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  #11  
Old 12-05-2010, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by DaylightStirring View Post
There are 6 and a half billion people in the world and you expect me to only love you? No wonder there is so much violence and pain. Well go get a cage and lock me up and when you do I will make sure your life is miserable too!
What's up DS? You sound trapped by something. Hope you are doing ok
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  #12  
Old 12-07-2010, 07:21 AM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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Thanks Mono,

I love your supportive comments that I've read in other posts. You are a priceless asset to this forum. I think my comment was a mix of alcohol and feeling the need to yell out to the world how silly I think the idea of monogamy sounds, nothing personal.

On to a completely random situation that really hit me today. My 9 year old son has decided that I am having an affair. He first mentioned it about a month ago, but now that he hasn't quit the idea it seems like I might need to sit him down and really address the situation directly with him. Of course I am not having any sexual relations with anyone aside from my husband (yet). But recently a mutual friend moved into our spare bedroom, he is twice my age and became friends with my husband first. Oddly enough his wife left him because she was fraught with anger and jealousy and accused him of an affair with me. Now my child is making accusatory comments regarding it too. Unless my son has phoned this man's ex-wife there has been no obvious reference to explicit behavior mentioned in his presence. And in my son's words, its the way we look at each other. I'm completely ambushed by my son's concern, there is no doubt in my mind that this friend has inappropriate thoughts about me, but my 9 year old can see it as clear as day. (I'll call our roommate James) More importantly, James has never touched me inappropriately or made suggestive comments. The two concerns I'm having are, what is my son worried about? And when Julio and I do bring another person into our relationship will my son be the first to notice?

In other news, I have decided my growing pains with school are self-inflicted and I just need to back off and take everything one day at a time. Once I do that, I won't be so traumatized by perceived issues about what I should or shouldn't do. Finals are next week and until then all I can do is prepare.
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Old 12-07-2010, 07:55 AM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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My work Christmas party is coming up soon and Haylee will be there. It's going to present a rare opportunity to spend time with her again, as Julio brought up tonight. Julio and I are arguing about it though, not in the context of seeing Halyee, but he and I already discussed going to a big party the night prior and he initially refused to consider two nights of partying in a row (the work party being a waste of his time.) Now he is upset about it even though he said in the first place that he didn't want to go.

I was too busy with homework to really discuss it with him tonight before bedtime, but I'm not interested in choosing one or the other. Even if we stay up all night and get trashed at the first party, I still have to wake up in the afternoon and go to work immediately prior to the second party(so I'll be at work no matter what.) This is a completely irrational idea in his mind, and he's starting to become upset that I don't understand his point of view and I think the idea that I only RSVP'd for one to my Christmas party is bothering him. We'll see.

And...we drew names for Christmas gift exchange for this work party and I got Haylee's name! I can't believe out of everybody I would get her! It's only a $25 limit and I feel pressured to find something incredible, I'm nervous about the fact that I don't really know her well enough to shine on this one...

Our interaction has been incredibly limited since the last time we hung out in the bar. Just a casual text here and there. Seeing her at the work party will be difficult because of pressure to appear 'normal' in front of peers. It is also on a Sunday night, so extra curricular activities would be difficult to accommodate around our respective families and obligations.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:48 PM
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I think my comment was a mix of alcohol and feeling the need to yell out to the world how silly I think the idea of monogamy sounds, nothing personal.

.
You're welcome and nothing personal at all
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  #15  
Old 12-08-2010, 08:01 PM
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Originally Posted by DaylightStirring View Post
My 9 year old son has decided that I am having an affair . . . in my son's words, its the way we look at each other.
Not knowing the situation, it sounds like your son might possibly be mimicking something an adult said in his presence. Is there anyone who has seen your friend move in, been around the two of you, and who might have made a comment within earshot of your son? Some people don't realize how much kids can absorb. Just a thought.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #16  
Old 12-09-2010, 08:28 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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Wow...big day yesterday. Julio got a job in another state and had to leave first thing this morning. No warning he's just gone It's great news that he has a job, but it was completely unexpected. We had buckled down and were prepared to sit out the rest of the winter with him unemployed (his line of work typically picks back up in the spring). And to top it off he is irreplaceable at home. He gets bored from not working and channels all his energy toward home projects, deep cleaning and everyday chores. To me, having him home is worth so much more then any size check. We've tried different things to make it work out so this doesn't happen, I quit school and traveled with him, and he's tried quitting and finding a local job. We've resigned to the fact that this is just how it has to be for now.

