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  #121  
Old 06-02-2010, 02:22 PM
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Wellllll,, you have to see it. and when you do, I'd love to chat about it... I started a thread in chit chat,,, in the fireplace forum on it, but no bites.
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  #122  
Old 12-07-2010, 11:01 PM
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Default I love this thread!

I thought I would add more to is as it's so juicy and ripe, it needed more juice.

On the FB group I belong to we have been talking about the foundations of poly and this is what has come up so far. Admittedly, most of it from me...

I am adding the building blocks now that the foundation is underway... I will add that in another post.

here it is.

Edit Delete
Poly Foundations - Thoughts?

Integrity
  • * Self-knowledge
  • * Acting consistently so that others might trust your intention and way of being.
  • * Confirming to others that your values, morals and ethics are not going to change, but that you are flexible within them.

Respect
  • * Self respect
  • * Respect for others
  • * Not making assumptions about who others are but finding out and cherishing that

Communication
  • * Honesty
  • * True desire to share
  • * Checking in with others
  • * Asking for what one needs and giving to others what they need
  • * Checking in on what a persons personal description and definition is for themselves on poly and poly related topics and issues.
  • * Active listening

Empathy
  • * Intuition
  • * Being compassionate with other peoples feelings
  • * Meeting people where they are at with no expectations
  • * Trust your gut not rationalizations
  • * Separating ego from a relationship with another long enough to allow ourselves to really feel what it might be like to be in their shoes.
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  #123  
Old 12-07-2010, 11:48 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I like that RP.
Very good.
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  #124  
Old 12-08-2010, 12:33 AM
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Default an unfinished list in progress.

Poly Building Blocks
  • * humility
  • * practicing good poly ethics in terms of these points
  • * keeping emotions/opinions in check
  • * apologizing and explaining oneself
  • * being authentic in terms of courageous, vulnerable, and grateful
  • *being aware that you and/or others are immersed in NRE, having patience with that
  • *compersion
  • *negotiating boundaries so there are no compromises or rules made for or by others involved...
  • * faith and trust that what is meant to happen will happen, and it will happen no matter how much you try to control things
  • * realism and grounding.
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  #125  
Old 12-08-2010, 03:31 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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For people who are curious about how poly works or want to try poly, I find it useful to give just a few general advices to avoid overwhelming them (then later you can direct them to more detailed articles if needed). So I was thinking, if I had to sum everything up in three points, how would I do it?
Here is what I came up with:

1) The basic rules of monogamous relationships apply (communication, respect, no going being each other's back, etc)

2) Treat each partner as their own person, each relationship as its own relationship. Be wary of treating them "the same" out of fairness, they are different people and most likely want and need to be treated in a unique way.

3) Communicate even more than for a monogamous relationship, sometimes one on one, sometimes with everyone involved depending on the situation. Make sure you have the same goals and know everyone's boundaries. In monogamous relationships many things are just assumed, which is bad for monogamous relationships too but has the potential to really backfire in poly ones. So make sure to know where everyone stands.

If YOU had to sum up everything in three bullet points, what would they be?
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  #126  
Old 12-08-2010, 04:35 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Well put tonberry. Poignant with something in my life right now, all 3 points are completely valid in virtuall every relationship.

What would I do? Copy and paste what you just wrote hahaha

Cheers
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  #127  
Old 12-08-2010, 03:51 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Good stuff from Tonberry & RP

I'd also add to any list the need for understanding the difference AND roles between sex & love.
They are NOT the same, have varying degrees of importance for different people, and are often a source of confusion and drama.
Understand that they CAN go together but are not required to for each to be beneficial to the other.

GS
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  #128  
Old 12-09-2010, 07:51 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
2) Treat each partner as their own person, each relationship as its own relationship. Be wary of treating them "the same" out of fairness, they are different people and most likely want and need to be treated in a unique way.

3)......Make sure you have the same goals and know everyone's boundaries. In monogamous relationships many things are just assumed, which is bad for monogamous relationships too but has the potential to really backfire in poly ones. So make sure to know where everyone stands.

If YOU had to sum up everything in three bullet points, what would they be?
really good points to add!

did I not already sum up .... with many bullet points?
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  #129  
Old 12-09-2010, 10:13 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I thought I would add more to is as it's so juicy and ripe, it needed more juice.

On the FB group I belong to we have been talking about the foundations of poly and this is what has come up so far. Admittedly, most of it from me...

I am adding the building blocks now that the foundation is underway... I will add that in another post.

here it is.

Edit Delete
Poly Foundations - Thoughts?

Integrity
  • * Self-knowledge
  • * Acting consistently so that others might trust your intention and way of being.
  • * Confirming to others that your values, morals and ethics are not going to change, but that you are flexible within them.

Respect
  • * Self respect
  • * Respect for others
  • * Not making assumptions about who others are but finding out and cherishing that

Communication
  • * Honesty
  • * True desire to share
  • * Checking in with others
  • * Asking for what one needs and giving to others what they need
  • * Checking in on what a persons personal description and definition is for themselves on poly and poly related topics and issues.
  • * Active listening

Empathy
  • * Intuition
  • * Being compassionate with other peoples feelings
  • * Meeting people where they are at with no expectations
  • * Trust your gut not rationalizations
  • * Separating ego from a relationship with another long enough to allow ourselves to really feel what it might be like to be in their shoes.
I like this too RP..what is the name of the FB group? Me and my bf would both be interested in taking a look
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  #130  
Old 12-10-2010, 05:43 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FitChick View Post
I like this too RP..what is the name of the FB group? Me and my bf would both be interested in taking a look
It's a secret group for all the people I have met here and that are in my community here. At least that is where it started. Anyone can invite like minded people.

There is no way of adding people I am not friends with unfortunately, but I would gladly be your friends though

The group talks about poly everything... anything that we want to talk about. It has a chat option that is optional and can be useful for having more automatic chats. It is more personal than here really as we know each others names and some access to each others lives that go beyond here.
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