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Old 12-13-2010, 04:58 PM
StrangerinKS StrangerinKS is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 27
Default The First Broken Heart

Well, that was fast.

Three months ago, I fell in love with a beautiful woman. Both my wife and her husband approved of our relationship. The first month was total bliss...a lot of sex-related NRE no doubt, but also just amazing intellectual chemistry. She helped me through some difficult emotional problems, and I helped her through some of hers.

Then it fell apart. I went on a business trip. While I was gone, she had an encounter with another man. That was fine, it wasn't against our rules or anything like that. I did have some jealousy over it, but I got through it in a few days.

But then things went downhill from there. Her other guy lived 10 minutes from her house, while I am 40 miles away. Due to my work schedule, I could only see her once a week or so. She began seeing him two, then three, then four, then five times a week. The thing that hurt the most was that she just presented this as fait accompli, not giving me time to adjust. She continued to say through all of this that I was her primary lover (other than her husband of course) and that the other guy was just someone she was having fun with. However, she was spending so much time with him that the things we used to do, texting and emails and chatting and phone calls, tapered off dramatically.

I coped as best as I could and was doing the best I could to accept the situation. Finally, three weeks ago, during our weekly get-together, I asked her if I was really still her primary lover, or if the other guy was now. She admitted that the other guy was now her main interest both romantically and sexually, but that she still loved me. I told her that it was really hard to go from being the primary lover to the secondary lover without seeming to have any input in the matter and I needed time to think about it.

She then told me that the "main" reason she had chosen him was that it was "easier" to be with him because she knew she was hurting me by being with him since he isn't as sensitive as I am. Essentially, when I demonstrated pain over the situation, it just made her want to be with the other guy more, which of course just made my pain worse. Irony: she said the reason she fell in love with me in the first place is because I am so honest and open emotionally. Apparently it is the same reason she ended up picking the other guy.

It was a no-win situation. I felt like she was giving me an ultimatum: "stop feeling bad about this or I will leave you completely." It felt like blackmail, and I wouldn't stand for that, so I finally took the initative and broke up with her. My wife says I deserve someone much better than this person turned out to be. I know that is true, yet my heart still bleeds with pain, and I can't get this woman out of my head.

We've had a few scattered electronic contacts in the last two weeks and she says she misses me tremendously and still loves me but does not want to cause me further pain. Despite all that happened, i still feel love for her too. But it co-exists with a huge amount of pain. I was hoping that taking the initiative and breaking up with her myself would help me heal from what felt like a betrayal, but it just made it worse.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope? I still love her and want to be friends with her, but the dichotomy between the love and the pain is ripping me apart.

Last edited by StrangerinKS; 12-13-2010 at 05:10 PM.
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