I went to my calculus teacher yesterday to talk to him about my grades. He wouldn't budge, he said no extra credit or curving, end of story. But he did say that I sit just a couple points off my minimum grade of a B. So I may pass the class after all. I really need to put every spare moment of the next 5 days toward studying for my final exam. That's going to be harder now that Julio is gone. Why couldn't he just wait 5 days to leave?

The good news is I have James (our friend) and his son Jimmy living with me now. Jimmy is officially moving in and will be paying rent. Between the two of them I have built in house sitters for holidays and weekends. I like to call my kids Number One and Number Two, so to clarify Number Two is the one making accusations. He's upset that Julio is gone and his comment this morning at breakfast is, 'Why didn't James leave?' (in a demanding tone.)

NyCindie- I think your on to something. We live in a tight knit religious community and lately Number Two has been really developing a close relationship with the neighbor boy his age, they tend to gossip about school stuff when they are together. And although I feel the relationship is positive one for Number Two, it could be generating discriminating behavior. It makes a lot of sense that his parents and others in the community may be gossiping about an affair, and it could have just trickled down to this neighbor boy. I don't always pay attention to what my situation looks like from the outside. Lol, even though we are not part of this religion, Number Two has joined it last year and with pressure from his new friend he has pushed to start going again. I agreed to take him to church on Sunday, I may have to drop some hints with the ladies about my affair! ha ha, people have too much time on there hands.
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  #17  
Old 12-09-2010, 11:40 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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Originally Posted by DaylightStirring
I only RSVP'd for one to my Christmas party
I find it kinda funny how the problem with the Christmas party resolved itself, now that Julio is gone...I guess I'm still going to be the only one going!

Which brings up another point, its going to be hard to move things along with Haylee now. I will still try to mingle with her at the Christmas party. I asked Julio to text her and let her know he's gone, she responded back, "I heard, Ellen told me last night." Julio said he just didn't really know what to say back to that, I agreed that it has been hard initiating communication with her. I'm also seriously talking to Julio about a career change (for me), if that happens (probably in the next two weeks) I may not ever see Haylee...

But...there is another girl I haven't found the time to mention yet. She doesn't really come up too often, Julio met her while he was still working on the last job and it was unclear that we would ever bump into her again. More interestingly, her story fits really well into a dream I had before he came home. I'll call her Dawn. He started a conversation with her today over text and then called me to tell me about it. The conversation was along the lines that she asked if he was going to stop back in and visit her. He clarified that he is no where near the town she lives in, but now that he has a job he can afford a girlfriend and a wife. And she seemed receptive, but made the comment that she ended her last relationship because she never got to see the guy. (why do girls always find ways to complicate things. Why not just say what they mean to say?)
So up until now nothing seemed to be happening with her, this is exciting news. I hope I get to meet her soon. Julio said she is coming to my town in two months and he already offered her a place to stay while she is visiting.
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Old 12-11-2010, 08:01 PM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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So I finally got my first unsolicited text from Haylee last night. This is literally the first time she has reached out and tried to connect with me. I feel that it is an important step because the relationship has felt really one sided between her and I. In the text she said,

"How is the studying coming? Thanks for the shift last night, I needed it"

I had just walked into work when she sent it and never found time to respond. I was late getting there and I just have so much on my mind I'm not sure what to do. Like I said before, I'm not sure we will be able to do much with the relationship now that Julio is gone.

