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  #11  
Old 12-09-2010, 03:09 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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As a lactation specialist, I work with a lot of new moms. I'd say, in your case, give your bf the first 6 weeks after the birth off, unless he's really eager and initiates contact. You could surely drop off a couple meals they can eat that night or freeze. New parents always appreciate a good homecooked meal. Check for allergies and preferences first (text yr bf to find out). Many breastfed babies are sensitive to cow's milk proteins their moms eat, so avoid dairy in case she's breastfeeding.

Personally, I wouldnt offer to do errands or babysitting until you know the mother better. I'd feel awkward if my husband's new gf offered to be in our lives in that way. When I'm newly post partum, I want old friends/trusted family in my life. Having her husband's new gf over might cause her some stress, and she doesn't need that with a newborn in the house.
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  #12  
Old 12-09-2010, 03:20 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Having her husband's new gf over might cause her some stress, and she doesn't need that with a newborn in the house.
Ya, she might eat the baby, lol.
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  #13  
Old 12-10-2010, 04:58 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Ya, she might eat the baby, lol.
HA! awesome.
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  #14  
Old 12-10-2010, 07:20 AM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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I'm the girlfriend of a poly man who just had a baby with his ex 5 months ago,and truthfully it has been VERY hard. you have to be strong and independent and make the most of what time you get with him. He will feel stressed and stretched as he will undoubtedly be working as well and he won't be able to make any time commitment to you for a while. I've had scheduled calls and breaks cancelled and I've had to learn to not take it personally. You have to remember that this is his bonding time with his son/daughter and he will need alot of that.
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  #15  
Old 12-10-2010, 09:23 PM
xianny xianny is offline
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Thank you all for your advice, it has been invaluable. To clear things up a bit, I don't expect anything from him/them besides friendship; I would be a little hurt if he decides to cut me off entirely, but I fully expect to not be spending as much time together.

Our relationship is still very much casual but I think of it more as a friends with benefits/part-time bf situation than sexbuddies. I think we're on the same page with that.
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  #16  
Old 12-12-2010, 07:18 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xianny View Post
.......................
There's a selfish part of me that just wants to be involved, but really I just want to make the whole experience easier for them. It would make me happy to be able to help but I'd be OK if they just wanted me to disappear for a while. I also find myself caring about B even though I barely know her; caring by proxy I guess. Somehow I wish that we'd met at a different time so that I'd have a better opportunity to get to know her.

So... thoughts, advice, anything to help me navigate this period of time to produce maximum good feelings and a minimum of unhappiness?
Ok...........

So what would YOU value if the role was reversed ?

What would you offer to a friend ?

Your instincts (and heart) seem to be guiding you to do the right thing. Listen to it/them Keep it real.


GS
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  #17  
Old 12-13-2010, 04:27 AM
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Jodi Jodi is offline
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i don't see any harm in getting gift for the baby once it's born. you can write in the card that if she needs any help to call you. mb you can make a tray of food that they can freeze, so this way they won't have to cook. theyr'e going to be very tired w/ a new baby. i'd say go with your instincts, but those types of gestures of friendship will most likely be appreciated. also, after women have babies, they're very harmonal, emotional...so yes, i'd tread lightly. you are good to feel compassion for his wife. hope it works outwell for all involved.
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