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  #1  
Old 12-06-2010, 05:07 AM
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Erin Erin is offline
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Unhappy It is easier to...

I give up.

Last edited by Erin; 12-06-2010 at 06:03 AM.
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Old 12-06-2010, 05:28 AM
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It is easier to remain in an unhappy, verbally abusive, monagomous relationship and tolerate lonliness, isolation, abstinence, and despair than to take the big risk and face homelessness, bancruptcy, and familial embarassment. Wouldnt you agree?
For fifteen years I agreed with you... 2 years ago I stood up and said no more... This year I face up to my own heart and desires, needs and wants... I would still choose impending homelessness over the torment and guilt I suffer for having put my children through the hell I did - simply because I could not walk away...

the potential for them losing the happiness and stability they have found with my current partner is profound... but I have to say I believe they will be better off if I choose my own deep happiness... after all, regardless of the choices I make - they have to live with them... they will always have to live with the results of my choices... Ultimately, they need me to be strong and stable for them - if I am not happy, if I am compromising who I am - it will be to their detriment - as well as my own.
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Old 12-06-2010, 05:38 AM
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Given your previous posts, I'm assuming that this is the crossroads you are facing? If so, I am sorry that you are in such a difficult position. It must be overwhelming and painful. I don't claim to know what you're feeling but I do think it's important to recognize that a lot of people both women and men stay in relationships that hurt them. In the short term, it is easier to stay, you avoid confrontation and you only have to face the demons you know rather than unfamiliar ones. In the longer term, however, it is far better to do what is healthy. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect and love. If your family doesn't understand a decision to leave an abusive relationship, they are very confused. I know the economy is bad and losing your financial security and housing must be terrifying. I've never faced that. But there are some resources and your happiness, IMO, is worth the risk. Maybe you could save up for awhile or stay with a friend? Don't give up on creating a good life for yourself. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
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Old 12-06-2010, 05:53 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
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It is easier to remain in an unhappy, verbally abusive, monagomous relationship and tolerate lonliness, isolation, abstinence, and despair than to take the big risk and face homelessness, bancruptcy, and familial embarassment. Wouldnt you agree?
Not for me it isn't.

this isn't a poly issue, this sounds like a crappy relationship issue. If THATS your relationship, you need to start working towards your own happiness. Monogamous people don't suffer through those feelings for long. Thats what divorce is around for. Poly or not, you need to figure out what this relationship means you have to suffer through.
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Old 12-06-2010, 02:29 PM
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Here's a suggestion. I don't know if it might help you or not, just throwing it out there.

Sit down and think about where you might be able to be in a month, assuming things work out moderately well, if you decide to stay and if you decide to leave. Think about that for six months from now. A year. Five years. A decade. Twenty years. Try to be as honest as you can about what might change and what just won't, what you could learn to be happy with and what will always make you miserable.

If your conclusion is that you will not be able to be happy where you are, but that you could be happy if you left, then I recommend leaving ASAP. I haven't been in the same scenario yourself, but my mom was. I wish she'd left. She would have been happier, us kids would have been happier. It almost never gets easier to leave.

Also, if you do decide to leave, check out the resources in your area. A lot of places have groups that can help women get back on their feet after they've left a nasty relationship. It won't make things easy, but it might make them a bit less insanely difficult.
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Old 12-06-2010, 04:25 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I'm with ARI. This is nothing to do with Poly. This is about trying to escape or at least find a "never never land" within a disfunctional relationship. In the long run...alll the external factors probably won't be worth it. Short term pain, long term gain.

Be strong Erin
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Old 12-06-2010, 10:59 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Erin View Post
It is easier to remain in an unhappy, verbally abusive, monagomous relationship and tolerate lonliness, isolation, abstinence, and despair than to take the big risk and face homelessness, bancruptcy, and familial embarassment. Wouldnt you agree?
No. I wouldn't.

Speaking from experience, tolerating a miserable existence may seem easier in the short term, but is soul-killing over time.

I would rather die free than live in chains.
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Old 12-06-2010, 11:17 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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No. It will kill you. The way you're talking, it already has. There is only one thing you can be sure of. If you continue to live in a situation that makes you miserable, you will continue to be miserable. Change the situation from within or get out of it altogether, but change something. You are the "captain of your soul."
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:32 PM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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If you organise a support network BEFORE you leave then no it won't be harder.. you're in a rough place right now but get yourself a good counsellor,lawyer,some close friends and somewhere to stay.. I'm in financial strife right now so I'm calling on all my friends to help me out with somewhere to stay. If they're your friends they'll help you!

Good Luck.
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  #10  
Old 12-09-2010, 05:12 AM
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Erin Erin is offline
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I am regretful for starting this thread and getting all of you involved. Thank you for all of your kind words of advice. I dont know what I'll do. It's easier to stay for now and work on myself first. And yes, my wishes to explore polyamory again has everything to do with the conflicts in my marriage. But really, I'll be ok. Thank you again for looking out for me. TTYL
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