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  #371  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

I'll keep in mind not to ask you for any internet hairpulling!
Just internet hugs!
No worries, no internet hair pulling for ya

Hugs won't be a problem
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  #372  
Old 12-19-2010, 07:44 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I also see hair-pulling as a sex thing. But it's not a pain thing for me, it's a restraining/power thing for me.
But I can see the very thin line that would change that.
Fortunately Maca knows I don't care for pain-so he doesn't take it over that line.

I'll keep in mind not to ask you for any internet hairpulling!
Just internet hugs!
Hair pulling is a restraint thing for me as well. And even though I'm a masochist, I draw the line at having my hair pulled for more than just restraint; scalp pain just isn't pleasure for me. *shrugs* My boys know I'm weird and they love me anyway and have been amazingly patient with me while I figure out what I want/ need and what triggers panic attacks; all three of my sweeties know I was abused, but even I don't always understand what triggers a panic attack and my response isn't to cower, but to get aggressive.
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  #373  
Old 12-19-2010, 09:29 PM
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I had a really interesting talk with a couple last night who have a very serious Master/slave relationship. She has been collared and has worked very hard for that priveldge. We talked about the "style" of BDSM and how it is not taken as seriously as she and her master regard it. We talked of the vulnerability it entails and how many people get involved on a casual level and don't grasp the intense letting go into sub space that she has experienced. We also talked about having patience as it is new to many and they need to figure out if it is for them or not.

They are also big in the lifestyle. They hadn't considered that in swinging there is also a level of vulnerability and that should also be respected. I know its not entirely common to think of this for swingers, but I wonder if I have planted a seed of thought in their heads about the whole thing. If one should be patient with kinksters learning and trying it out, shouldn't one be patient with swingers trying it out? Shouldn't there be a bit more caution and respect in the swingers community as there is in the kink community promotes?
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  #374  
Old 12-19-2010, 11:36 PM
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If one should be patient with kinksters learning and trying it out, shouldn't one be patient with swingers trying it out? Shouldn't there be a bit more caution and respect in the swingers community as there is in the kink community promotes?
That makes sense to me. If I knew there was as much respect for safety and boundaries in swinging as I am learning there is in BDSM, I might try swinging. As it appears to me now, in the sense I get from people I know, there is no appeal in swinging for me.
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  #375  
Old 12-19-2010, 11:40 PM
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That makes sense to me. If I knew there was as much respect for safety and boundaries in swinging as I am learning there is in BDSM, I might try swinging. As it appears to me now, in the sense I get from people I know, there is no appeal in swinging for me.
I can't say in every lifestyle community that there is a lack of respect and boundaries. I think the idea is more that the individual value the two... the thing is, and as far as I know from my experience, there isn't the same kind of attention and care as there is in the BDSM community... I am making a HUGE generalization, I know that... if anyone wants to call me out on this I am welcome to it. I need a bit of clarity on it all myself.
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  #376  
Old 12-20-2010, 12:28 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
That makes sense to me. If I knew there was as much respect for safety and boundaries in swinging as I am learning there is in BDSM, I might try swinging. As it appears to me now, in the sense I get from people I know, there is no appeal in swinging for me.
The biggest boundary exists in swinging possible. Its called saying no. Can't get much stronger than that. There is no requirement for anything at the swinger club I have been too.

I also wouldn't judge swinging by the explanations that exist on poly sites, a lot of poly peoples views are skewed because of the strong distaste of casual sex.

I am not a swinger, I have been to a swingers club. It was relaxed and pretty cool. Just happened to be sex happening in some degree of privacy. For the record, not trying to push you torwards it, I am not even a swinger, but anything you learn about swinging especially from a poly board will generally be heavily biased. I frequent a swinger site (lurk only) where everyone is pretty cool and relaxed. There are an abundance of rules and boundaries, as much, if not more than bdsm. they have a lot of the same concerns that we as poly people do, they just happen to be capable of sex without love.

On a side note, bdsm related so I don't change the top, just bought an old school shower brush, can't wait to surprise pengrah with it

Last edited by Ariakas; 12-20-2010 at 12:31 AM.
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  #377  
Old 12-20-2010, 12:49 AM
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Thanks for clarifying Ari. I don't know anything about clubs. The couple I talked to only go to house parties really. They have only been to special events at clubs such as a squirting demo. I have only been to house parties.

I have some thing in my head that swinging has more silent boundaries if there are any and more couple centric....

you know what... this isn't the place to talk about it... so I apologize for the interruption. Carry on....
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-20-2010 at 12:56 AM.
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  #378  
Old 12-20-2010, 12:57 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thanks for clarifying Ari. I don't know anything about clubs. The couple I talked to only go to house parties really. They have only been to special events at clubs such as a squirting demo. I have only been to house parties.
Ironically, I think the house party setup would feel...odd. Unless I was already sexually active with most of them. It would feel very pressurized due to the odd intimacy of it being a sexual house party. But I have never been to one and am not entirely sure, thats just my feel from the base description.

I wouldn't rule out trying it though, with the right people. In the end no still means no. I had to use it at the club I went to before and I am good at using it ...

ironically the club I went to doubles as a bdsm club on other nights. It looks fantastic for that, I would love to go back for that night specifically, the room(s) were dynamite and really set off the top/sadist in me. I could think of many devious things to do to Pengrah or Sourgirl in those rooms...
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  #379  
Old 12-20-2010, 01:10 AM
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Is it the place in Seattle Ari? Center for sex positive communities I think it is called... or something like that.

Our community has sex parties where everyone knows each other... coming over? maybe you should get to know people here There is a BDSM component I here too
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  #380  
Old 12-20-2010, 03:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
. . . anything you learn about swinging especially from a poly board will generally be heavily biased.
Most of what I've surmised about swinging is not from poly forums. I have a friend and colleague who writes a blog about her escapades, and I've read other blogs by swingers, too.
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