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  #11  
Old 12-05-2010, 06:15 AM
Ready2Fly Ready2Fly is offline
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I'm not solo--- I'm in a serious relationship with one other person, and I've been in a variety of poly relationships in various capacities in the past.

A tribe is an ideal for both me and my partner. We want friends and lovers around us to and for support. I personally don't distinguish terribly much between friends and lovers. I'd like to have a big house with a lot of people in it to love.
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  #12  
Old 12-06-2010, 06:30 PM
renorunner renorunner is offline
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Default The sex is awesome

Hi,

I just started a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. She really prefers sex with women and so does he so......the idea of a strong friendship rather than just bed-hopping really appealed to me but I was pleasantly surprised at how great the sex is as well. But it's not everything; we are very well-rounded, fit and educated people with many interests so there is always something to do / talk about. And so far jealousy has not been a problem; they are very strongly committed and loving. I feel lucky to be part of this.
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  #13  
Old 12-10-2010, 01:19 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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I consider myself a solo poly person. Also left a long term marriage...and really feel like focusing the next few years on building my life and my interests. I also don't want to co-habit with anyone, and I really like and value my alone time and space...I've a child at home too - so obviously want loads of my time and energy to be spent with him. This does not mean I can't share though..
I don't really have any fixed ideas about what potential relationships would look like...other than the usual - honest, open, caring, respectful, fun etc. My aim would be to build relationships on those foundations....rather than a picture of what they may look like. I like the idea of relationships being purely about the people involved not a bigger picture or script. The idea of marriage and settling down is not appealing to me...and I find if someone tries to put me on that path I feel instantly uncomfortable. It feels much more refreshing and real for me to have relationships about the here and now, and the bond or connection...rather than a predetermined path or script. It's a little hard to describe...but If I feel like someone is interested due to "potential long term partner" or "potential wife", it starts to feel less about me and more about the role I'm expected to play in someone else's life or a script that was written long before I arrived..
I'm not an actress....I don't want to play a role !
Just want to be me...
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  #14  
Old 12-10-2010, 01:23 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
It's a little hard to describe...but If I feel like someone is interested due to "potential long term partner" or "potential wife", it starts to feel less about me and more about the role I'm expected to play in someone else's life or a script that was written long before I arrived..
I'm not an actress....I don't want to play a role !
Just want to be me...
Ahh, you said it beautifully!

This is why my husband left, I didn't fit his picture of what a wife should be. He could not appreciate me for who I am. I don't want to be in that kind of situation ever again!
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  #15  
Old 12-10-2010, 01:45 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Ahh, you said it beautifully!

This is why my husband left, I didn't fit his picture of what a wife should be. He could not appreciate me for who I am. I don't want to be in that kind of situation ever again!
Yes, I understand. I don't want to be there either !

I guess that's why I try to avoid having too much of a script or expectation of what future relationships may look like. That may be a little too much pressure for future partners. I think it's good mental exercise to have your mind imagine various types or relationships and combinations of relationships...but ultimately...they are completely dependant on the people we meet, and the ground we can negotiate at the time...and the communication etc.
I don't want an expectation to be too solid in my head....as it's entirely possible that would potentially close off something great.

I also support the concept of Serendipity - the idea you can find something wonderful whilst looking for something else. I don't want my expectations or desires to be too rigid or set....as that may risk serendipitous wonderfulness
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  #16  
Old 12-10-2010, 01:54 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, I am 55, pansexual, queer, separated and divorcing my husband. I'm in a relationship with a woman now, for almost 2 yrs, but we dont live together, just spend several days a week together at her place or mine. We live 20 miles apart. My 19 yr old son lives with me part time.

Ive had an idea I'd also like a local boyfriend who wants to be a real part of my life, do things together, travel, museums, eating out or cooking together, movies, get to know my kids and gf, etc. Havent found him, after 2 long years! I have had some great experiences with men over the 2 yrs, as well as several (fairly minor) heartaches. But nothing long lasting except for one faithful boytoy, good for a fantastic booty call and some laughs.

