.
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  #182  
Old 10-09-2010, 04:29 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Oh boy...

Have you considered? What happens when a monogamous marriage says, "We aren't committed enough so we will have a baby to fix that"? I have never heard of this ending well. If you can't reinforce your relationship bonds without having kids, then your relationship can't be fixed, bubba. Kids put an all new stress on relationships that require strong bonds to begin with.

I've read a lot a lot a lot of relationship self-help books--not a ONE said "have a baby!". Most of the silly things said, spend time together and talk.
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  #183  
Old 10-10-2010, 01:23 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jcatx View Post
So I am married and have a two year old. Live with my husband the boyfriend is a couple hours away..Any poly people here who have kids and how does this work out for you? I suppose when i initally found my husband friend attractive it was also considering the things that are missing from his life and in a way if he wanted, (and I very much wanted) him to know the joy of being with children. He has never been married and has no children. Or do you see this as being a potential problem? Since he is unaware of the demands of children?and has such a different lifestyle.
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...erged+unmerged

I had a thread once that went into some detail of what you are asking. Hope it helps and is interesting.
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  #184  
Old 10-12-2010, 07:01 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Just going to emphasize some good points made earlier:

1. Children are human beings, not pawns. Using them as such is selfish and irresponsible.

2. Babies strain relationships. They never bring a couple closer together unless the couple has full-time nannies, allowing them to parent by proxy.

If you want to strengthen your bond, plan activities together, have intimate conversations, plan the future.

Heck, if you want to go this route, why not have a big 4-some whenever the women are ovulating, kind of like russian-roulette pregnancy? Then the kids can just grow up never knowing who their biological father is, but all the 4 parents can raise all the kids as their own. Oh right, because that's a really stupid idea.
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  #185  
Old 12-21-2010, 12:51 AM
Athena Athena is offline
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From previous posts, obviously not CF! However, respect that other people may want to be focused on career achievement, travel, just plain not have to be financially responsible for anyone but their individual self! In some ways, even though I adore my son, even apart from the bipolar it was a bit like a bomb blast - suddenly my time was sooo not my own, and it was clear on going back to my job that that particular job was going to be impossible if I wanted to do what I felt was an adequate parenting job, and even so I know I will never have the time to just pick up a new topic professionally and read up on all the latest until kiddo is much older and more independent (and even so, given how tough it was to be an only child, I seriously think he would benefit from one or two sibs, although age, meds and fertility issues may make us parents of a singleton in the end...)
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  #186  
Old 12-21-2010, 12:18 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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i was an only child and i didn't think it was "tough" at all. Something to think about. Just because you thought it was "tough" doesn't mean it will be that way for your son.
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  #187  
Old 12-21-2010, 06:19 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
i was an only child and i didn't think it was "tough" at all. Something to think about. Just because you thought it was "tough" doesn't mean it will be that way for your son.
Ditto, I was an only child and am a well adjusted adult. There is really a myth built around only children that I find annoying and judgemental, but thats a whole other rant.
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  #188  
Old 12-21-2010, 10:16 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I have lots of only child friends who had a happy childhood, and I had siblings and really wish I hadn't. I think if you have children, you shouldn't do it to keep your first child company. What happens if they hate each other? Being blood related doesn't make you more likely to get along than any other people forced to live together for years: sometimes you're the best friends ever, sometimes you can't stand each other.
So I think that should be left out of the equation as it depends too much on the children's personalities, and that's impossible to guess.
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  #189  
Old 12-21-2010, 10:46 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Athena View Post
and even so, given how tough it was to be an only child, I seriously think he would benefit from one or two sibs, although age, meds and fertility issues may make us parents of a singleton in the end...
Once kids start school or you watch them with a group of other kids, it isn't hard to tell which ones don't have any siblings (even if they have been in daycare). I think once they are adults, things tend to even out. It really doesn't matter as long as the parents are invested (may mean regular play dates and living in a neighborhood with other young children).
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  #190  
Old 12-22-2010, 06:47 PM
Raven Raven is offline
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Default Why Have Children

I've read through the Child-Free thread, and decided to start one for those of us who want to have kids. I don't have any kids at the moment, but I plan on one or two at some point in the future (fingers crossed, after graduate school).

Why I want to have children: I think one of the primary reasons goes back to how I think about changing the world. I firmly believe that the primary way to make the world a better place is by one's own day to day actions, making good choices and treating others well. To me, having and raising a child is one way to make a significant contribution to the world by influencing someone else to keep making it a better place after I'm gone. It also gives me a chance to make that child's world a better place. Sure, I know I'll make mistakes - from what I've seen, it's impossible to have a child and not make mistakes. And there are definitely other, very significant, ways to make the world a better place while never having a child. This is simply one that feels very personal and productive to me.

I also think I will really value the experience of bonding to my child and watching him or her grow into his or her own person - someone related to and yet in other ways completely different from me. I have a lot of younger siblings, and I've really enjoyed that experience from a sibling perspective as well.

Finally, I do think there's some biological urge / social programming in there. Doesn't mean it's wrong, or bad, just that it exists.

What are your reasons for wanting / having children? If you already have kid(s), what do you feel has been most significant to you about that choice and that journey?
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