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  #11  
Old 12-15-2010, 12:05 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2835

I am assuming you have been through this thread to find ideas. Its been a long running collection of "how to find" people
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  #12  
Old 12-15-2010, 12:36 AM
PolyInNJ PolyInNJ is offline
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I've got an active profile on okcupid - I've just been selective in who I answer when I get messaged. I also only approach folks who have in their profiles that they are poly, or have answered the question if they are looking for an open marriage/relationship the same way I have. most of the folks who match in the high 90's range with me seem to be on the same page with me relationship-wise.

That being said: I've met one guy in person, who I think could turn into a neat friendship, but not likely anything more. And that's fine with me. I've also chatted with two other folks who I hope to facilitate a real life meeting with soon. I'm not even necessarily looking for any additional lovers at this point - just other poly friends who I can talk to and are understanding of my non-traditional mindset.

BTW - I am female and straight. Just for data collecting purposes.
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  #13  
Old 12-15-2010, 12:36 AM
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mushaboom mushaboom is offline
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Default It's the same for us girls!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malach View Post
I met someone on OKC, after being on there for months. Comparing our experiences on the site, she would get messages all the time, I had trouble getting anyone to reply to mine. Fairly typical male/female experience difference that's been talked about here, before. I finally deleted my OKC account in frustration, recently.
I was OKC for months trying to meet friends after moving to a new area and even as a woman I had the same problem with women not responding to my messages very often and never was I ever approached by a woman. Darn gender conditioning!
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  #14  
Old 12-15-2010, 02:30 AM
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Yep, I have seen that thread. But thanks for mentioning it again.

The MNpoly group I don't know about. I hate things you have to pay first to see whats inside. Maybe there is 400 active members. Maybe 4 horny guys. I have no idea. Typically I feel if you have to pay, most people won't bother. Same with dating sites.

I guess I will just keep dreamin and pluggin along. I just thought maybe there was somewhere else I could look.
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  #15  
Old 12-15-2010, 05:19 AM
sunflowershower sunflowershower is offline
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I feel your pain with OKC. It's rather difficult finding anyone on there. However, I have found a way that makes it a little easier. Basically, when I look at someone's profile, I go to the questions they've answered. There's one that says "Would you ever consider becoming involved in a long term three person relationship?" And if they say "yes" and I like their profile, I might message them. I know it sounds a little far to go maybe with looking, but myself, I don't like rejection or judgement, so the easier I can feel about sending a message, the better. And it helps filter out all those people who seem to think we are some kind of freaks or something. Anyway, I hope this helps a little!!
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  #16  
Old 12-15-2010, 12:14 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflowershower View Post
I feel your pain with OKC. It's rather difficult finding anyone on there. However, I have found a way that makes it a little easier. Basically, when I look at someone's profile, I go to the questions they've answered. There's one that says "Would you ever consider becoming involved in a long term three person relationship?" And if they say "yes" and I like their profile, I might message them. I know it sounds a little far to go maybe with looking, but myself, I don't like rejection or judgement, so the easier I can feel about sending a message, the better. And it helps filter out all those people who seem to think we are some kind of freaks or something. Anyway, I hope this helps a little!!
I used to do that also. And if I REALLY thought they were good looking or a good match, and they said "NO" to that question, I would message them anyway.
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  #17  
Old 12-15-2010, 02:00 PM
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Andy4700 Andy4700 is offline
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Well I read some reviews on lavalife. Sounds like a dud - have to pay to message people unless you're a woman, filled with fake profiles, mostly popular in Canada ect.

I have checked a lot of OKC question answers. There are several that hint at the idea of open relationships. Most women respond in a negative fashion towards them. Many don't answer enough questions to even get to those.
I find a lot of my higher match percentages just haven't answered many questions. "Hey I match her 98%... wait... she only answered 32 questions..."

I kinda of think my best chances on OKC are in someone that doesn't know they would be open to a 3 person relationship because it has never come up in their lives. I look at how many people are willing to have an affair with a married person.... If I meet someone as a friend and there is attraction, possibly they will be willing to go further if they know it all okay. Possibly....

I know poly comes in many flavors, but what I want is pretty "softcore" meaning I am not looking for a live-in or a triad or anything. I just want a somewhat casual, easy relationship with heavy emphasis on the friends connection, not on the sex.

It could last 6 months or 6 years. I have set expectations I won't bend on, but I am somewhat open to sort of "be what someone else needs" too.

Maybe she is only in town for the school year and wants someone stable without getting into a deep, serious relationship. Maybe shes a single mother who wants to focus on raising her kids and not trying to manage a relationship, yet would still enjoy someone close in her life. Maybe shes just out of a long relationship and wants someone close while still having the freedom to date Mr. Right if he comes around. I am pretty open to how I could fit into somones life that isn't aware/into the poly lifestyle. I am of course very open to a woman with a primary also.

Ugg, I better head to work.... thanks for letting me vent/ramble... I am a little frustrated.
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  #18  
Old 12-15-2010, 04:37 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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How close are you looking for results. You might have expand your search area and start looking LD
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  #19  
Old 12-15-2010, 04:43 PM
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I am open to a LDR. I have searched for polies on OKC on a 500 mile radius or so. I hate to look so far out we could never meet though. I highly doubt I am going to be the reason a west coast dweller wants to move to this arctic wasteland...... :/
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  #20  
Old 12-15-2010, 07:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malach View Post
There's also PolyMatchMaker, for a poly-specific dating site, but the pool of active members seems small. http://www.polymatchmaker.com
Thanks so much for that! A friend told me that PolyMatchMaker was gone and so I didn't bother to look for it. I'm so glad to hear that it's still running.

Chey
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