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Old 12-21-2010, 05:45 AM
Calisolara Calisolara is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Northern California
Posts: 10
Default Always a Struggle?

I am on the fifth month of my second poly relationship. It has been such an up and down thing, I think I am just burning out.

My dear wonderful husband was having issues and insisting he didn't want me to give up my second relationship because of his issues. He has since settled down mostly and is now deployed again. I miss him so dearly. I feel like a piece of me is missing because I can't talk to my lover and confidant.

My boyfriend, not boyfriend.. I don't know what to call him, he is giving me the hot and cold. It seems like mostly cold lately. I complicated things by moving close by him, so we are not a long distance relationship anymore. He said he was always really excited to see me when I visited, but lately its a source of frustration to have me nearby all the time. He is trying to juggle time with me and his friends. He has stopped initiating me to do things with him, I am always asking him. His roommate/best friend started questioning our relationship. He had told his best friend that we were just a sexual relationship, no emotional attachment when we started because he knew his friend wouldn't understand. His roommate has picked up that there is more to it I think. It has become very clear his roommate doesn't approve and actually left the house yesterday so he didn't have to hang out with us. He wasn't supposed to be there anyway, but I was hurt by his behavior. My boyfriend said this is why he is having such difficultly being with me. He wants to be with someone he can introduce to his friends as his girlfriend. He can't do that with me because he doesn't want people to unfairly judge me. He says he wants his friends to like me, and they won't if they know everything. I feel like, I am never with you and your friends... how are they ever going to know me? I feel him distancing himself once again and then when we get together he still feels distant for awhile and then starts being himself. I don't know whether to be patient or just say goodbye. I always have such a tough time letting go of relationships.

I also saw a message from his roommate saying aren't you breaking things off with her? His response said no its her birthday I can't do that (It was the next day.) That was two weeks ago, and he still hasn't talked to me. I have spent lots of time with him since then and I feel like something is still wrong, but he isn't talking to me about it.

This is also made more difficult by the fact that I know he is carrying on an emotional relationship with someone in another state that he isn't telling me about. He was supposed to talk to me when he was interested in someone and he hasn't done that. He texts less often, and I notice that she is getting all the attention I got when I lived out of state. I think he is worried about hurting me and its hurting me with him not telling me. I can't tell him I noticed because that involved me seeing a message that popped on his phone. I don't know how to talk to him because it seems like if I bring up serious conversations they go poorly. If he brings something up he talks openly and everything seems better.

I really want to be with a guy who has this all figured out. I don't know what to do with this one. They always put their feet in thinking they can handle all of this only find out they feel strong things for me and not happy sharing. Then they pull away, and I get hurt.

I'll probably add more to this as I go.. I am venting in a very not organized way.

Anyone mind adding me to their facebook? I created an account for poly and a place where I can just chat.
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