Being a poly male is hard

[Ariakas]

For all you guys complaining about not being able to pick up poly women, here is a pretty good tip, and I am sure the girls would agree.

Stop complaining about not being able to find women. Right up there with lack of confidence is when men complain about other men getting more action then them. You do realize you are immediately subjugating yourself to them? At least thats my take on it.

As for POF...not sure, I have 0 luck picking up girls on dating sites. Then again, I haven't tried very hard. I assume it works, most of my single friends use it to pick up when they don't feel like bar hopping haha.

[polynHR]

You know some of the people on here are full of themselves. I wasn't complaining just making and observation. You know we all aren't as seasoned as some of the folks on here. I'm sure if I try harder enough I will be successful. Due to the lack of good advice on this site I will find it hard to come back.

[Somegeezer]

You're 42? I'm 18. A lot of people on here are just very truthful, no matter how harsh it might sound. Life doesn't hold back on the worst bits, why should we? Take advice and do with it as you will, but everyone on this site are just helping the way they feel they can help. Don't take it personally.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by polynHR

You know some of the people on here are full of themselves. I wasn't complaining just making and observation. You know we all aren't as seasoned as some of the folks on here.

PolynHR, I truly hope you don't let yourself be so discouraged that you don't come back. This forum is a really great resource for help and advice. I am new to poly myself, and in a short amount of time everyone here has let me feel totally comfortable saying what I need to say. You certainly don't have to like every post, but the problem with message boards is that you can't always read the tone of what someone wrote and it is easy to misconstrue what was meant. Someone might say to you in person, "Stop complaining" but when you hear the tone of voice and see the look in their eyes, you know it is a gentle, compassionate nudge meant to give you a new perspective -- and not a put-down.

I do believe it does take a shift in one's mindset to meet people. I am a woman just exploring poly now, but during my single days before I was married, it wasn't always easy to meet guys. I am attractive, cheerful, etc., but I know without a doubt that when I was having a hard time meeting men, and hoping for a relationship, it had a lot (if not all) to do with my believing and telling myself it was hard to meet men. Then I changed my world view and consciously made a decision to look at it differently. I started going out with the goal of simply enjoying the company of whomever I met, and to forget about turning it into a relationship. I also gave myself an image in my mind that I had a neon sign flashing over my head that said, "available." It worked! Suddenly men were interested. Some were duds but I had a few great dates, some really fun companions, and a couple of really solid relationships out of that. So when people say to stop complaining, I think what they mean to say is that a shift in your perspective can change everything, that's all.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by polynHR

You know some of the people on here are full of themselves. I wasn't complaining just making and observation. You know we all aren't as seasoned as some of the folks on here. I'm sure if I try harder enough I will be successful. Due to the lack of good advice on this site I will find it hard to come back.

I like to offer what I can in the hopes that people take it or leave it. I see it as my gift to the community. Sometimes people don't want a gift and see it as some kind of vain way of making myself out to be better than them.

Meh, whatever if they do, it's not my problem and I just leave them with their miserable belief that the world is out to get them and that I am part of that.... Getting emotionally involved with what people say isn't all that helpful unless you want to drive yourself insane with it I have found... I did that when I first came here, just because I had never been on a forum before and didn't get the etiquette.

Now I enjoy the responses I get and the challenge to think beyond myself. Sometimes I get pissed off, but mostly because people sometimes make blanket statements that I think are out of judgement/passive aggressive behaviour. I understand that perhaps they are not good at communicating their needs and so I ask... sometimes they are just making a point outside of what I thought they were saying. It seems to work to ask before jumping to conclusions.

You have a good thread going here polynHR because you brought up a good question. There is always going to be different takes on EVERYTHING, that is what makes a good forum and why people read them... they want to hear different takes and decide for themselves. hopefully you will decide to do the same.

I happen to agree with Ari and I didn't think he was directing his comment to you polynHR, but making a point about "some" men. I have heard from several poly men about the fact that it is hard to find women... some have been annoyingly whiny about it and some just stating a fact.

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by Ariakas

For all you guys complaining about not being able to pick up poly women, here is a pretty good tip, and I am sure the girls would agree.

Stop complaining about not being able to find women. Right up there with lack of confidence is when men complain about other men getting more action then them. You do realize you are immediately subjugating yourself to them? At least thats my take on it.

This comment hurt the OP? I agree it comes across as a bit harsh, but I put it down to Ariakis being a "Dominant" and therefore having a different take on so-called proper masculine behavior than others might have. For the record, I say, complain all you want about not finding the right girl yet! I complain all the time about not having found Mr Right!

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

This comment hurt the OP? I agree it comes across as a bit harsh, but I put it down to Ariakis being a "Dominant" and therefore having a different take on so-called proper masculine behavior than others might have. For the record, I say, complain all you want about not finding the right girl yet! I complain all the time about not having found Mr Right!

MOD HAT ON:

This thread is not in Life Stories and Blogs and is therefore fair game for "lively discussion and debate".

•Respect the Blogs

The "Life Stories & Blogs" board exists for members to chronicle their journeys. It's a place for personal narratives about relationships. While discussion of what's posted is expected, those threads are not a place for open debate--they are personal chronicles. If you read something there that you just have to debate, start a discussion about that topic on the General board. If you try to argue on somebody's personal story thread, the post can be removed at the request of the member who started the thread.

If the OP would rather create a thread that is for his or her (Any OP - I realize the OP of this thread is male) personal "vent" space, they may do so in LS&B.

This caveat is in the User Guidelines and if one is not familiar with that thread, I suggest one bring oneself up to speed.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

This comment hurt the OP? I agree it comes across as a bit harsh, but I put it down to Ariakis being a "Dominant" and therefore having a different take on so-called proper masculine behavior than others might have.

*Glares at Ariakas *

BAD ! BAD ! BAD DOMINANT ! You naughty blunt male ! Go back to your wooden-splintered corner !!!!

*Drags Ariakas out by his ear*


There, that should solve it. Sorry guys. Sometimes he thinks he can have a opinion on a forum, or something.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by SourGirl

*Glares at Ariakas *

BAD ! BAD ! BAD DOMINANT ! You naughty blunt male ! Go back to your wooden-splintered corner !!!!

*Drags Ariakas out by his ear*


There, that should solve it. Sorry guys. Sometimes he thinks he can have a opinion on a forum, or something.

Thank you. I'm glad we have you around to take care of this type of situation for us. Sometimes things can get a bit hectic and it's refreshing to see someone step up to the plate and take control every once in a while.

[SourGirl]

*bows* No problem. I try to be there for my people.

If he gets out of hand again, I`ll lend ya my strap.