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  #11  
Old 12-14-2010, 07:29 PM
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Oh that sucks... I am hoping that the more you go to these things the more you will be known as the one who isn't in to casual fucking and then the crowd could part and you will see the shining light of people who fit you better... its a hope. Maybe there is other poly things going on you could go to..? We have several meet ups happening in the city and I don't go to all of them. I'm not invited to some of them and I chose not to with others... perhaps you could find another group to try out. Sometimes there is an overlap of people, but different settings bring out different things in people... maybe a knitting poly club would fair you better... just as an example
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  #12  
Old 12-14-2010, 10:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
maybe a knitting poly club would fair you better...
LOL

It's not that I had a totally lousy time or didn't meet some nice, interesting people. But the majority of folks gave it that "meat market" quality. I just wish I knew someone in the group already, who maybe could've pulled me aside and said, "Watch out for that one, he hits on anything that moves," or whom I could ask, "So what's the story with this guy over here?" The only people I felt totally at ease with were the other newbies (imagine a small group of us wide-eyed and incredulous while we stumble around the room, LOL), and they don't know anyone, just like I don't.

Because of the atmosphere, I'm not sure now whether the few that were personable and friendly weren't just being nice to get into my pants as much as the ones that were obvious about it. I think I can confide in or talk about this to the organizer, who also organizes the poly women's group, which is small, women-only, and meant to be a support rather than a place to hook up. That I will probably go to again, but it only meets once a month.

On another front, an acquaintance of mine introduced me to a friend of his, B., last week, saying "I think you two would hit it off." And B. is interested in me but cautioned our mutual friend that he doesn't want a "serious" relationship, which -- in my heretofore mono world -- I take to mean committed to being exclusive and long-term. I responded, "I'm not ready for exclusivity, anyway." I decided I would intro the poly topic to non-poly people by using the term "exclusivity." And then I said, "I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to enjoy someone's company, have good conversation, and get a little attention." So, B. called me today and we talked for almost an hour! We made plans to get together for a late lunch/early dinner tomorrow. Just because he doesn't want something "serious" doesn't mean it can't be steady, fun, affectionate, and other nice things. From our conversation today, I get the sense that he enjoys his independence and doesn't want to be the one and only for anyone. Cool with me. I can handle a "casual relationship" in that sense. I just don't want to go around banging a bunch of people I meet at parties. So, maybe B. will be open to the poly concept. We'll see what transpires between us!
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  #13  
Old 01-10-2011, 05:55 PM
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Default Okay, umm... hypothetical question... yeah, uhhh...

Okay, I know this will sound like the dumbest question in the world, but I am still trying to figure out what is socially acceptable at a poly gathering. Let's say, hypothetically, that I went to a poly/sex-positive gathering, and had a little make-out session with one... or two... guys there. If that did happen... hypothetically... would those folks then expect to make out with me every time I show up at future poly gatherings? I mean, once you start something with someone, in an environment that is much more casual about these things, how do you back away if you realize that's not what you want? I keep imagining walking into the next event and being accosted. Hypothetically, I mean. And how do you handle it if the people you engage with are quite visible in the poly community?
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  #14  
Old 01-10-2011, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Okay, I know this will sound like the dumbest question in the world, but I am still trying to figure out what is socially acceptable at a poly gathering. Let's say, hypothetically, that I went to a poly/sex-positive gathering, and had a little make-out session with one... or two... guys there. If that did happen... hypothetically... would those folks then expect to make out with me every time I show up at future poly gatherings? I mean, once you start something with someone, in an environment that is much more casual about these things, how do you back away if you realize that's not what you want? I keep imagining walking into the next event and being accosted. Hypothetically, I mean. And how do you handle it if the people you engage with are quite visible in the poly community?
Interesting question. Theoretically no, they shouldn't expect to make out with you again... but I have noticed at events where there are about an even number of casual sex poly people there and those of us that don't have casual sex that the ones having the sex are far more reserved and protective of their space than the ones who aren't... I am a big flirt and have no problem being cheeky and sexy (I'm good at burlesque for this reason), yet I don't have casual sex and EVERYONE knows it I feel far more free to be myself because anyone I flirt with knows where I stand... I notice that those who are "available" are a little more unwilling to flirt and be openly sexual and I wonder if this is because they are available and any flirting might mean that something more could come out or it. I don't know. Just an interesting observation and my thoughts about it. I also know that when I did some swinging and did involve myself in casual sex that I too was far more closed and held back sexually, in case someone read into it. I'm not really answering your question am I? Hope that it adds in some way though.
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  #15  
Old 01-14-2011, 08:15 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
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If you realize it's not what you want, then you should just tell them. They need to respect your boundaries. Me and you didn't make out at Poly Cocktails (at least i think that's where you were based on your posts), but maybe we will next time (just a hypothetical , not trying to be creepy) and i would never assume that just b'c we made out once, i had free reign the next time i saw you.

p.s. it's after 3 a.m. so if any of this came out weird i apologize.
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  #16  
Old 01-14-2011, 08:48 AM
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Jonny, thanks, it didn't seem weird. Okay, but would I wait until I see the person at the event to say something, or let them know beforehand?

I think it could be real awkward if they come up to me all ready to kiss me, and I back away and say, "Nah, don't!" and yet it might seem conceited if I contact them in advance, as if I'm assuming that they're thinking of me and planning it. KWIM?


Haha, I do plan on going to the next Poly Cocktails.
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  #17  
Old 01-14-2011, 09:22 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
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from what you said i assume you got contact info from the person you're not interested in making out with?

if this is the case i don't see a problem with contacting them btwn now, and the next PC, just to say hi, and working up to the whole "hey let's not make out next time" thing. hey maybe by talking with them you will want to make out also, there shouldn't be a problem with you honestly communicating with them, considering honesty, and communication are some of the core principals of polyamory. if there's a reason why you don't want to make out tell him. if there was no spark tell him, if things went too fast for you, tell him. etc.

p.s. unfortunately i won't be at the next PC, but maybe we can meet at the one in March?

Last edited by JonnyAce; 01-14-2011 at 09:25 AM.
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