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Old 12-05-2010, 03:29 PM
Seekinganswer Seekinganswer is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 24
Default When SO wants her own....

Hi everyone, I posted our story (search for 'Struggling to breathe') a couple of weeks ago. Thank you all for the support and sound advice you gave. So this is where we are. We're almost 5 weeks into our poly journey 2 weeks of those, my husband and his SO broke up for about 2weeks. Mind you the break up was a relief for me as the tension was driving me nuts.SO felt like a 'third party'and the sticky point was that she felt that her needs were not met and that she was happier during the affair than when it came out in the open. According to her, my husband was more attentive and now seemed that everything revolved around me. During our many discussions, we had agreed to take things slow as I needed time to come to terms with the affair they had for 9 months. In addition to this, she wanted reassurance from me that at some point I should be okay with them having kids. I am not interested in that as we already have 2 kids and told both of them so. She did not like this because it was too restrictive. My husband on the other hand would would like to have kids with her and eventually have her move in to her house on our estate, but only if Im agreeable to it. We have talked about this at length and in the end she said she would like to have her own man and have the freedom to do what she wanted with him including having children. So she broke it off.

Anyhow, they have since made up since 3 days now but this time my husband says we should stop focusing on future plans but just enjoy each other' company. So has also promised to relax and go with the flow and not make any demands. She goes out and meets other people instead of sitting and waiting for my husband. Anyhow, I feel though that leaving such matters hanging to 'enjoy and see how things develop' is kind of vague. I am the only one opposed to the 'future plan' and maybe I'd be more comfortable if we have a clear idea of where we are heading. I think Ive had just about enough of the surprises.

Still surprises continue, its sunday and she called today because she wanted to see my husband. My husband works at least 11 hours,6 days a week and as his assistant SO is with him all day. I work a few doors away and can see him whenever I want. The kids on the other hand see my husband a utmost an hour or 2 before bedtime and sunday is the family day we have. I feel this is unfair for both my husband and SO to have a sunday evening yet they had spent a night together this week already. I do realise that spontaneity adds to the fun but given our family situation, we need to schedule so that everyone especially the kids do not come short. How do you handle the time management?

Last edited by Seekinganswer; 12-05-2010 at 03:35 PM.
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