My boss and I are supposed to sit down and go over my schedule tomorrow. I'm really beginning to feel like I need to tell her that I don't want to be scheduled. But I can't put my finger on exactly what I want to do. I work 6 hours a week, so its not like the job takes over my life. The feeling I'm having is that I am ready to move on. To leave that life behind and get a 'real' job. Julio says that won't happen, even if I walk out the door with every intention of quitting; eventually I'll miss it and come running back. So maybe I should work on getting a new job and just drag this one out, til it just dies on its own. But that sounds so sad, I want to just put it down now and walk away happy.
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  #19  
Old 12-11-2010, 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted by DaylightStirring View Post
My boss and I are supposed to sit down and go over my schedule tomorrow. I'm really beginning to feel like I need to tell her that I don't want to be scheduled. But I can't put my finger on exactly what I want to do. I work 6 hours a week, so its not like the job takes over my life. The feeling I'm having is that I am ready to move on. To leave that life behind and get a 'real' job. Julio says that won't happen, even if I walk out the door with every intention of quitting; eventually I'll miss it and come running back. So maybe I should work on getting a new job and just drag this one out, til it just dies on its own. But that sounds so sad, I want to just put it down now and walk away happy.
ummmm 6 hours a week is not even considered part time. You could easily manage another "job" and work this job to. If you will miss that job, that implies you like it or something about it, why leave?
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  #20  
Old 12-13-2010, 02:28 AM
DaylightStirring DaylightStirring is offline
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If you will miss that job, that implies you like it or something about it, why leave?
I know, I know...right? Why leave? I am an exotic dancer. I fell into it accidentally 5 years ago. I promised myself two things, I would only do it as long as I was happy and as long as I was going to school. Well school was only supposed to take four years to complete....but that hasn't happened. Julio and I both agreed that I would quit last year, but he couldn't find work and his unemployment ran out. It was all on me to support us, I had to dance all year. Now the opportunity has presented itself for me to leave once and for all. There comes a time in a stripper's life where getting up to dance is no longer just an action that one performs; it becomes a life style that defines you. I have reached the point where my stripper alias and my personal life are so completely intermingled that I no longer know where she ends and I begin. Drugs, drama, self-centered, egotistic and diva are some thoughts that come to mind. I want to leave and I'm ready to leave, but so much centers around my life in the bar. I've become addicted to the attention. Right now, I'm ignoring my bosses phone calls. She wants to schedule me for the next month and I've got to call her, and when I do I've got to have an answer in my mind. I hope I can come up with something soon. The time is now because my license expires before the scheduled month is up. Its an annual license that cost right around $300. Only time will really tell how this turns out.

I had a great weekend! Julio was able to get Sunday off, and he came home unexpectedly last night and surprised me! This job is really close by, unlike the last one, and it only takes two hours for him to get here. It's too far for him to come home every night and he is supposed to work 7 days a week, but some how he got today off. Just three days apart felt like forever! When he got here we went and picked Ellen up and they all came to work with me last night and we had a great time talking and drinking. Then when I got home from church today we cuddled together on the couch and caught up on Dexter for the rest of the day. He left at 6pm to head back to his evil job. The holidays start next week so it won't be long before I get to see him again.

On a funny note, James is out on a date with my ex-step-mom, I call her Grandma Jewels! Its weird to think of my friend/roommate and my step-mom doing it...Grandma Jewels was married to my Daddy for most of my childhood. She has been a close companion in my life, sometimes closer then my parents. Well a lot of times, she has been way closer and more supportive when they were no where to be found. I called her when my whole life fell apart. I lost my apartment, my car got impounded and my boyfriend left me for another chic and I had multiple warrants for delinquent tickets in excess of two grand. She bought me a car ($500)and drove me to court for each and every ticket. She was there when my children were born, holding my hand. And she walked me down the isle when Julio and I got married, because nobody else would. And whats more funny about them going out is my Dad's name is James (ok, not really, I made the name James up, but they have the same first name in real life!) It's not too odd that they are going out, they are both the same age and practically grew up in the same town. I only call her Grandma Jewels because that's what my kids call her. She thinks its hilarious to tell people she is a grandma (she was 14 when I was born, and I was 16 when Number One was born, and he's 10 now so you do the math) And last weekend James took his cousin out on a date and then did her, but that's for another time and place to tell!
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