But I sure don't wanna live with a guy any time soon and I dont want to ever get married again... I might move in w my gf some day, but thats up in the air. I love being with a woman, she is such a better communicator than my ex, or any other man I've dated the past 2 yrs.

Before I met her I thought I'd just be dating casually for a while. Funny how the universe brought her to me before I even knew I wanted her. Thanks, Venus!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s

Last edited by Magdlyn; 12-10-2010 at 01:57 AM.
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  #17  
Old 12-10-2010, 01:56 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by eklctc View Post

Currently, my ideal relationship would probably consist of four people. I, along with my two male partners, would be primary in each other's lives (men don't necessarily have to be primary to each other but I would definitely condone it) and my one female partner would be secondary. I would have regular interaction with both my male partners and probably weekly to biweekly interaction with my female partner who may or may not be permanently attached outside of our relationship and may or may not regularly interact with one of my male primaries. This committed poly quad would also have extended boundaries where we are open to sexual interaction with others but reserve our emotional attachments to each other. Yea...I know it sounds like a fairytale.
Wow, you've got a dream, girlfriend!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #18  
Old 12-10-2010, 02:01 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Before I met her I thought I'd just be dating casually for a while. Funny how the universe brought her to me before I even knew I wanted her. Thanks, Venus!
Sounds like a case of Serendipitous wonderfulness !!
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  #19  
Old 12-10-2010, 02:17 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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And yet, like a greedy bitch, I want a guy just as nice as her as well. lol
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 58, living with:
miss pixi, 37, who is dating (NRE):
Master, 32
my bf: Ginger, 61, married to:
Robin, 60 (mono)
and dating (NRE): Carla and David, married couple, early 40s
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  #20  
Old 12-10-2010, 02:44 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
I don't really have any fixed ideas about what potential relationships would look like...other than the usual - honest, open, caring, respectful, fun etc. My aim would be to build relationships on those foundations....rather than a picture of what they may look like. I like the idea of relationships being purely about the people involved not a bigger picture or script. The idea of marriage and settling down is not appealing to me...and I find if someone tries to put me on that path I feel instantly uncomfortable. It feels much more refreshing and real for me to have relationships about the here and now, and the bond or connection...rather than a predetermined path or script. It's a little hard to describe...but If I feel like someone is interested due to "potential long term partner" or "potential wife", it starts to feel less about me and more about the role I'm expected to play in someone else's life or a script that was written long before I arrived..
I'm not an actress....I don't want to play a role !
Just want to be me...
I have no idea what it would be like to be in a marriage where there was a script for what I am "suppose to be." I'm so sorry that you have been through that. I just want you to know that not all men subscribe to gender roles or the roles of what it means to be a wife or husband. There is a large number of men out there who are willing, or even insisting that there not be roles as such unless one falls into them naturally and is comfortable because it is who they are....

I married PN 10 years ago this summer and he has always been of the opinion that I am to be who I am. He just wanted to share that with me and I with him. I have never been the wife in a traditional sense and he the husband, much to the confusion and sometimes annoyance of some of our more conservative family members.

We actually are glad to have Mono in our lives because sometimes PN and I are both the wives and Mono the husband in terms of gender roles. Mono fixes stuff and we just sit there and admire him for it. Mono doesn't organize family dinners and stuff, PN and I do. PN does the finances and Mono and I don't... Mono does his own. I do the shopping and PN the cooking more often than not. Mono cleans the dishes... we all do what we can because we like it that way, not because we feel we have to to fill a role.

I hope that what ever those who are single and poly are aiming for in their lives happens for them in order to be happy, but please remember that marriage and any committed relationship is made of whatever you bring to it and are willing to create... yes there are expectations that are not obvious when we marry; there are always expectations, but the key to success in committed relationships, I think, is to find the assumptions and espectations, talk about them and shift them to something workable for all concerned. Be flexible and open to change. If its unworkable then the relationship is done and it's time to move on and find someone(s) that work... that isn't the fault of marriage or our culture, that is just how it is and sometimes who the person is. If it is the fault of our culture then its up to us to make the change, because "we" are the culture... I think that is happening slowly with the existence of relationship dynamics such as poly in terms of poly fi and poly family tribes.

Hope that makes sense.
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