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Old 12-11-2010, 07:36 PM
Imagination Imagination is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 51
Default My partner became very intimate with another friend in a way that it hurts myfeelings

(This is a cotninuation of "How to turn a monogamous relationsship into an poly relationship or a friendship?". I started a new thread to focus more on the present situation)

Me my partner Claudia (we're together for a year and a half now, she is in her mid twenties, I'm in my late thirties) and our friend Jan had a few threesomes yet without involving sex and I felt - everyone - felt very good about it.
I'm quite upset now, because Claudia, Jan and me met another time and this time Jan and Claudia had sex the first time. This I even encouraged them to do. What bother me is, that I felt left out and
I didn't really feel turned on anyway. And lately (the past one/ two weeks) Claudia was not so interesteted in me sexually and now she left for a few days to her flat and still, we didn't sleep with each other.
(Claudia and my sex life used to be many times really fullfilling, sometimes not so great, very much depending on how the two of us felt like)
Claudia and Jan rather say, that their relationship is a friendship with a sexual part as well.

What happened during the past weeks:

May be I didn't care very much about myself. Claudia was recently not very happy at all about the me mentioning that I would like to get involved with other women (despite our threesomes). Well, first she said may be but I really don't know how I would feel, when there was another women with the two of us. I guess then I insisted too much and I wanted to have the right to get involved with any women I liked (which was stupid) and then she blocked off. The last I said was, that I would at least inform her, before I did anything. She keeps saying that it was Jan and my idea to get intimate with her (which is true) and that she is not sure about it at all, yet she certainly enjoys it.
Another problem for me is, that it is not so easy to find another women who feels attrackted to me.
Only once in a club (I was there on my own) about two weeks ago, I got talk to a women I feld attracted to. She asked me after we had talked about ten minutes if I would come with her. Then I told her I had something else to do (bacause of Claudia) and that I would like to see her sometimes again, but we didn't exchange numbers.

What happened the night before our threesome + what happened to Jan in the past days:

Yesterday (before we had our 3 person rendevouz) I went toa party with Claudia, and it was really good, especially for Claudia, who didn't go out for a very long time due to her paranoia. This time it worked and she really enjoyed it. There was Jan also and his ex girl friend Stephanie. He lost her a few days ago, because they had a threesome (he, her and one of his best friends - Patrick). Then comparable to my situation above, she had a lot of fun with Patrick only. But she left him, because she said, she liked Patrick more. This was very hard for Jan, even though Patrick and Stephany don't go out with each other. (they all were at the party). So for sure his liason with Claudia made Jan feel much better and Claudia, too. It was great to see her having fun at the party and having caring people around her and - more or less - seeing hear enjoy having sex with a friend.

What happend after our last threesome:

After Jan left I noticed that there had happened a shift between Claudia and me. A lot of tensions seems to have vanished and now it was more the other way around than usually. I felt said and kind of angry. She caressed me and tried to support me. Only to have sex she didn't really want to.
Now I feel like I don't want to be intimate at all and I would like to come to terms with myself and with what happened. Yet I'm happy that Claudia became more relaxed and more confident about herself and that she talked of going out again or go for a weekend trip.

What now?

It would be nice if someone who had simmilar experiences may be could dissolve a little bit all this emotional chaos for me? I guess I should be patient now. I feel better now already, reflecting everything while writing it down is a good thing as well. I mean if there would be the chance to start something like a love affair with may be a friend I might do it right away. But no one knows if this will happen.
And I forgot to tell, I suggested to Jan and Claudia, that they meet each other without me, when the want to have this kind of engagement.

I feel kind of sad and empty now but I feel that I will learn from all of this.

Last edited by Imagination; 12-11-2010 at 10:31 PM.
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