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Old 12-15-2010, 11:30 PM
mirrormelovely's Avatar
mirrormelovely mirrormelovely is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: community farm, Oregon
Posts: 9
Default Could use a little guidance :)

Hi everyone,

I just joined this group today after sifting through others for about a week and was just hoping for some words of wisdom from you all.

I am a 30 year old bisexual woman who is in a wonderful mono relationship with likely the sweetest, most caring man in the universe

So the issue, and why I am here is multisided.
First, I was in a relationship with my daughters' (I have 2) father for 11 years. We married young, lived in a conservative area of the country, moved to the west cost and my life completely changed for the better. I realized my identity, confessed it to my husband, and we tried sorting it out for 2 solid years. We attended counseling, read books, talked to people and in the end, even opened our relationship up to date other people (him, men and me, women). Eventually, it all just fell apart, we divorced and we have rebuilt our relationship as friends and co-partners in raising our girls together, but nothing more. He lives about an hour and a half from me and the girls see him on weekends and holidays. I tell you all of this so you can see the background I come from.

I dated extensively for the first 2 years after we divorced, dabbling in relationships with both woman and men and even one couple. Nothing felt satisfying for me long term until I met my current partner, an amazing man who I feel gets me better than anyone ever has. He's great with my girls and we live on a farm together that's been in his family for years and years...really I am happier than I have ever been in my life right now.

He knows and has been aware all along that I am bisexual. Off an on in our relationship, I have mentioned that even though he and I are together as a mono couple, that I can't imagine living my life without ever being intimately/romantically involved with a woman again. At first, this was kind of swept under the rug, a tid-bit of info he didn't seem comfortable discussing until fairly recently. I brought it up in conversation shortly after we were together for a few months and I celebrated my birthday with a dear girlfriend of mine who I had worked with before I met my partner. We ended up having a ton to drink that night (which is pretty unlike me...) and had sex at the house that my partner and I lived in at the time while he was not staying there that evening. I honestly didn't even try to stop myself that evening as she and I had been intimate before and it felt really natural for me to be with her. However, in the days after it happened, I started wondering if what I did was ok with him considering that he and I had never really discussed me sleeping with other women while we were together. So after wrestling with it for a month, I told him everything and this is what opened up the conversation further between us. He said that he already had wondered if anything had happened between she and I as he knew of our prior history and didn't want to pry since neither one of us seemed comfortable talking about it. All in all, I think he was only a little hurt because I didn't come to him sooner about it all and that it had been bothering me.

Since then (about a year now) things have been pretty quiet when it comes to the subject of me and a relationship with a woman as we have had TONS of stuff going on. We moved to a more central spot and have been working our limbs off to fix up the farm, settle into our jobs and drive the kids back and forth to see their dad on the weekends. Honestly...just a very busy year. Well, in spite of all of this, my feelings remain unchanged and I am still desirous of exploring a relationship with a woman.

There are however, so many things I find difficult.
1. First of all, how do I help my partner, who I love so much, feel comfortable and less threatened by my desire for this? I don't see myself ever being any different, nor do I feel like I should be different. I am me...
2. Can mono/poly (I guess I am somewhat poly?) relationships work if both parties are willing to communicate openly at all times and support each other? (my feeling is yes, which is why I am on here in the first place!!) But HOW?
3. This is the cart ahead of the horse (or however the saying goes, lol...) but how in the sweet world do I meet a woman who would be cool with all of this in the first place!!!!!!!!???????
4. Any success stories out there from people who have done this well?
5. I am not interested in only sex...I am such a "family" person and that would be what I would want this to feel like. I would want that woman who comes in to be not only my lover, but a dear friend to him as well. Is this even reasonable, people, or am I off my rocker, here?

I suppose that covers just about everything for now! I am hopeful and positive that this will all pan out well. All of your advice or comments will be much appreciated and welcomed.

Thanks everyone!
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